Star Wars Episode IV: The Goblet of Fire
by Jacen Caedus
Summary: Lord Sidious (Ian McDiarmid) concocts a diabolical plan to trap Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) at the Galactic Games. Sequel to Star Wars Episode III: The Prisoner of Kessel, Star Wars Episode II: The Temple of Korriban, and Star Wars Episode I: The Philosopher's Stone
1. Dramatis Personae

**Disclaimer: I am not George Lucas or J.K. ****Rowling.**

Here are the characters in this story:

**Harry Potter - Luke Skywalker (age 14), fourth year and Galactic champion**

**Ron Weasley - Han Solo (age 14), fourth year**

**Hermione Granger - Leia Organa (age 15), fourth year**

**Ginny Weasley - Mara (Jade) Solo (age 13), third year**

**Fred Weasley - Jacen Solo (age 16), sixth year**

**George Weasley - Ben (Skywalker) Solo (age 16), sixth year**

**Percy Weasley - (See) Threepio Solo (age 18), aide to Jorus C'Baoth**

**Charlie Weasley - Malakili Solo (age 20), dragon handler**

**Bill Weasley - Kyle (Katarn) Solo (age 24), curse breaker for the InterGalactic Banking Clan**

**Molly Prewett Weasley - Jaina Solo (age 48), mother to Han Solo**

******Arthur Weasley - Jonash Solo (age 48), Head of the Misuse of Mundane Artifacts Office**

******Fleur Delacour - Jan Ors (age 17), Carida student and Galactic champion**

******Errol - Fiver (age 82), astromech owl**

**************Pigwidgeon - Whistler (age unknown), astromech owl**

******Bartemius Crouch Sr. - Jorus C'Baoth (age 83), Head of the InterGalactic Communications Center**

******Alastor Moody - Garm Bel Iblis (age 113), retired Stormtrooper**

**Draco Malfoy - Galen Marek (age 14), fourth year**

******Lucius Malfoy - Dooku Marek (age 42), Sith Lord**

******Narcissa Malfoy - Mallie Marek (age 40), mother of Galen Marek**

******Poliakoff - Sirak (age 17), Shadow student**

******Gabrielle Delacour - Sannah Ors (age 8), sister to Jan Ors**

**Vincent Crabbe - Cornelius Evazon (age 14), fourth year**

**Gregory Goyle - Ponda Baba (age 14), fourth year**

**Albus Dumbledore - Yoda (age 113), Grand Master**

**Minerva McGonagall - Mon Mothma (age 73), Master of Jedi Sorcery**

**Filius Flitwick - Sio Bibble (age 73), Master of the Force**

**Severus Snape - Darth Vader (age 34), Master of Potions and former Sith Lord**

**********Igor Karkaroff - Brakiss (age 38), headmaster of the Shadow Academy and former Sith Lord**

**Lord Voldemort/Tom Riddle - Lord Sidious/Cozinga Palpatine (age 68), Dark Lord of the Sith**

******Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew - Nute "Viceroy" Gunray (age 35), Sith servant**

**Bartemius Crouch Jr. - Joruus C'Baoth (age 34), Master of Defense Against the Dark Side of the Force and undercover Sith agent**

**Sirius "Padfoot" Black - Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi (age 35), fugitive**

**********Dobby - Jar Jar Binks (age 29), employee in the Jedi Temple kitchens**

******************Winky - Peppi Bow (age 29), slave to the House of C'Baoth**

**Rubeus Hagrid - Chewbacca (age 65), Master of Animal Friendship**

**Olympe Maxime - Mallatobuck (age 65), headmistress of Carida Academy**

**Argus Filch - Jurokk (age 57), caretaker**

**Rita Skeeter - Hallis Saper (age 43), journalist for the HoloNet**

**Bozo - Keets Freely (age 34), holographer**

**Walden Macnair - Savage Opress (age 41), Sith Lord**

**Colin Creevey - Dak Ralter (age 13), third year**

**Dennis Creevey - Cole (Fardreamer) Ralter (age 11), first year**

**Hedwig - Artoo Detoo (age 14), astromech owl**

**Oliver Wood - Tycho Celchu (age 18), professional smashball player**

**Angelina Johnson - Tenel Ka Djo (age 17), sixth year**

**Alicia Spinnet - Lowbacca (age 16), sixh year**

**Katie Bell - Tahiri Veila (age 15), fifth year**

**Cedric Diggory - Biggs Darklighter (age 17), sixth year and Galactic champion**

**Amos Diggory - Huff Darklighter (age 40), member of the Rights of Sentience League**

**Mrs. Diggory - Silya Darklighter (age 40), mother of Biggs Darklighter**

**Cho Chang - Callista Ming (age 15), fifth year**

**Roger Davies - Geith Eris (age 16), sixth year**

**C. Warrington - Bruck Chun (age 17), seventh year**

**Graham Montague - Sora Bulq (age 16), sixth year**

**Peregrine Derrick - Reck Desh (age 17), sixth year**

**Lucian Bole - Cad Bane (age 17), seventh year**

**Rolanda Hooch - Garven Dreis (age 60), coach**

**Vernon Dursley - Owen Lars (age 45), uncle to Luke Skywalker**

**Petunia Dursley - Beru Lars (age 45), aunt to Luke Skywalker**

**Nagini - Maul (age unknown), snake and Byss clone**

**Dudley Dursley - Jek Porkins Lars (age 13), cousin to Luke Skywalker**

**Bertha Jorkins - Danni Quee (deceased), MIA Republic employee**

**Frank Bryce - Kendal Ozzel (age 77), veteran and former murder suspect**

**Lee Jordan - Wes Janson (age 16), sixth year**

**Pansy Parkinson - Asajj Ventress (age 14), fourth year**

**Neville Longbottom - Wedge Antilles (age 14), fourth year**

**Seamus Finnagan - Nien Nunb (age 14), fourth year**

**Dean Thomas - Lando Calrissian (age 14), fourth year**

**Poppy Pomfrey - Vokara Che (age 48), nurse**

**Parvati Patil - Winter Retrac (age 14), fourth year**

**Padma Patil - Sheltay Retrac (age 14), fourth year**

**Godric Gryffindor - Revan (deceased), founder**

**Salazar Slytherin - Exar Kun (deceased), founder**

**Rowena Ravenclaw - Bastila Shan (deceased), founder**

**Helga Hufflepuff - Meetra Surik/Jedi Exile (deceased), founder**

**Cuthbert Binns - Vodo Siosk-Baas (deceased), Master of Galactic History**

**Nicholas de Mimsy Porpington - Canderous Ordo (deceased), spirit of House Revan**

**Bloody Baron - Jace Malcom (deceased), spirit of House Kun**

**Fat Friar - Mission Vau (deceased), spirit of House Surik**

**Helena Ravenclaw - Satele Shan (deceased), spirit of House Shan**

******Myrtle - Lorana Jinzler (deceased), spirit of the second floor girls' refresher**

**Peeves - PROXY (amortal), holodroid**

**Rosmerta - Ackmena (age 44), bartender**

**Fang - Drang (age unknown), vornskr**

**Tom Riddle Sr. - Cozinga Palpatine (deceased), victim**

**Thomas Riddle - Mr. Palpatine (deceased), victim**

**Mary Riddle - Mrs. Palpatine (deceased), victim**

**Dot - Imsatad (age 63), pub patron**

**Septima Vector - Sifo-Dyas (age 35), Master of Precognition**

**Giant Squid - Colo Claw Fish**

**Ludovic Bagman - Bog Divinian (age 37), Head of the Galactic Council of the Games**

**Cornelius Fudge - Finis Valorum (age 48), Supreme Chancellor**

******Garrick Ollivander - Ko Sai (age 70), Chief Wandmaker**

******Gregorovitch - Kas'im (age 70), Master Wandmaker (mention only)**

**Crookshanks - Anji (age unknown), nexu**

**Hermes - M-TD (age 17), translator owl**

**Stan Shunpike - Kyp Durron (age 18), conductor of the _Lady Luck_**

**Otto Bagman - Lune Divinian (age 38), brother to Bog Divinian**

**Irma Pince - Jocasta Nu (age 83), archivist**

**Aurora Sinistra - Tionne Solusar (age 44), Master of Astronomy**

**Lavender Brown - Bria Tharen (age 14), fourth year**

**Buckbeak - Boga (age unknown), varactyl**

**Ernie McMillan - Corran Horn (age 14), fourth year**

**Hannah Abbot - Iella Wessiri (age 14), fourth year**

**Justin Finch-Fletchley - Ooryl Qrygg (age 14), fourth year**

**Susan Bones - Mirax Terrik (age 14), fourth year**

**Pomona Sprout - Yaddle (age 71), Master of the Living Force**

**Mafalda Goshawk - Mander Zuma (age 52), author (mention only)**

**Sybill Trelawney - Roan Shryne (age 33), Master of Divination**

**James Potter - Anakin Skywalker (deceased), member of the Jedi Order**

**Lily Evans Potter - Padme Amidala Skywalker (deceased), member of the Jedi Order**

**Viktor Krum - Isolder Chume'da (age 18), professional smashball player, student at the Shadow Academy, and Galactic champion**

******Basil - Raymus Antilles (age 41), memory rubber**

******Mr. Roberts - Jarril (age 40), camp director**

******Mr. Payne - Dravis (age 39), camp director**

******Kevin - Valin (age 2), Force-using child**

******Archie Aymslowe - Nejaa Halcyon (age 80), maverick**

******Mr. Wood - Skoloc Celchu (age 54), father of Tycho Celchu**

******Mrs. Wood - Mia Celchu (age 54), mother of Tycho Celchu**

******Cuthbert Mockridge - Pors Tonith (age 45), member of the InterGalactic Banking Clan**

******Gilbert Wimple - Miko Reglia (age 34), member of the Committee of the Force**

******Arnold Peasegood - Bardan Jusik (age 34), memory rubber**

******Broderick Bode - Airen Cracken (age 53), member of Republic Intelligence**

******Croaker - Belindi Kalenda (age 33), member of Republic Intelligence**

******Eloise Midgeon - Inyri Forge (age 14), fourth year**

******Vasily Dimitrov - Maxo Vista (age 27), professional smashball player**

******Clara Ivanova - Aldar Beedo (age 30), professional smashball player**

******Lev Zograf - Dud Bolt (age 34), professional smashball player**

******Alexei Levski - Ebe E. Endocott (age 35), professional smashball player**

******Pyotr Vulchanov - Gasgano (age 31), professional smashball player**

******Ivan Volcov - Mars Guo (age 23), professional smashball player**

******Connolly - Hekula (age 23), professional smashball player**

******Barry Ryan - Clegg Holdfast (age 35), professional smashball player**

******Troy - Neva Kee (age 26), professional smashball player**

******Mullet - Ody Mandrell (age 23), professional smashball player**

******Moran - Mawhonic (age 36), professional smashball player**

******Quigley - Teemto Pagalies (age 36), professional smashball player**

******Aidan Lynch - Sebulba (age 39), professional smashball player**

******Hassan Mostafa - Barriss Offee (age 36), medic**

******Violet - Darra Thel-Tanis (age unknown), portrait**

******Fawcett - Cray Mingla (age 15), fifth year**

******Stebbins - Nichos Marr (age 15), fifth year**

******Fridwulfa - Attichitcuk (deceased), father of Chewbacca (mention only)**

******Wilhelmina Grubbly-Plank - Shaak Ti (age 50), Master of Animal Frienship**

******Aberforth Dumbledore - (Talon) Karrde Yoda (age 111), bartender (mention only)**

******Murcus - Gial Ackbar (age 42), Admiral of Mon Calamari**

******Evan Rosier - Darth Maul (deceased), Sith Lord (mention only)**

******Wilkes - Xanatos (deceased), Sith Lord (mention only)**

******Bellatrix Lestrange - Ysanne Isard (age 43), Sith Lord**

******Rodolphus Lestrange - Armand Isard (age 43), Sith Lord**

******Rabastan Lestrange - Kirtan (Loor) Isard (age 41), Sith Lord**

******Avery - Kinman Doriana (age 34), Sith Lord**

******Antonin Dolohov - Wilhuff Tarkin (age 43), Sith Lord (mention only)**

******Travers - Jerec (age 44), Sith Lord (mention only)**

******Mulciber - Grievous (age 34), Sith Lord (mention only)**

******Augustus Rookwood - Nom Anor (age 43), undercover Sith agent (mention only)**

******Frank Longbottom - Jagged Antilles (age 34), member of the Jedi Order (mention only)**

******Alice Longbottom - Zena Antilles (age 34), member of the Jedi Order (mention only)**

**********Augusta Longbottom - Syal Antilles (age 70), grandmother to Wedge Antilles** (mention only)

******Apolline Delacour - Dejah (Duare) Ors (age 45), mother of Jan and Sannah Ors**

******Monsieur Delacour - Master Ors (age 45), father of Jan and Sannah Ors**

******Mrs. Krum - Ta'a Chume (age 67), mother of Isolder Chume'da**

******Mr. Krum - Kalen Chume'da (age 67), father of Isolder Chume'da**

******Apollyon Pringle - Garris Shrike (deceased), caretaker (mention only)**

******Ogg - Dewlanna (deceased), gamekeeper (mention only)**

******Merope Gaunt - (Darth) Zannah Dessel, mother of Lord Sidious (mention only)**

******Crabbe - Evazan (age 43), Sith Lord**

******Goyle - Baba (age 43), Sith Lord**

******Nott - Ulic Qel-Droma (age 34), Sith Lord **

**Mundungus Fletcher - Niles Ferrier (age 52), smuggler (mention only)**

**Olive Hornby - Jenna Zan Arbor (deceased), Jedi student**

******Fawkes - Vergere (immortal), Fosh**

_**Locations**_**:**

**Hogwarts School - Jedi Temple**

**Beauxbatons Academy - Carida Academy**

**Durmstrang Institute - Shadow Academy**

**The Burrow - The Trader's Luck**

**Ottery St. Catchpole - Coronet, Corellia**

**Little Hangleton - Korriban**

**Little Hangleton graveyard - Valley of the Dark Lords**

**The Three Broomsticks - Dex's Diner**

**Salem Witches' Institute - University of Alderaan**

**Hogwarts Lake - Dac Ocean**

**Ministry of Magic - Imperial Palace (Courtroom Ten - Grand Convocation Chamber)**

**Hogsmeade - CoCo Town**

**Honeydukes - Dex's Donuts**

**Forbidden Forest - Endor Moon**

**Surrey - Tatooine**

**Number 4, Privet Drive - Lars Homestead**

**Platform 9 3/4 - Docking Bay 94**

**King's Cross Station - Mos Eisley Spaceport**

**Quidditch Pitch - Smashball Field**

**Stoatshead Hill - Mount Tantiss**

**London - Coruscant**

**Hogsmeade Station - Docking Bay 327**

**Hogwarts Express - Jedi Cruiser**

**_Species_:**

**Human - Human**

**Goblin - Muun**

**Dementor - Tusken**

**Giant - Hutt**

**Half-Giant - Wookiee**

**Boggart - Gurlanin**

**Muggle - Mundane Beings**

**Wizard - Force user**

**Hippogriff - Varactyl**

**Chinese Fireball - Tatooinian Krayt**

**Swedish Shortsnout - Vanqorian Gundark**

**Welsh Green - Coruscanti Cthon**

**Blast-Ended Skrewts - Zillo Beast**

**Fire crab - Lava flea (mention only)**

**Manticore - Akk dog (mention only)**

**Boarhound - Vornskr**

**Phoenix - Fosh**

**Kneazle - Nexu**

**House-elf - Gungan**

**Grindylow - Dinko**

**Veela - Zeltron**

**Leprechaun - Squib**

**Hungarian Horntail - Dathomiri Rancor**

**Acromantula - Geonosian**

**Merpeople - Mon Calamari**

**Niffler - Mynock**

**Owl - Droid**

**Ghost - Force spirit**

**Poltergeist - Holodroid**

_**Organization**_

**Gryffindor - Revan**

**Slytherin - Kun**

**Ravenclaw - Shan**

**Hufflepuff - Surik**

**Death Eater - Sith Order**

**Order of the Phoenix - Jedi Order**

**Ministry of Magic - Galactic Republic**

******Weird Sisters - Modal Nodes**

******Auror Office - Stormtrooper Corps**

_**Other**_**:**

**Wizard's Chess - Dejarik**

**Quidditch - Smashball**

**Triwizard Tournament - Galactic Games**

**Wronski Feint - Thrawn Pincer**

**Auror - Stormtrooper**

**Bludgers - Dovin Basals**

**Quaffle - Grav-ball**

**Golden Snitch - Golden Globe**

**Killing Curse - Force Kill**

**Cruciatus Curse - Sith Lightning**

**Imperius Curse - Affect Mind**

**Summoning Charm - Force Pull**

**Stunning Spell - Force Stun**

**Patronus Charm - Force Aura**

**Apparition - Force Travel**

**Reductor Curse - Force Destruction**

**Shield Charm - Force Defend**

**Impediment Charm - Force Slow**

**Disarming Charm - Force Disarm**

**Banishing Charm - Force Push**

**Foe Glass - Holoreflector**

**Secrecy Sensor - Truth Scan**

**Sneakoscope - Probe Droid**

**Age Line - Protection Bubble**

**Bubble Head Charm - Force Orb**


	2. The Murders of House Palpatine

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Kendal Ozzel, an older man with graying blond hair and blue eyes._

**Ozzel. **_[aside] _The villagers of Korriban still call it House Palpatine, even though it has been many years since the Palpatine family lived here. We all agree that the old house is creepy. Half a century ago, something strange and horrible happened here, something that the older villagers like to discuss when topics for gossip are scarce. The story has been picked over so many times, and embroidered in so many places, that nobody is quite sure what the truth is anymore. Every version of the tale, however, starts in the same place. . . .

_Exit Ozzel._

_Enter 11-4D, a medical droid in service to House Palpatine._

**11-4D. **Lying there with their eyes wide open! Cold as ice! Still in their dinner things!

_Exit 11-4D_

_Enter Ozzel._

**Ozzel. **_[aside] _The police were summoned, and we all seethed with shocked curiosity and ill-disguised excitement. None one wasted a breath pretending to feel sorry for House Palpatine, for they has been most unpopular. Elderly Master and Mistress Palpatine had been rich, snobbish, and rude, and their grown-up son, Cosinga, had been, if anything, worse. All we cared about was the identity of their murderer . . . for plainly, three apparently healthy beings did not drop dead of natural causes on the same night. . . .

_Exit Ozzel._

_Enter 11-4D, Bon Tapalo, and Imsatad._

**11-4D. **I have just heard. The Korriban Security Force has arrested Kendal Ozzel.

**All. **Kendal? Never!

**11-4D. **I always thought he was odd . . . unfriendly, like. I am sure if I have offered him a beverage once, I have offered it a hundred times. He never wanted to mix.

**First Woman. **Ah, now, he had a hard war, Kendal. He likes the quiet life. That's no reason to . . .

**11-4D. **Who else had the keycard to the back door, then? There has been a spare keycard hanging in the gardener's cottage as far back as I can remember. Nobody forced the door open last night or broke any windows. All Kendal had to do was sneak up to the back door while we were sleeping. . . .

**Tapalo.** I always thought he had a nasty look about him, all right.

**Second Woman. **I told you I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of Kendal, didn't I, Imsatad?

**Imsatad. **Horrible temper. I remember when he was a boy. . . .

_Enter Kendal Ozzel, a younger man with blond hair and blue eyes, with Jaller Obrim and Tan Divo._

**Kendal. **I am innocent, I tell you. Innocent! I was not anywhere near Convergence last night. The only being I've seen near the place was teenage boy.

**Obrim. **Can you give us a description, Admiral Ozzel?

**Kendal. **He was a stranger. I had never seen him before in my life. He was pale with red hair, with the coldest blue eyes I had ever seen.

**Divo. **_[skeptical] _Really?

_Exit all but Kendal._

_Enter Obrim and Divo, a little while later._

**Obrim. **All right, Admiral Ozzel, we have just checked out your story. No one else on Korriban has seen any such youth as the one you have just described.

**Divo. **Why don't you make things easy for yourself, Admiral Ozzel, and tell us what really happened?

**Kendal. **I already have. The youth was here. I care what anyone else says.

_Enter Ozzel, the older version of the Admiral._

**Ozzel. **_[aside] _Just when things were looking serious for me, the strangest thing happened . . .

_Exit Ozzel._

_Enter Valin Halcyon, a police detective with brown hair and hazel eyes._

**Halcyon. **I've just read the forensics report. It would appear that House Palpatine wasn't murdered at all.

**Obrim. **How can this be?

**Halcyon. **I couldn't say. But there is no evidence that the Palpatines were poisoned, stabbed, shot, strangled, or suffocated. In fact, all three Palpatines were in a state of perfect health, apart from the fact that they are dead. The coroners do add that each of the Palpatines had a look of terror in their eyes. But who has heard of being frightened to death?

**Obrim. **_[reluctant] _Admiral Ozzel. You're free to go.

_Exit Kendal, Obrim, Divo, and Halcyon._

_Enter Ozzel._

**Ozzel. **_[aside] _As there was no proof that House had been murdered at all, the cops were forced to let me go. The Palpatines were buried in the Valley of the Dark Lords, in the yard behind that old temple. I was allowed to return to my cottage, but my name was mud from that day on. . . .

_Exit Ozzel._

_Enter 11-4D, Tapalo, and Imsatad._

**Imsatad. **As far as I am concerned, he killed them, and I don't care what the police say. And if he had any decency, he would leave here, knowing as we knows he did it.

_Exit all._


	3. House Palpatine

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Ozzel, asleep._

_Ozzel wakes from a pain in his leg._

**Ozzel. **Damned leg.

_Ozzel rises and starts a fire on the stove, flicking on the subspace transceiver._

**Meteorologist. **_[over transceiver] _. . . south dry spells of light to moderate rain with the outlook of temperatures from fifty-five to sixty-one degrees standard. Further north, cumulative winds, light snow expected with increasing clouds . . .

_Ozzel sees a fire lit with Convergence, the proper name of House Palpatine._

**Ozzel. **Kriffing kids.

_Ozzel takes his walking stick and steps out of his cottage, using a glowrod for light._

_Ozzel fumbles for a keycard and opens the door._

_Ozzel steps inside, sneaking up the stairs until he finds the lit room._

_Enter Lord Sidious (unseen by Ozzel) and Nute Gunray._

**Gunray. **There is a little more in the bottle, my Lord, if you are still hungry.

**Sidious.**_[off stage]_Later. Move me closer to the fire, Viceroy.

_Gunray does so._

Where is Maul?

**Gunray. **I . . . I don't know, my Lord. She set out to explore the villa, I think.

**Sidious.**_ [off stage] _You will milk her before we retire, Viceroy. I will need feeding in the night. The journey has tired me greatly.

**Gunray.** My Lord. May I ask how long we will be staying here?

**Sidious.**_[off stage]_A week. Perhaps longer. The place is moderately comfortable, and the plan cannot proceed yet. It would be foolish to act before the Smashball Galactic Cup is over.

**Gunray. **The . . . the Smashball Galactic Cup, my Lord? Forgive me, but . . . I do not understand. Why should we wait until the Galactic Cup is over?

**Sidious.**_[off stage]_Because, fool, at this very moment beings are pouring into the Core from all across the galaxy, and every meddler from the Republic will be on duty, on the watch for signs of unusual activity, checking and double-checking identities. They will be obsessed with security, lest the mundane notice anything. So we wait.

**Gunray. **Your Lordship is still determined, then?

**Sidious.**_[off stage, cold] _Certainly I am determined, Viceroy. How fastidious you've become, Viceroy. As I recall, you once called the newest scuttlebutt hope. Could it be that your boundless mercy is but unwillingness from you?

**Gunray. **Oh, no, my Lord Sidious. I only meant . . . perhaps if we were to do it without the boy.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _No! The boy is everything. It cannot be done without him. And it will be done exactly as I say.

**Gunray. **I will not disappoint you, my Lord. But Luke Skywalker is so well protected . . .

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _And so you volunteer to go and find me a substitute? I wonder . . . perhaps the task of nursing me has grown tiresome for you? Could this suggestion of abandoning the plan be nothing more than an ill-conceived attempt to desert me?

**Gunray. **My Lord. I . . . I have no wish to desert you - none at all.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Do not lie to me. I can always tell, Viceroy. You are regretting that you have ever returned to me. I revolt you. I see you flinch each time you look upon me, see you shudder each time you touch me . . .

**Gunray. **No! My devotion to Your Lordship . . .

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Your devotion is nothing more than cowardice. You would not be here if you had anywhere else to go. How am I to survive without you, when I need feeding every few hours? Who is to milk Maul?

**Gunray. **You seem so much stronger, my Lord.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Liar. I am no stronger, and a few days alone would be enough to rob me of the little health I have regained under your clumsy care.

**Gunray. **_[sputters incoherently]_

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Silence! I have my reasons for using the boy, as I have explained to you, and I will use no other. I have waited thirteen years. A few more months will make no difference. As for the protection surrounding the boy, I believe my plan will be effective. All that is needed is a little courage from you, Viceroy . . . courage you will find, unless you wish to feel the full extent of Lord Sidious's wrath . . .

**Gunray. **My Lord. I must speak. All through our journey, I have gone over the plan in my head . . . My Lord, Danni Quee's disappearance will not go unnoticed for long, and if we proceed, if I murder . . .

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _If? _If_? If you follow the plan, Viceroy, the Republic needn't know that anyone else has died. You will do it quietly and without fuss. I only wish that I could do it myself, but in my present condition . . . Come, Viceroy, one more death and our path to Luke Skywalker is clear. I am not asking you to do it alone. By that time, my _faithful _servant will have rejoined us . . .

**Gunray. **_I _am a faithful servant.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Viceroy. I need somebody with brains, somebody whose loyalties have never wavered. And you, unfortunately, fulfill neither requirement.

**Gunray. **I found you. I was the one who found you. I brought you Danni Quee.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _That is true. A stroke of brilliance I would not have thought possible from you, Viceroy. Though, if truth be told, you were not aware how useful she would be when you caught her, were you?

**Gunray. **I . . . I thought she might be useful, my Lord.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Liar. However, I do not deny that her information was invaluable. Without it, I would never have formed our plan. And for that, you will receive your reward, Viceroy. I will allow you to fulfill an essential task for me, one that many of my followers would give their right hands to perform. . . .

**Gunray. **R-really, my Lord? What . . . ?

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Ah, Viceroy, you don't want me to spoil the surprise? Your part will come at the very end. But I promise you, you will have the honor of being just as useful as Danni Quee.

**Gunray. **Are you going to kill me, too?

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _Viceroy, Viceroy. Why would I kill you? I killed Danni because I had to. She was fit for nothing after my questioning, quite useless. In any case, awkward questions would have been asked if she had gone back to the Republic with the news that she had met you on her holidays. Beings who supposed to be dead would do well not to run into Republic bureaucrats in Outer Rim cantinas.

**Gunray. **We could have rubbed her memory.

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _"We could have rubbed her memory?" But memory rubs can be broken by a powerful Sith Lord, as I proved when I questioned her. It would be an insult to her _memory _not to use the information I extracted from her, Viceroy.

**Ozzel. **_[aside] _This being is dangerous, a madman. He must be stopped. I must comm the Korriban Security Force at once. I must . . .

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _One more murder, my faithful servant at the Jedi Temple . . . Luke Skywalker is within my grasp, Viceroy. It is decided. There will be no more argument. Be quiet. I think I hear Maul. _[in Yuuzhan Vong] _Come, Maul, my servant. Come to me.

_Enter Maul, a horned serpent with feral yellow eyes, red skin, and black tattoos._

_Ozzel stiffens, as Maul slithers into the room wherein Sidious and Gunray speak._

Report.

**Maul. **_[in Yuuzhan Vong] _I am afraid we are not alone, Master. An elderly mundane human waits outside the door, listening to every word you speak.

**Sidious. **_[off stage, in Basic] _Maul tells me the old mundane caretaker is standing just outside the door.

_Gunray opens the door, revealing his red eyes and mottled green skin._

Step aside, Viceroy, so I can give our guest a proper greeting.

_Ozzel steps into the room._

You heard everything, mundane?

**Ozzel. **What's that you're calling me?

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _I am calling you mundane. It means you are not Force-sensitive.

**Ozzel. **I don't know what you mean by Force-sensitive. All I know is I have heard enough tonight to interest the police. You have done murder and you are planning more. And I'll tell you this, too, my wife knows I am up here, and if I don't come back . . .

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _You have no wife. Nobody knows you are here. Do not lie to Lord Sidious, mundane, for he knows. He always knows.

**Ozzel. **Is that right? Lord, is it? Well, I don't think much of your manners, my _Lord_. Turn around and face me like a man, why don't you?

**Sidious. **_[off stage] _But I am not a man, mundane. I am much, much more than a man. However . . . why not? I will face you. Viceroy, come and turn my chair around.

_Gunray whimpers._

You heard me, Viceroy.

_Gunray turns the chair, revealing Sidious's form: a shriveled being with wrinkled skin as pale as a corpse, feral yellow eyes, and wild silver hair._

**Ozzel. **_[screams]_

**Sidious. **Kill.

_Reaching into the dark side, Sidious exhausts Ozzel's life energy._

_Ozzel dies._

_Exit all._


	4. The Scar

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke Skywalker, asleep._

_Luke awakes, grasping his burning scar._

_Luke rises and examines himself in the mirror: a wide-eyed youth with dirty blond hair, blue eyes, and a white tunic._

**Luke. **_[aside] _What a dream! There were two beings I know . . . and one I don't. The dim picture of a darkened room comes to me. There was a serpent on the hearth rug, a Zabrak . . . a tall being named Nute, nicknamed Viceroy . . . and a low growl . . . the voice of Lord Sidious. I feel as if an ice cube slips down my throat at the very thought. . . . I try to remember Sidious's appearance, but it is impossible. . . . All I know is that the moment I saw it, I felt a spasm of horror. But who had that old man been? There had definitely been an old man. . . . O! As I try to hold onto the memory, it slips away. Sidious and Gunray had been talking a being of whom they had killed, though the name escapes me. And they planned to kill another . . . _me_.

_Luke glances around the room, frowning._

I may be no stranger to pain, but still, this pain in my scar confounds me. The last time I felt such pain was two years ago . . . when Lord Sidious had infiltrated the Jedi Temple. But Sidious can't be here, can he? _[shakes his head] _No. It does not seem likely that the Forceful Lord Sidious could be in the same homestead as a family so mundane as the Larses. I mean, the very idea of going to them for help is . . . laughable. What would happen if I wrote to Han and Leia about my troubles? _[imitates Leia Organa] _"Your scar hurt? Luke, that is very serious. Write to Master Yoda. And I will go and check the medical datapad. Maybe there's something in there about Force-inflicted scars." _[regular voice] _Yes, that would be Leia's advice: Go straight to the Jedi Grand Master and, in the meantime, consult the Jedi Archives. The latter sounds largely unhelpful. I'm not sure if anyone else but me has survived Sith magic as powerful as the one Sidious inflicted upon me. Therefore, it is unlikely to be listed in any medical datapad. As for informing the Grand Master . . . I haven't the faintest idea where Yoda spends his holidays, though I am sure Artoo will be able to find him; he has never failed me yet. But then there is the question of what to say to him. "Dear Master Yoda. Sorry to bother you. But my scar hurt this morning. Sincerely, Luke Skywalker." Even in my head it sounds stupid.

_Luke laughs humorlessly._

_[imitates Han Solo] _"Your scar hurt? But . . . but You-Know-Who can't be near you now, can he? I mean, you would know, wouldn't you? He would be trying to kill you again, wouldn't he? I don't know, Luke. Maybe Force-inflicted scars twinge a bit. I'll ask Dad." That would be the problem. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the idea of the entire Solo family's knowing about my problem. What I need is someone like . . . someone like a _parent_, an adult Force user whose advice I can ask without feeling stupid, one who cares about me, who has an experience with the dark side. . . .

_Luke straightens._

Of course. Obi-Wan. Why didn't I think of it before?

_Luke removes a roll of durasheet and a pen._

_[writing] _Obi-Wan. Thanks for your last hololetter. That droid was enormous; it could barely get through my window. Things are the same as usual here. Jek's diet isn't going too well. Aunt Beru discovered his smuggling doughnuts into his room yesterday. They told him they would have to cut his pocket money if he keeps doing it, so he got really angry and chucked his hologame out of the window. That is sort of an electronic thing you can play games on. Bit stupid, really. Now he hasn't even got _Galactic Rebels _to take his mind off of things. I'm okay, mainly because the Larses are terrified that you will turn up and turn them into hawk-bats if I asked you to. A weird thing happened this morning, though. My scar hurt again. Last time it happened, it was because Sidious was at the Jedi Temple. But I don't reckon he can be anywhere near me, can he? Do you know if Force-inflicted scars sometimes hurt years afterward? I'll send this with Artoo, when he gets back. Say hello to Boga for me. Skywalker out.

_Exit all._


	5. The Invitation

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, stepping to Lars homestead's kitchen._

_Enter Owen, Beru, and Jek (Porkins) Lars._

_Luke and the Larses have a vegetarian breakfast._

**Beru. **There you are, Jek, darling.

_Jek glares at Beru._

**Luke. **_[aside] _Jek's life has taken such an unpleasant turn after the school report from Corulag Academy. Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru have all managed to find excuses for Jek's bad marks: Aunt Beru insisted that Jek is a decent boy whose instructors didn't understand him, while Uncle Owen maintained that "he didn't want some swotty little nancy boy for a son, anyway." They even managed to wave away the accusations of bullying, with Beru's claim that he was a "boisterous little boy who wouldn't hurt a diplura. However, the one thing they couldn't shrug aside was his increasing weight problem, hence the new diet the whole family, including me, has been forced upon. Fortunately, Aunt Beru is not aware of the secret stash of sweets I have upstairs. As soon as I became aware that I was meant to survive on flimsy bits of vegetables, I wrote to Han, Leia, Obi-Wan, and Chewie for assistance. Artoo returned immediately with a box of sugar-free snacks from the House of Organa, homemade cakes from Chewie, and several cakes and pies from Jaina Solo, matriarch of the House of Solo. Not to mention, the assortment of naming day cakes I received from Han, Leia, Obi-Wan, and Chewie. Knowing this, I have no complaint in eating this grapefruit.

**Owen. **_[sniffs at the grapefruit] _Is this it?

_Beru glares at Owen, nodding at Jek._

_The door chime sounds._

_Exit Owen._

_Luke hears Owen, speaking to a laughing visitor, who soon leaves._

_Enter Owen._

_[to Luke] _You. In the living room. Now.

_Luke follows Owen._

_Exit all but Luke and Owen._

So. _So_. This just arrived, a hololetter about you.

_Enter Jaina Solo, a hologram of the dark-haired woman._

**Jaina. **Master and Mistress Lars. We have never been introduced, but I am sure you have heard a great deal from Luke about my son Han. As Luke might have told you, the final of the Smashball Galactic Cup takes place this Primeday night, and my husband Jonash has just managed to get prime tickets through his connections at the Galactic Council of the Games. I do hope you will allow us to take Luke to the match, as this really is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity; the Core Worlds haven't hosted the Cup for three decades, and the tickets are extremely hard to come by. We would, of course, be glad to have Luke stay for the remainder of the summer holidays, and to see him safely onto the ship back to Tython. It would be best for Luke to send us your answer as quickly as possible in the normal way, because the mundane postbeing has never delivered to our ship, and I am not sure he even knows where it is. Hoping to see Luke soon, Jaina Solo. P.S. I do hope we put on enough stamps. Solo out.

**Owen. **Look at this.

_Luke sees that the entire hololetter is covered in stamps._

**Luke. **She did put enough stamps on, then.

**Owen. **The postbeing noticed. He was curious to know where this hololetter came from. That's why he dinged the door chime. He seemed to think it was _funny_.

**Luke. **So . . . can I go, then?

**Owen. **Who is this female?

**Luke. **You've met her. She's my friend Han's mother. She meeting him at the Jed . . . at the ship last season.

**Owen. **Dumpy sort of being? Loads of children?

_Luke frowns at Owen's hypocrisy._

Smashball. What is this rubbish?

**Luke. **It's a sport, played in star . . .

**Owen. **All right, all right. What does this mean, "in the normal way."

**Luke. **Normal for us. You know, droid post. That's what is normal for Force adepts.

**Owen. **_[angry] _How many times have I told you not to mention that abnormality under this roof? You sit there, in the clothes Beru and I have put on your ungrateful back . . .

**Luke. **Only after Jek has finished with them.

**Owen. **_[rising] _I will not be spoken to like that.

**Luke. **Okay. I can't see the Galactic Cup. Can I go now, then? Only I have got a hololetter to Obi-Wan I want to finish. You know, my godfather.

**Owen. **You're . . . you're writing to him, are you?

**Luke. **Well . . . yeah. It had been a while since he has heard from me. And if he doesn't, he might start thinking something is wrong.

**Owen. **Well, all right then. You can go to this kriffing . . . this stupid . . . this Galactic Cup thing. You write and tell these . . . these _Solos_. They are to pick you up, mind. I haven't got the time to go dropping you off halfway across the galaxy. And you can spend the rest of the summer there. And you can tell your . . . your godfather . . . tell him . . . tell him you're going.

**Luke. **Okay then.

_Exit Owen._

_Luke returns to the kitchen._

_Enter Jek._

That was an _excellent _breakfast. I feel really full, don't you?

_Luke laughs and heads upstairs._

_Exit Jek._

_Enter R2-D2 and Whistler, the latter of whom zooms around Luke's bedroom excitedly._

_Enter Han Solo, a holographic image of the brown-haired youth._

**Han. **Luke. Dad got tickets - Caamas versus Hapes, Primeday night. Mom is writing to the mundanes to ask you to stay. They might already have the hololetter. I don't know how fast mundane post is. I thought I'd send Xeno, anyway. We're coming for you whether the mundanes like it or not; you cannot miss the Galactic Cup, only Mom and Dad reckon it is better if we pretend to ask permission first. If they say yes, send Xeno back with your answer pronto, and we'll come and get you at seventeen hundred hours on Benduday. If they say no, send Xeno back pronto and we'll come and get at seventeen hundred hours on Benduday anyway. Leia is arriving this afternoon. Threepio has started work - the InterGalactic Communications Center. Don't mention anything about the Unknown Regions while you are here unless you are prepared to have the pants bored off of you. See you soon. Solo out.

_Exit Han._

_Whistler wheels around Luke._

**Luke. **Calm down. Come here. I need you to take my answer back.

_Luke prepares his message for Han._

_[writing] _It's okay, Han. The mundanes said I can come. See you at seventeen hundred hours tomorrow. I can't wait. Skywalker out.

_Luke stores the message within Whistler._

_[to Artoo] _Feeling up to a long journey?

**Artoo. **_[beeps and whistles]_

**Luke. **Can you take this to Obi-Wan for me? Hang on. I need to finish it. _[writing] _If you need to contact me, I will be at my friend Han Solo's for the rest of the summer. His father got tickets to the Smashball Galactic Cup. Skywalker out.

_Luke stores the message with R2-D2._

I will be at Han's when you get back, all right?

_Exit Artoo and Whistler._

_Luke eats one of his cakes._

_Exit all._


	6. Back to the Trader's Luck

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke and the Larses, in front of the fireplace._

**Owen. **_[to Luke] _I hope you told them to dress properly, these beings. I have seen the sort of stuff you lot wear. They had better have the decency to put on normal clothes; that's all.

_All eat lunch silently._

They will be driving, of course?

**Luke. **Er . . . I think so.

**Owen. **_[snorts]_

_All wait._

They're late.

**Luke. **I know. Maybe, er, traffic is bad or something.

**Beru. **No consideration at all.

**Owen. **We might have had an engagement.

**Beru. **Maybe they think they will get invited to dinner if they are late.

**Owen. **Well, they certainly will not. They will take the boy and go. There will be no hanging around. That is if they are coming at all. Probably mistaken the day. I daresay _their kind _don't set much store be punctuality. Either that, or they drive some tin-pot speeder that has broken down . . . Aaaarrrghhh!

**Luke. **What's happened?

**Beru. **What is it? What is it, Owen?

_Voices can be heard in the fireplace._

**Jonash. **_[off stage] _O! Jacen, no. Go back, go back. There has been some kind of mistake. Tell Ben not to . . . O! Ben, no. There is no room. Go back quickly and tell Han . . .

**Jacen. **_[off stage] _Maybe Luke can hear us, Dad. Maybe he can let us out.

**Solos. **_[off stage] _Luke. Can you hear us?

_The Larses round on Luke._

**Owen. **What is this? What is going on?

**Luke.** They tried to get here through hyperspace. They can travel by fire, only you have blocked the fireplace . . . Hang on. _[to Jonash] _Master Solo. Can you hear me?

**Jonash. **_[off stage] _Shh!

**Luke. **Master Solo. It's Luke. The fireplace has been blocked. You won't be able to get through there.

**Jonash. **_[off stage] _Damn. What in the blazes did they want to block up the fireplace for?

**Luke. **They have got an electric fire.

**Jonash. **_[off stage] _Really? Eclectic, you say? With a _plug_? Stars and planets! I must see that. Let's think . . . O! Han!

**Han. **_[off stage] _What's happened? Has something gone wrong?

**Jacen. **_[off stage] _Oh, no, Han. This is exactly where we wanted to end up.

**Ben. **_[off stage] _Yeah. We're having the time of our lives here.

**Jonash. **Boys, boys . . . I'm trying to think what to do. . . . Yes . . . only way . . . Stand back, Luke.

_Luke backs away._

**Owen. **Wait a moment. What exactly are you going to . . . ?

_Reaching into the Force, Jonash blasts the fireplace apart._

_Enter Jonash, Jacen, Ben, and Han Solo._

**Jonash. **That's better. Ah, you must be Luke's aunt and uncle.

_The Larses, caked in dust, stare at Jonash._

Er . . . yes . . . sorry about that. It's all my fault. It just didn't occur to me that we wouldn't be able to get out at the other end. I had your fireplace connected to hyperspace, see . . . just for an afternoon, you know, so we could get Luke. Mundane fireplaces aren't supposed to be connected, strictly speaking. But I have got a useful contact at the Hyperdrive Design Division, and he fixed it for me. I can put it right in a jiffy, though. Don't worry. I will light a fire to send the boys back, and then I can repair your fireplace before I Force Travel.

_Beru hides behind Owen._

_[to Luke] _Hello, Luke. Got your trunk ready?

**Luke. **It's upstairs.

**Jacen. **We'll get it.

_Exit Jacen and Ben._

**Jonash. **Well, very . . . erm . . . very nice place you have got here.

_Jonash examines the viewscreen and the holorecorder._

They run off eckeltricity, do they? Ah, yes. I can see the plugs. I collect plugs and batteries. I've got a very large collection of batteries. My wife thinks I'm thermal, but there you are.

_Jek tries to hide behind Beru, who Owen shields from view._

Ah, this is your cousin, is it, Luke?

**Luke. **Yep. That's Jek.

**Jonash. **_[to Jek] _Having a good holiday, Jek?

_Jek whimpers._

_Enter Jacen and Ben, with Luke's trunk._

_Jacen and Ben grin._

All right. We had better get cracking, then.

_Using pyrokinesis, Jonash lights a fire in the fireplace._

Off you go, then, Jacen.

**Jacen. **Coming. Oh, no. Hang on.

_Jacen drops packages of blob candy._

_Jacen picks up the candy, then returns to the fireplace._

The _Trader's Luck_.

_Exit Jacen._

**Jonash. **Right then, Ben. You and the trunk.

_Ben steps into the hyperdrive fireplace._

**Ben. **The _Trader's Luck_.

_Exit Ben._

**Jonash. **Han. You next.

**Han. **_[to the Larses] _See you.

_Han steps into the hyperdrive fireplace._

The _Trader's Luck_.

_Exit Han._

**Luke. **Well, good-bye, then.

**Jonash. **_[to the Larses] _Luke said good-bye to you. Didn't you hear him?

**Luke. **It doesn't matter. Honestly, I don't care.

**Jonash. **_[to the Larses] _You aren't going to see your nephew until next summer. Surely you are going to say good-bye?

**Owen. **Good-bye, then.

**Luke. **See you.

_Luke steps into the hyperdrive fireplace._

**Beru. **_[screams]_

_Luke turns to see that Jek's tongue has grown twice its normal size._

_Beru grabs Jek's tongue, trying to wrench it out of his mouth._

**Jonash. **_[removes his lightsaber] _Not to worry. I can sort him out.

_Beru throws herself on top of Jek, shielding him from Jonash._

No, really! It's a simple process. It was the candy . . . my son Jacen . . . real practical joker . . . But it's only Force Enlargement. At least, I think it is. Please, I can correct it. . . .

_As Beru sobs, Owen tosses china plates at Jonash, who deflects them with his lightsaber._

Now, really! I'm trying to help.

_Owen snatches up another glass ornament._

Luke, go. Just go. I'll sort it out.

_Owen's second projectile nearly hits Luke._

**Luke. **The _Trader's Luck_.

_Exit Luke, into hyperspace._

_Exit all._


	7. The Solo Twins

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, reverting into realspace._

_Luke boards the _Trader's Luck_._

_Enter Jacen, Ben, and Han._

**Jacen. **Did he eat it?

**Luke. **Yeah. What _was _it?

**Jacen. **Blob candy. Ben and I invented them. And we have been looking for someone to test them on all summer. . . .

_Enter Kyle (Katarn) Solo, a bearded man with brown hair and eyes, and Malakili Solo, a stocky Corellian._

**Malakili. **How are you doing, Luke?

_Luke and Malakili shake hands._

_Kyle smiles and shakes Luke's hand._

_Enter Jonash._

**Jonash. **_[angry] _That wasn't _funny_, Jacen. What in the blazes did you give that mundane boy?

**Jacen. **I didn't give him anything. I just _dropped _it. It was his fault he went and ate it. I never told him to.

**Jonash. **_[angry] _You dropped it on purpose. You knew he would eat it. You knew he was on a diet . . .

**Ben. **How big did his tongue get?

**Jonash. **It was four feet long before his parents would let me shrink it.

_All but Jonash laugh._

It isn't _funny_. That sort of behavior seriously undermines mundane-Forceful relations. I spend half my life campaigning against the mistreatment of mundanes, and my own sons . . .

**Jacen. **_[indignant] _We didn't give it to him because he was mundane.

**Ben. **Yeah. We gave it to him because he is a great bullying bastard. Isn't that right, Luke?

**Luke. **Yeah. He is, Master Solo.

**Jonash. **That's not the point. You wait until I tell your mother . . .

_Enter Jaina Solo._

**Jaina. **Tell me what? _[to Luke] _Oh, hello, Luke, dear. _[to Jonash] _Tell me _what_, Jonash?

_Enter Leia Organa and Mara (Jade) Solo._

_Leia and Mara smile, smiles Luke returns._

Tell me _what_, Jonash?

**Jonash. **It's nothing, Jaina. Jacen and Ben just . . . but I have had words with them. . . .

**Jaina. **What have they done this time? If it has got anything to do with The Solo Twins . . .

**Leia. **Why don't you show Luke where he is sleeping, Han?

**Han. **He knows where he's sleeping: in my room. He slept there last . . .

**Leia. **We can all go.

**Han. **Oh, right.

**Ben. **Yeah. We'll come, too.

**Jaina. **You stay where you are!

_Exit Jonash, Jaina, Kyle, Malakili, Jacen, and Ben._

_Luke, Han, Leia, and Mara head upstairs._

**Luke. **What is The Solo Twins?

_Han and Mara laugh._

**Han. **Mom found this stack of order forms when she was cleaning Jacen and Ben's room, great long price lists for stuff they have invented . . . joke stuff, you know. Fake lightsabers and trick sweets - loads of stuff. It was brilliant. I never knew they had been inventing all that.

**Mara. **We have been hearing explosions out of their room for ages. But we never thought they were actually _making _things. We thought they just liked the noise.

**Han. **Only, most of the stuff . . . well, all of it, really . . . was a bit dangerous. And you know, they were planning on selling it at the Jedi Temple for credits, and Mom went thermal. She told them they weren't allowed to make any more of it and burned all of the order forms. She's furious at them, anyway. They didn't get as many J.I.T.s as she expected.

**Mara. **And then there was this big row, because Mom wanted them to go into the Galactic Republic like Dad, and they told her all they wanted to do was open a joke shop.

_Enter Threepio._

**Luke. **Hi, Threepio.

**Threepio. **Oh, hello, Luke. I was wondering who was making all the noise. I'm trying to work in here, you know. I have got a report to finish for the Republic. And it is rather difficult to concentrate when beings keep thundering up and down the stairs.

**Han. **We're not _thundering_. We're walking. Sorry if we have disturbed the top-secret workings of the Galactic Republic.

**Luke. **_[to Threepio] _What are you working on?

**Threepio. **A report for the InterGalactic Communications Center. We are trying to standardize cauldron thickness. Some of these alien imports are just a shade too thin. Leakages have been increasing at a rate of almost three percent per year . . .

**Han. **That will change the galaxy, that report will. Front page of the HoloNet, I expect, cauldron leaks.

**Threepio. **You might sneer, Han. But unless some sort of interplanetary law is imposed we might well find the market flooded with flimsy, shallow-bottomed products that seriously endanger . . .

**Han. **Yeah, yeah. All right.

_Exit Threepio._

_Luke, Han, Leia, and Mara enter Han's bedroom._

_Enter Whistler, chirping madly._

Shut up, Xeno. Jacen and Ben are in here with us, because Kyle and Malakili are in their room. Threepio gets to keep his room all to himself because he has to _work_.

**Luke. **Er, why are you calling that droid "Xeno?"

**Mara. **Because he's being stupid. His proper name is Whistler.

**Han. **_[sarcastic] _Yeah. And that's not a stupid name at all. _[to Luke] _Mara named him. She reckons it's sweet. I've got to keep him up here, because he annoys Fiver and Em-Teedee. He annoys me, too, come to that.

_Whistler zooms around, whistling shrilly._

**Luke. **_[to Leia] _Where's Anji?

**Leia. **Out in the garden, I expect. She likes chasing Jawas. She has never seen any before.

**Luke. **Threepio is enjoying work, then?

**Han. **Enjoying it? I don't think he would come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him on the subject of his boss. "According to Master C'Baoth . . . as I was saying to Master C'Baoth . . . Master C'Baoth is of the opinion . . . Master C'Baoth was telling me . . . " They will be announcing their engagement any day now.

**Leia. **Have you had a good summer, Luke? Did you get our food parcels and everything?

**Luke. **Yeah. Thanks a lot. They saved my life, those cakes.

**Han. **And have you heard from . . . ?

_Leia glares at Han, motioning to Mara._

_Mara stares curiously at Luke and Han._

**Leia. **I think they have finished arguing. Shall we go down and help your mother with dinner?

**Han. **Yeah. All right.

_Luke, Han, Leia, and Mara._

_Enter Jaina._

**Jaina. **We are eating out in the garden. There is just not room for eleven beings in here. Could you take the plates outside, girls?

_Exit Leia and Mara._

Knives and forks, please, you two.

_Jaina waves her lightsaber more vigorously than intended, using the Force to skin the potatoes._

Oh, for Edge's sake! Those two! I don't know what is going to happen to them. I really don't. No ambition, unless you count making as much trouble as they possibly can.

_Jaina uses the Force to stir cream._

It's not as though they haven't got brains. But they're wasting them, and unless they pull themselves together soon, they will be in real trouble. I've had more droids from the Jedi Temple about those two than the rest put together. If they carry on the way they are going, they will end up in front of the Council of Observers.

_Jaina telekineses the knives to chop of the potatoes._

I don't know where we went wrong with them. It's been the same for years, one thing after another, and they won't listen to . . .

_Jaina picks up her lightsaber, which turns into a stuffed tauntaun._

O! Not again! One of their fake lightsabers again. How many times have I told them not to leave those lying around?

_Jaina grabs her real lightsaber._

**Han. **_[to Luke] _Come on. Let's go and help Kyle and Malakili.

_Exit Jaina._

_Luke and Han walk into the garden._

_Enter Anji, chasing after Jawas._

_Enter Kyle and Malakili, levitating the two tables and smashing them into each other._

_Enter Leia, Mara, Jacen, and Ben._

_Jacen and Ben cheer._

_Mara laughs._

_Kyle's table knocks the leg off of Malakili's._

_Enter Threepio, looking out the viewport._

**Threepio. **Will you keep it down?

**Kyle. **Sorry, Threepio. How are the cauldrons coming?

**Threepio. **Very badly.

_Exit all._


	8. Dinner in the Garden

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Leia, Mara, Jacen, Ben, Kyle, Malakili, Jonash, Jaina, and Threepio._

**Threepio. **_[to Jonash] _I have told Master C'Baoth that I'll have it ready by Centaxday. That's a bit sooner than he expected it, but I like to keep on top of things. I think he will be grateful I have done it in good time. I mean, it is extremely busy in our ministry just now, what with all of the arrangements for the Galactic Cup. We are just not getting the support we need from the Galactic Council of the Games. Bog Divinian . . .

**Jonash. **I like Bog. He was the one who got us such good tickets for the Cup. I did him a bit of a favor. His brother, Lune, got into a spot of trouble . . . a mole miner with supernatural powers. I smoothed the whole thing over.

**Threepio. **Oh, Divinian is _likable _enough. But how he ever got to be a Minister. When I compare him to Master C'Baoth! I can't see Master C'Baoth's losing member of our ministry and not trying to find out what has happened to her. You realize Danni Quee has been missing for over a month now? She went on holiday to the Deep Core and never came back.

**Jonash. **Yes, I was asking Bog about that. He says Danni has gotten lost plenty of times before now. Though, I must say, if it were someone in my ministry, I'd be worried.

**Threepio. **Oh, Danni's _hopeless_, all right. I hear she has been shunted from ministry to ministry for years, much more than she is worth. But all the same, Divinian ought to be _trying _to find her. Master C'Baoth has been taking a personal interest. She worked in our ministry for a time, you know. And I think Master C'Baoth was rather fond of her. But Divinian just keeps laughing and saying she probably miscalculated the navicomputer and ended up in Wild Space, instead of the Deep Core. However, we have got enough on our plate at the InterGalactic Communications Center without trying to find members of other ministries, too. As you know, we have got another big event to organize right after the Galactic Cup. _[clears his throat] _You know the one I'm talking about, Father. The top-secret one.

**Han. **_[to Luke and Leia] _He has been trying to get us to ask what the event is ever since he started work. Probably an exhibition of thick-bottomed cauldrons.

**Jaina. **. . . with a horrible great fang on it. Really, Kyle. What do they say at the IGB?

**Kyle. **Mom. No one at the IGB gives a damn how I dress as long as I bring home plenty of treasure.

**Jaina. **And your hair is getting silly, dear. I wish you would let me give it a trim . . .

**Mara. **I like it. You're old-fashioned, Mom.

**Malakili. **_[to Jacen and Ben] _It has got to be Caamas. They flattened Naboo in the semifinals.

**Jacen. **Hapes has got Isolder, though.

**Malakili. **Isolder is one decent player; Caamas has got seven players. I wish Coruscant had got through. That was embarrassing, that was.

**Luke. **What happened?

**Malakili. **They went down to Anzat, three hundred ninety to ten. Shocking performance. And Corellia lost to Tatooine, and Alderaan was slaughtered by Eriadu.

_All eat._

_Anji chases several laughing Jawas._

**Han. **_[to Luke] _So . . . _have _you heard from Obi-Wan lately?

**Luke. **Yeah. Twice. He sounds okay. I wrote to him yesterday. He might write back while I am here.

**Jaina. **Look at the time. You really should be in bed, the whole lot of you. You'll be up at the crack of dawn to get up for the Cup. Luke, you leave your school list out, I'll get your things for you tomorrow in Mos Eisley. I'm getting everyone else's. There might not be time after the Galactic Cup; the match went on for five planetary rotations last time.

**Luke. **I hope it does this time, too.

**Threepio. **Well, I certainly don't. I _shudder _to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days.

**Jacen. **Yeah. Someone might slip rancor dung in it again, eh, Threepio?

**Threepio. **That was a sample of fertilizer from Dathomir. It was nothing _personal_.

**Jacen. **_[aside, to Luke] _It was. We sent it.

_Exit all._


	9. The Repulsorlift

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Jacen, and Ben, asleep._

_Enter Jaina, who wakes Luke and her sons._

**Jaina. **Time to go.

**Jacen. **_[groggily] _Is it time already?

_Exit Jaina._

_All dress and enter the kitchen._

_Enter Jaina and Jonash, the latter dressed mundane._

**Jonash. **What do you think? We are supposed to go incognito. Do I look like mundane, Luke?

**Luke. **Yeah. Very good.

**Ben. **Where are Kyle, Malakili, and . . . _[yawns] _. . . Threepio?

**Jaina. **Well, they are Force Traveling, aren't they? So they can have a bit of a lie-in.

**Jacen. **So they're still in bed? Why can't we Force Travel, too?

**Jaina. **Because you are not of age, and you haven't passed your test? And where have those girls got to?

_Exit Jaina._

**Luke. **You have to pass a test to Force Travel?

**Jonash. **Oh, yes. The Ministry of Travel had to fine a couple of beings the other day for Force Traveling without a license. It's not easy, Force Travel. And when it is not done properly, it can lead to nasty complications. The pair I am talking about went and shaped themselves.

_All but Luke wince._

**Luke. **Er . . . _shaped_?

**Jonash. **They left half of themselves behind. So, of course, they were stuck. They couldn't move either way. They had to wait for the Antarian Rangers to set them right. It meant a fair old bit of paperwork, I can tell you, what with mundanes' noticing the body parts they had left behind. . . .

**Luke. **Were the all right?

**Jonash. **Oh, yes. But they got a heavy fine. And I don't think they will be trying that again in a hurry. You don't mess with Force Travel. There are plenty adult Force users who don't bother with it. They prefer starfighters, slower but safer.

**Luke. **But Kyle, Malakili, and Threepio can all do it?

**Jacen. **_[grins] _Malakili had to take the test twice.

_Enter Jaina, Leia, and Mara._

He failed the first time, Force Traveled five parsecs Rimward of where he had intended.

**Jaina. **Yes. Well, he passed the second time.

**Mara. **Why do we have to be up so early?

**Jonash. **We have a bit of a walk.

**Luke. **Walk? What, are we walking to the Galactic Cup?

**Jonash. **No, no. That's parsecs away. We only need to walk a short way. It's just that it is very difficult for a large number of Force-sensitive beings to congregate without attracting mundane attention. We have to be very careful about how we travel at the best of times. And on a huge occasion like the Smashball Galactic Cup . . .

**Jaina. **Ben.

**Ben. **What?

**Jaina. **What is that in your pocket?

**Ben. **Nothing.

_Using telekinesis, Jaina summons bags of blob candy hidden all over the _Trader's Luck_, even in Jacen's and Ben's pockets._

**Jaina. **We told you to destroy them. We told you to get rid of the lot. Empty out your pockets, both of you.

_Jaina telekineses more blob candy and throws them all away._

**Jacen. **We spent six months developing those.

**Jaina. **Oh, a fine way to spend six months. No wonder you didn't get more J.I.T.s.

_Jaina, still glowering, kisses Jonash on the cheek._

_Jacen and Ben storm off without a word._

Well, have a lovely time. And behave yourselves. I'll send Kyle, Malakili, and Threepio along around midday.

_Exit Jaina._

_Luke, Han, Leia, Mara, Jacen, Ben, and Jonash begin their journey._

**Luke. **So how _does _everyone get there without all of the mundanes' noticing?

**Jonash. **It has been a massive organizational problem. The trouble is, about a hundred thousand beings turn up at the Galactic Cup, and we haven't got a Force-based site large enough to accommodate them all. There are places mundanes can't penetrate, but imagine packing a hundred thousand Force users inside Mos Eisley or Docking Bay 94. So we needed to find a nice deserted world, and set up as many anti-mundane precautions as possible. The whole Republic has been working on it for months. First, of course, we have to stagger the arrivals. Beings with cheaper tickets have to arrive two weeks beforehand. A limited number use mundane transport, but we can't have too many clogging up their airbuses and hovertrains - remember, Force adepts are coming from all across the galaxy. Some Force Travel, of course, but we have to set up safe points for them to appear, well away from mundanes. I believe there a handy wood as the Force Travel point. For those who don't want to Force Travel, or can't, we use repulsorlifts. They're objects that are used to transport beings from one spot to another at a prearranged time. You can do large groups at a time if you need to. There have been two hundred repulsorlifts placed at strategic point throughout the Core. And the nearest one to us is up at the top of Mount Tantiss, so that is where we are headed.

**Luke. **What sort of objects are repulsorlifts?

**Jonash. **Well, they can be anything. Unobtrusive things, of course, so mundanes don't go picking them up and playing with them, stuff they will just think is litter.

_All arrive on Wayland and climb atop Mount Tantiss._

Whew. We have made good time. We have got ten minutes. Now we just need the repulsorlift. It won't be big. Come on.

_Enter Huff Darklighter, a balding heavyset man with white hair and mustache._

**Huff. **Jonash. It's about time, son.

**Jonash. **Sorry, Huff. Some of us had a bit of a sleepy start. This is Huff Darklighter, everyone. He works with me at the Republic, the Rights of Sentience League.

_Enter Biggs Darklighter._

And this strapping young lad must be Biggs, am I right?

**Biggs. **Yes, sir. _[to all] _Hello.

_All but Jacen and Ben nod in greeting._

**Huff. **Long walk, Jonash?

**Jonash. **Not too bad. We live on the other side of the city there. You?

**Huff. **Had to get at oh two hundred, didn't we, Biggs? I tell you, I'll be glad when he's got his Force Travel test. Still . . . not complaining . . . Smashball Galactic Cup. I wouldn't miss it for a stack of credits. And the tickets cost about that. Mind you, looks like I got off easy. All these yours, Jonash?

**Jonash. **Only the Corellians. This is Leia, a friend of Han's, and Luke, another friend.

**Huff. **Emperor's Black Bones! You must be Luke Skywalker.

**Luke. **Yes, sir.

**Huff. **Great, great pleasure.

**Luke. **Pleased to meet you, sir.

**Huff. **Biggs has talked about you, of course. He told us all about playing against you last year. I said to him, I said, "Biggs. That will be something to tell your grandchildren, that will. You beat Luke Skywalker!"

**Biggs. **Luke fell out of his ship, Dad. I told you, it was an accident.

**Huff. **Yes, but _you _didn't fall, did you? Always modest, our Biggs, always the gentlebeing. But the best being one. I'm sure Luke would say the same, wouldn't you, eh? One falls out of his ship, one stays in. You don't need a genius to tell you who's the better pilot.

**Jonash. **_[checks his chrono] _It's nearly time. Do you know whether we will be waiting for any more, Huff?

**Huff. **No. The Xuxes have been there for a week already, and the Minglas couldn't get tickets. There aren't any more of us in the area, are there?

**Jonash. **Not that I know of. Yes, it's a minute off. We had better get going.

**Huff. **That's it there, just over there.

_The Solos, the Darklighters, Luke, and Leia surround an old boot - the repulsorlift._

**Jonash. **You just need to touch the repulsor; that's all. A finger will do.

_All but Luke grab the repulsorlift._

Ready?

**Huff. **After three. One . . . two . . .

**Jonash. **Luke.

_Luke grabs the repulsorlift._

**Huff. **Three!

_The repulsor lifts into the air, spinning its passengers around._

_The repulsor lands on a planetoid near Caamas._

_Enter Raymus Antilles, a dark-haired man in a blue suit._

**Antilles. **Five hundred seven hours from Mount Tantiss.

_Exit all._


	10. The Campsite

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Solos, Darklighters, Luke, Leia, and Raymus Antilles._

_All stand._

**Jonash. **Morning, Raymus.

**Antilles. **Hello there, Jonash. Not on duty, eh? It's all right for some. We've been here all night. You had better get out of the way; we have got a party coming from the Seswenna sector at five hundred fifteen hours. Hang on. I'll find your campsite. _[examines datapad] _Solo . . . Solo . . . About a quarter of a kilometer's walk over there, first field you come to. The site manager is called Master Jarril. Darklighter . . . second field . . . ask for Master Dravis.

**Jonash. **Thanks, Raymus.

_Exit Antilles._

**Huff. **Parting of the ways, I think, old chap. See you at the match.

**Jonash. **See you at the match.

**Luke. **See you later, Biggs.

_Exit Huff and Biggs._

_Enter Jarril._

**Jonash. **Morning!

**Jarril. **Morning.

**Jonash. **Would you be Master Jarril?

**Jarril. **I would. And who are you?

**Jonash. **Solo . . . two tents, booked a couple of days ago.

**Jarril. **Aye. You have got a space up by the wood there. Just one night?

**Jonash. **That's it.

**Jarril. **You'll be paying now, then.

**Jonash. **Ah, right. Certainly.

_Jonash pulls Luke aside._

_[pulls out mundane currency] _Help me, Luke. _[indicates truguts] _This one is a . . . a . . . a ten? Yes, I see the little numeral on it now. _[indicates wupiupi] _So this is a five?

**Luke. **A sixteen.

**Jonash. **Ah, yes. So it is. I don't know these little pieces of gold. . . .

_Jonash pays Jarril two truguts and a wupiupi._

**Jarril. **You alien?

**Jonash. **Alien?

**Jarril. **You are not the first one here who has had problems with currency. I had two try and pay me with these little golden chips ten minutes ago.

**Jonash. **Did you really?

**Jarril. **_[rummages in tin can for change] _It's never been this crowded. Hundreds of pre-bookings. Beings usually just turn up.

**Jonash. **Is that right?

**Jarril. **Aye. Beings from all over. Loads of outlanders. And not just outlanders. Nuts, you know? There is a being walking around in a kilt and a poncho.

**Jonash. **Shouldn't he?

**Jarril. **It is like some sort of . . . I don't know . . . some sort of rally. They all seem to know each other, like a big party.

_Enter Antilles._

_Using the Force, Antilles rubs Jarril's memory._

A map of the campsite for you. And your change.

**Jonash. **Thanks very much.

_Exit Jarril._

_Antilles joins the Solo party, as they head for the campsite._

**Antilles. **I have been having a lot of trouble with him. He needs a memory rub ten times a day just to keep him happy. And Bog Divinian's not helping, trotting around talking about dovin basals and grav-balls at the top of his voice, not a worry about anti-mundane security. By the Core, I'll be glad when all of this is over. See you later, Jonash.

_Exit Antilles._

**Mara. **I thought Senator Divinian was head of the Galactic Council of the Games. He should know better than to talk about dovin basals around mundanes, shouldn't he?

**Jonash. **He should. But Bog has always been a bit . . . _lax _about security. You couldn't wish for a better head of the sports department, though. He played Smashball for Coruscant, you know. And he was the best beater the Infuriated Savages ever had.

_All arrive at the campsite._

_All take notice of the clearly Force-enhanced tents._

Always the same. We can't resist showing off when we get together. O! Home, sweet home.

_The Solo party approaches an area marked __"Solo."_

We couldn't have a better spot. The field is just on the other side of the wood there. We're as close as we could be. Right, no Force use allowed, strictly speaking, not when we are this close to mundane space. We'll be putting these tents up by hand. It shouldn't be too difficult. Mundanes do it all the time. Here, Luke. Where do you reckon we should start.

**Luke. **I've never been camping in my life. The Larses always left me with Master Olin, our neighbor, whenever they took Jek.

_Regardless, Luke and Leia manage to help Jonash set up the tent._

**Jonash. **We'll be a bit cramped. But I think we will all squeeze in. Come and have a look.

_Luke and Leia exchange dubious looks._

**Luke. **What?

_All step into the tent, which appears to be a three-room flat._

I love the Force.

**Jonash. **Well, it's not for long. I borrowed this from Peckhum at the office. Poor fellow. He doesn't camp much anymore, had lumbago. _[examines kettle] _We'll need water. . . .

**Han. **There's a tap marked on the map the mundane gave us. It's on the other side of the field.

**Jonash. **Well, why don't you, Luke, and Leia go and get us some water, then. And the rest of us will get some wood for a fire.

**Han. **But we have an oven. Why can't we just . . .

**Jonash. **Anti-mundane security, Han. When the mundane camp, they cook on fires outdoors. I have seen them at it.

_Exit all but Luke, Han, and Leia._

_Luke, Han, and Leia cross the field, as others begin to wake._

_Enter Valin, a young child playing with a lightsaber, using his innate Force abilities to engorge a duracrete slug._

_Enter Nyche, Valin's mother._

**Nyche. **_[picks up Valin] __How _many times, Valin? You don't _touch _Daddy's lightsaber. O!

_The duracrete slug explodes._

**Valin. **You bust slug. You bust slug.

_Exit Nyche and Valin._

_Enter two female Force-sensitive children, riding in toy starfighters._

_Enter Mas Amedda, a blue-skinned man with horns, and Orn Free Taa, an obese man with blue skin and fatty head-tails._

**Amedda. **_[to Taa] _In broad daylight! Parents having a lie-in, I suppose . . .

_Exit Amedda and Taa._

_Luke, Han, and Leia walk around, taking notice of alien Force users._

_Enter Force-sensitive Korunnai in serious conversation and a group of Alderaanian females from the University of Alderaan._

**Luke. **_[aside] _I do hear tidbits of their conversations, and even when I don't understand their language, I can tell they all seem excited.

_Luke, Han, and Leia enter the pro-Caamasi section of the campsite._

**Han. **Er, is it my eyes, or has everything gone green?

_Enter Lando, Nien Nunb, and Sian Tevv, father of Nien Nunb._

**Nien. **Luke. Han. Leia. Like the decorations? The Republic is not too happy.

**Tevv. **Ah, why shouldn't we show our colors? You should see what the Hapans have got dangling all over _their _tents. You'll be supporting Caamas, of course?

**All. **Yes.

_Exit Lando and the Nunb clan._

**Han. **Like we would say anything else surrounded by this lot.

**Leia. **I wonder what the Hapans have got dangling all over their tents.

**Luke. **Let us go and have a look.

_Luke, Han, and Leia cross into the pro-Hapan section of the campsite._

_Each tent is decorated with holographs of a handsome man with long blond hair and blue-gray eyes._

**Han. **Isolder.

**Leia. **What?

**Han. **Isolder. Isolder Chume'da, the Hapan seeker.

**Leia. **He looks really grumpy.

**Han. **_Really grumpy_? Who cares what he looks like? He's unbelievable. He's really young, too . . . only eighteen or something. He's a _genius_. You wait until tonight. You'll see.

_Luke, Han, and Leia join the queue for the water._

_Enter Amedda and Nejaa Halcyon, a bearded man with dark hair and a green nightgown._

**Amedda. **Just put them on, Nejaa. You can't walk around like that. That mundane at the gate is already getting suspicious.

**Halcyon. **I bought this at a mundane shop. The mundane wear them.

**Amedda. **Mundane _females_ wear them, Nejaa, not the males. They wear these.

_Amedda shows Halcyon a pair of trousers._

**Halcyon. **I am not putting them on. I like a healthy breeze around my privates, thanks.

_Leia laughs._

_Exit Halcyon and Amedda._

_Luke, Han, and Leia retrieve their water._

_Luke, Han, and Leia head back._

_Enter Tycho Celchu, who reveals his new occupation as a professional Smashball player for Alderaan's Rogue Squadron._

_Exit Tycho._

_Enter Corran Horn, who greets them._

_Exit Corran._

_Enter Callista Ming, who waves and smiles at Luke._

_Exit Callista._

_Enter Force-sensitive adolescents._

**Luke. **Who are they? They don't go to the Jedi Temple, do they?

**Han. **I expect they go to some alien academy. I know there are others. I've never met anyone who went to one, though. Kyle had a penfriend at an academy on Yavin IV. This was years and years ago. And he wanted to go on an exchange trip, but Mom and Dad couldn't afford it. His penfriend got all offended and sent him a cursed hat. It made his ears shrivel up.

_Luke laughs._

_Exit all._


	11. Divinian and C'Baoth

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, returning to the Solo tent._

_Enter Jacen, Ben, and Mara._

**Ben. **You've been ages.

**Han. **We met a few beings. You haven't got the fire started yet?

**Jacen. **Dad is having fun with the matches.

_Enter Jonash, surrounded by splintered matches._

_Jonash lights it but drops it in surprise._

**Jonash. **Oops.

**Leia. **Come here, Master Solo.

_Leia helps Jonash light the fire._

_Enter Pors Tonith, a long, lanky man with pale skin; Miko Reglia, a dark-haired man in brown robes; Bardan Jusik, a bearded man in armor; Airen Cracken, a middle-aged man with graying red hair and sea-green eyes; and Belindi Kalenda, an almost cross-eyed woman with dark skin and hair._

**Jonash. **_[in commentary to Luke and Leia] _That was Pors Tonith, head of the InterGalactic Banking Clan. Here comes Miko Reglia; he's with the Committee of the Force. He has had those horns for a while now. _[to Jusik] _Hello, _Bard'ika_. _[to Luke and Leia]_ Bardan Jusik, a memory rubber, with the Antarian Rangers, you know. And that's Cracken and Kalenda. They're Ubiqtorates from NRI.

**Luke. **They're what?

**Jonash. **From Republic Intelligence. Top secret. No idea what they get up to.

_Exit Tonith, Miko, Jusik, Cracken, and Kalenda._

_Enter Kyle, Malakili, and Threepio._

**Threepio. **Just Force Traveled, Dad. O! Excellent! Lunch.

_Enter Bog Divinian, an incognizant politician with a happy-go-lucky expression and dark hair._

**Jonash. **O! The being of the hour. Bog.

**Divinian. **Ahoy there! Jonash, old man. What a day, eh? What a day! Could we have asked for more perfect weather? A cloudless night coming, and hardly a hiccup in the arrangements. There's not much for me to do.

_Threepio hurries forward, his arm outstretched._

**Jonash. **_[grins] _Ah, yes. This is my son Threepio. He has just started with the Republic. And this is Jacen . . . no, Ben . . . _that's_ Jacen, sorry . . . Kyle, Malakili, Han . . . and my daughter Mara . . . and Han's friends, Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa.

_Divinian's eyes flick to Luke's scar._

Everyone. This is Bog Divinian. You know who he is. It is thanks to him that we have got such great tickets.

**Divinian. **Fancy a flutter on the match, Jonash? I've already got Didi Oddo's betting me Hapes will score first. I offered him nice odds, considering Caamas's front three are the strongest I have seen in years. And little Tekli had put up half shares in her cyperill farm on a week-long match.

**Jonash. **Oh, go on, then. Let us see . . . a datary on Caamas to win?

**Divinian. **A datary? Very well, very well. Any other takers?

**Jonash. **They are a bit young to be gambling. Jaina wouldn't want . . .

**Jacen. **We will bet thirty-seven dataries, fifteen ingots, and three decicreds that Caamas wins, but Isolder Chume'da gets the Globe. Oh, and we'll throw in a fake lightsaber.

**Threepio. **_[aside, to Jacen] _You don't want to go around showing Senator Divinian rubbish like that . . .

_Divinian plays with the lightsaber and laughs._

**Divinian. **Excellent! I haven't seen one that convincing in years. I'll pay five dataries for that.

**Jonash. **Boys. I don't want you betting. That's all your savings. Your mother . . .

**Divinian. **Don't be a spoilsport, Jonash. They're old enough to know what they want. You reckon Caamas will win, but Isolder will get the Globe? Not a chance, boys, not a chance. I'll give you excellent odds on that one. We'll add five dataries for the funny lightsaber, then, shall we?

_Divinian pens Jacen and Ben down in his datapad._

**Ben. **Cheers.

**Divinian. **_[to Jonash] _Couldn't do me a brew, I suppose? I'm keeping an eye out for Jorus C'Baoth. My Hapan counterpart is making difficulties, and I can't understand a word she's saying. Jorus will be able to sort it out. He speaks about one hundred fifty languages.

**Threepio. **Master C'Baoth? He speaks over two hundred . . . Mon Calamarian, Muun, Gamorrese . . .

**Jacen. **Anyone can speak Gamorrese. All you have to do is point and grunt.

_Threepio glares at Jacen._

**Jonash. **Any news of Danni Quee yet, Bog?

**Divinian. **Negatron. But she'll turn up. Poor old Danni . . . memory like a leaky cauldron and no sense of direction. Lost, you take my word for it. She'll wonder into the office sometime in October, and think it's still July.

**Jonash. **You don't think it might be time to send someone to look for her?

**Divinian. **Jorus C'Baoth keeps saying that. But we can't really spare anyone at the moment. O! Speak of the Sith! Jorus.

_Enter Jorus C'Baoth, an elderly man with long silver hair and beard, dressed in a mundane suit._

Pull up a bit of grass, Jorus.

**C'Baoth. **I think not, Bog. I've been looking for you everywhere. The Hapans are insisting we add another twelve seats to the Top Box.

**Divinian. **O! Is _that _what they're after? I thought the barve was asking to borrow a pair of tweezers. Bit of a strong accent.

**Threepio.** _[genuflects] _Master C'Baoth. Would you like a cup of tea?

**C'Baoth. **Oh, yes. Thank you, Sulon.

_Jacen and Ben laugh._

_Threepio blushes._

Oh, and I have been wanting a word with you, too, Jonash. Zozridor Slayke is on the warpath. He wants a word with you on your embargo on coralskippers.

**Jonash. **_[sighs] _I sent him a droid last week. If I have told him once, I have told him a thousand times: Asteroids are defined as mundane by the Bureau of Ships and Services. But will he listen?

**C'Baoth. **I doubt it.

_C'Baoth accepts Threepio's cup of tea._

**Divinian. **Well, they will never replace starfighters in the Core, will they?

**C'Baoth. **Slayke thinks there is a niche in the market for a family vehicle. I remember my grandfather had a _Trickster _that could seat twelve. But that was before skips were banned, of course.

**Divinian. **So been keeping busy, Jorus?

**C'Baoth. **Fairly. Organizing repulsorlifts across twenty-four hundred sectors is no mean feat, Bog.

**Jonash. **I expect you will both be glad when this is all over?

**Divinian. **Glad? I don't know when I have had more fun. Still, it's not as though we haven't got anything to look forward to, eh, Jorus? Eh?

**C'Baoth. **We agreed not to make any announcements until all of the details . . .

**Divinian. **Oh, details. They've signed, haven't they? They've agreed, haven't they? I bet you anything these kids will know soon enough, anyway. I mean, it's happening on Tython . . .

**C'Baoth. **Bog. We need to meet the Hapans, you know. _[to Threepio] _Thank you for the tea, Sulon.

_Divinian rises._

**Divinian. **See you all later. You will be in the Top Box with me. I'm commentating.

_Exit Divinian and C'Baoth._

**Jacen. **What's happening on Tython, Dad? What were they talking about?

**Jonash. **_[smiling] _You'll find out soon enough.

**Threepio. **It is classified information, until such time as the Republic decides to release it. Master C'Baoth was quite right not to disclose it.

**Jacen. **Oh, shut up, Sulon.

_Enter vendors, from all across the galaxy, selling different things: luminous rosettes which squeal the names of the players, musical flags which play the planetary anthems, action figures of the players, and electrobinoculars._

**Han. **I have been saving my pocket credits all year for this.

_Han purchases a green rosette and an action figure of Isolder Chume'da._

**Luke. **_[picks up a pair of electrobinoculars] _Wow, look at these.

**Vendor. **Electrobinoculars. You can replay action, slow everything down, and they flash up a play-by-play breakdown if you need. Bargain - ten dataries each.

**Han. **_[gestures to rosette and Isolder figurine] _I wish I hadn't bought this now.

**Luke. **Three pairs.

**Han. **No. Don't bother.

**Luke. **You won't be getting anything for Life Day. _[thrusts electrobinoculars in Han's and Leia's hands] _For about ten years, mind.

**Han. **_[grins] _Fair enough.

**Leia. **O! Thanks, Luke. And I'll us some programs. Look . . .

_All but Jacen and Ben purchase souvenirs._

_A gong sounds._

**Jonash. **It's time. Come on. Let's go.

_Exit all._


	12. The Smashball Galactic Cup

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Leia, and the Solos, entering the Smashball stadium._

**Jonash. **Seats a hundred thousand. Republic task force of five hundred has been working on it all year. Force persuasion on every inch of it, to repel the mundane. Each time they get anywhere near it, they suddenly remember urgent appointments and had to dash away. Bless them.

_Enter Sei Taria._

**Taria. **Prime seats! Top Box! Straight upstairs, Jonash. And as high as you can go.

_Luke, Leia, and the Solos enter the Top Box._

_Exit Taria._

**Luke.** _[aside, reading the holosign]_ "The _Millennium Falcon_: A Ship for All of the Family - safe, reliable, and with a built-in Sienar Fleet Systems active sensor pulse generator . . . U2-C1-series Housekeeping Droid: no pain, no stain . . . Ayelixe/Krongbing Textiles - Coruscant, Cloud City, Corporate Sector . . .

_Enter Peppi Bow, a female Gungan with pink skin and violet eyes, sitting next to an invisible Joruus C'Baoth._

_[to Peppi] _Jar Jar.

**Peppi. **Did sir just call me Jar Jar?

**Luke. **Sorry. I just thought you were someone I knew.

**Peppi. **But mesa knows Jar Jar, too, sir. Mesa Peppi, sir. And you, sir . . . you is surely Luke Skywalker.

**Luke. **Yeah, I am.

**Peppi. **But Jar Jar talks about you all the time, sir.

**Luke. **How is he? How is freedom suiting him?

**Peppi. **Ah, sir. Ah, sir, meaning no disrespect, sir, but mesa no sure you did Jar Jar a favor, sir, when you is setting him free.

**Luke. **Why? What's wrong with him?

**Peppi. **Freedom is going to Jar Jar's head, sir. Ideas above his station, sir. He can's get another position, sir.

**Luke. **Why not?

**Peppi. **He is wanting paying for his work, sir.

**Luke. **Paying? Well, why shouldn't he be paid?

**Peppi. **Gungans is not paid, sir. "No, no, no," my says to Jar Jar. My says, "Go and find yourself a nice family and settle down, Jar Jar." He is getting up to all sorts of high jinks, sir, what is unbecoming to a Gungan. "You goes around racketing around like this, Jar Jar," I says, "and next thing my hears you is up in front of the Rights of Sentience League, like some common Muun."

**Luke. **Well, it is about time he had a bit of fun.

**Peppi. **Gungans is not supposed to have fun, Luke Skywalker. Gungans does what they is told. Mesa no liken heights at all, Luke Skywalker, but my Master sends me to the Top Box and my comes, sir.

**Luke. **Why has he sent you up here if he knows you don't like heights?

**Peppi.** _[glances nervously at C'Baoth] _Master . . . Master wants me to save him a seat, Luke Skywalker. He is very busy. Peppi is wishing she is back in Master's tent, Luke Skywalker, but Peppi does what she is told. Peppi is a good Gungan.

_Peppi turns away from Luke._

**Han. **So that is a Gungan, is it? Weird things, aren't they?

**Luke. **Jar Jar was weirder.

**Han. **_[looks through electrobinoculars] _Astral! I can make that old barve down there pick his nose again . . . and again . . . and again . . .

**Leia. **_[flips through the channels of the program] _"A display from the team mascots will precede the match."

**Jonash. **Oh, that's always worth watching. Planetary teams bring creatures from their homeworld, you know, to put on a bit of a show.

_Enter Finis Valorum and Ta'a Chume, an arrogant woman with red-gold hair and green eyes._

_Jonash shakes Valorum's hand._

_Threepio genuflects so low, he falls over._

_As he rises, Threepio stares jealously at Luke, as Valorum greets him like an old friend._

**Valorum. **_[to Ta'a Chume] _Luke Skywalker, you know. _Luke Skywalker_. Oh, come on now. You know who he is. The boy who survived You-Know-Who.

**Ta'a Chume. **_[in Hapan] _By the dark side, it's Luke Skywalker.

**Valorum. **You _do _know who he is. _[to Luke] _I knew we would get there in the end. I am no great shakes at languages. I need Jorus C'Baoth for this kind of thing. Ah, I see his Gungan is saving him a seat. Good job, too. These Hapan _chakaars _have been trying to cadge all of the best places.

_Enter Dooku, Mallie, and Galen Marek._

O! And here is Dooku.

**Dooku. **Ah, Valorum. How are you? I do not think you have met my wife, Mallie? Or my son, Galen?

**Valorum. **_[bows to Mallie] _How do you do? How do you do? And allow me to introduce Ta'a Chume, I think. Well, she's the Hapan Queen Mother, and she cannot understand a word I am saying, so never mind. And let's see who else . . . you know Jonash Solo, I daresay?

_Jonash and Dooku stare at each other, each face showing the utmost hatred._

**Dooku. **Great blasters, Jonash. What did you have to sell to get seats in the Top Box? Surely your house wouldn't have fetched this much?

**Valorum. **Dooku has just given a _very _generous contribution to Coruscant Medical, Jonash. He is here as my guest.

**Jonash. **How . . . how nice.

_Dooku looks at Leia and his lip curls with disgust._

**Han. **_[to Luke and Leia] _Sithin' bastards.

_Enter Bog Divinian._

**Divinian. **Everyone ready? Chancellor, ready to go?

**Valorum. **Ready when you are, Bog.

_Using the Force, Divinian amplifies his voice._

**Divinian. **Good evening. As head of the Galactic Council of the Games, it is my great pleasure to welcome each and every one of you to the final of the four hundred twenty-second Smashball Galactic Cup. And now, without further ado, allow me to introduce . . . Hapan Planetary Team Mascots.

**Jonash. **I wonder what they have brought. O! Zeltrons!

**Luke. **What are Zelt . . . ?

_Enter Zeltrons, athletic humanoids with pink or red skin, red or blue hair, and a natural beauty, their attractive qualities coming from powerful pheromones._

_The Zeltrons dance and sing, their music distracting all males in the vicinity._

**Leia. **_[after the music stops] _Luke. What are you doing?

_Luke notices he and Han looked prepared to leap after the Zeltrons._

_The Zeltrons sit on the bench._

**Hapans. **_[yell angrily in Hapan]_

_Leia pulls Luke back in his seat._

**Divinian. **And now, kindly put your appendages together . . . for the Caamasi Planetary Team Mascots.

_Enter Squibs, lupine beings with fur in various colors, about a meter in height._

_The Squibs toss gold into the air._

_All leap up to catch the Squibs' gold._

**Han. **Excellent!

**Jonash. **Squibs!

**Han. **_[tosses Squib gold at Luke] _There you go, for the electrobinoculars. Now you have got to buy me a Life Day present. Ha!

_The Squibs sit on the opposite side of the Zeltrons._

**Divinian. **And now, ladies and gentlebeings, kindly welcome the Hapan Planetary Smashball Team. I give you . . . Vista, Beedo, Bolt, Endocott, Gasgano, Guo . . . _and_ Isolder.

_Enter Maxo Vista, the Euceronian chaser; __Aldar Beedo, the reptilian chaser with orange eyes; __Dud Bolt, the tusked keeper with yellow eyes, less than a meter in height; __Ebe E. Endocott, the small chaser with webbed feet and colorful fur and skin; __Gasgano, the long-necked beater with six limbs and twenty-four fingers; __Mars Guo, the lizardlike beater with green skin and orange eyes; and __Isolder Chume'da, the long-haired seeker._

**Han. **That's him. That's him.

**Divinian. **And now please greet the Caamasi Planetary Smashball Team. Presenting . . . Hekula, Holdfast, Kee, Mandrell, Mawhonic, Pagalies . . . _and _Sebulba.

_Enter Hekula, the aggressive beater with reversed limbs; __Clegg Holdfast, the horned keeper with tough scales and a beakful of sharp teeth; __Neva Kee, the hairless chaser with batlike ears and scales; __Ody Mandrell, the small chaser with a pale gray skin; __Mawhonic, the three-eyed goatlike chaser; __Teemto Pagalies, the stocky beater with fangs and a long tail; and __Sebulba, the aggressive seeker with reversed limbs._

And here, all the way from Mirial, our referee, acclaimed healer, Barriss Offee.

_Enter Barriss Offee, a dark-haired woman with blue eyes, olive skin, and facial markings._

_Offee releases the balls, beginning the game._

They're off! And it's Mandrell! Kee! Mawhonic! Vista! Back to Mandrell! Kee! Endocott! Mawhonic!

_Luke peers into the electrobinoculars, seeing the Aurebesh words: "Kenobi Offensive."_

_The Caamasi chasers move closely together: Kee in the center, slightly ahead of Mandrell and Mawhonic - all advancing on the Hapans._

_Luke's electrobinoculars flash the Aurebesh words: "Attack Pattern Delta."_

_Kee feints, drawing Beedo away from the Grav-ball, which is caught by Mawhonic._

_Gasgano knocks the dovin basal toward Mawhonic._

_Mawhonic ducks and drops the Grav-ball._

_Endocott catches the Grav-ball._

Kee scores!

**Luke. **What? But Endocott has got the Grav-ball.

**Leia. **Luke. If you're not going to watch at normal speed, you're going to miss things.

_Embarrassed, Luke hurriedly returns the electrobinoculars to normal speed._

_The Squibs celebrate._

_Gasgano and Guo smack the dovin basals as fiercely as possible at the Caamasi, preventing their using their best moves._

_Beedo scores Hapes's first goal._

_The Zeltrons celebrate._

**Jonash. **Fingers in your years.

_All males stuff their ears._

_The Zeltrons stop celebrating._

**Divinian. **Vista! Endocott! Vista! Beedo . . . O! I say!

_Isolder and Sebulba plummet towards the ground._

**Leia. **They're going to crash.

_Isolder pulls out of the dive; Sebulba crashes._

**Jonash. **Fool. Isolder was feinting.

**Divinian. **It's a time-out, as trained Jedi healers hurry onto the field to examine Sebulba of Malastare.

**Malakili. **_[to Mara] _He'll be all right. He only got ploughed . . . which was what Isolder was after, of course.

_Luke replays Isolder's move in his electrobinoculars, seeing the Aurebesh words: "Thrawn Pincer - dangerous seeker diversion."_

_Jedi healers, led by Barriss Offee, tend to Sebulba._

_Taking advantage of Sebulba's incapacitation, Isolder searches the skies for the Golden Globe._

_At last, Sebulba rises into the air once more._

_Offee blows her whistle._

_Caamas pulls ahead ten more goals._

_As Mandrell moves toward the goal, Bolt cuts him off._

**Caamasi. **_[screams with rage]_

**Divinian. **And Offee takes the Hapan keeper to task for skifting, excessive use of elbows. And . . . yes, it's a penalty for Caamas.

_The Squibs rise angrily in the air, forming the words: "Ha! Ha! Ha!"_

_The Zeltrons rise angrily, dancing again._

**Leia. **Look at the referee.

_Offee steps in front of the male Zeltrons, trying to impress them._

**Divinian. **Now, we can't have that. Somebody slap the referee.

_Enter Tekli, a diminutive Jedi healer with brown fur, who slaps Offee._

**Offee. **_[yells at the Zeltrons in Mirialan]_

**Divinian. **And unless I'm much mistaken, Offee is actually attempting to send off the Hapan team mascots. Now _there's _something we haven't seen before. Oh, this could turn nasty.

_Gasgano and Mars Guo land._

**Guo. **_[in Hapan] _You can't send off _our _mascots. Look at the Squibs!

_The Squibs rise gleefully, forming the words "Hee! Hee! Hee!"_

**Offee. **_[in Mirialan] _Get back to your ships. Now!

**Gasgano. **_[in Hapan] _We will not. This isn't just . . .

_Offee blows her whistle twice._

**Divinian. **_Two _penalties for Caamas. And Gasgano and Guo had better get back to their ships.

_Gasgano and Guo return to the air._

Yes, there they go. And Kee takes the Grav-ball. . . .

_Gasgano and Guo grow more brutish, seeming not to care whether their bats hit dovin basal or sentient._

_Vista slams into Mawhonic, nearly knocking him out of his ship._

**Caamasi. **Foul!

**Divinian. **Foul. Vista skins Mawhonic, deliberately flying to collide there. And it's got to be another penalty. Yes, there goes the whistle.

_The Squibs send the Zeltrons a rude sign._

_The Zeltrons pyrokinetically toss fire at the Squibs, transforming into cruel-beaked avians._

**Jonash. **And _that_, boys, is why you should never go by looks alone.

_CorSec officers rise to separate the Zeltrons from the Squibs._

**Divinian. **Endocott . . . Vista . . . Mawhonic . . . Kee . . . Mandrell . . . Beedo . . . Mawhonic again . . . Mawhonic . . . Mawhonic scores!

**Caamasi. **_[cheers]_

_The Zeltrons shriek, but are repelled by CorSec._

**Hapans. **_[roars furiously]_

_Pagalies hits a dovin basal at Isolder, breaking his nose.__The Zeltrons incinerate the tail end of Offee's starfighter, distracting her._

**Han. **Time-out! Ah, come on. He can't play like that. Look at him . . .

**Luke. **Look at Sebulba!

_Sebulba dives for the Golden Globe._

He's seen the Globe. He's seen it. Look at him go.

_The Caamasi rise, cheering their seeker on._

_Isolder dives after Sebulba._

**Leia. **They're going to crash.

**Han. **They're not.

**Luke. **Sebulba is!

_As Sebulba crashes, Isolder takes the Globe._

**Malakili. **The Globe - where's the Globe?

**Luke. **He's got it. Isolder has got it. It's all over.

**Divinian. **Caamas wins! Isolder catches the Globe, but Caamas wins! Great blasters, I don't think any of us were expecting that.

**Han. **What did he catch the Globe for? He ended it when Caamas was one hundred sixty points ahead, the idiot.

**Luke. **He knew they were never going to catch up. The Caamasi chasers were too good. He wanted to end it on his own terms.

**Leia. **_[glances at Isolder] _He was very brave, wasn't he? He looks a terrible mess. . . .

_Isolder is surrounded by Jedi healers._

**Ta'a Chume. **_[in Basic] _Well, we fought bravely.

**Valorum. **_[angry] _You can speak Basic. And you have been letting me mime things all day?

**Ta'a Chume. **Well, it was very funny.

**Divinian. **And as the Caamasi team performs a lap of honor, flanked by their mascots, the Smashball Galactic Cup is brought into the Top Box.

_Valorum accepts the Galactic Cup._

Let us have a loud hand for the gallant losers . . . Hapes.

_All applaud._

_Divinian ends the Force enhancement on his voice._

_[hoarse] _They will be talking about that one for years, a really unexpected twist, that. It's a shame it couldn't have lasted longer.

_Jacen and Ben hold their hands out, grinning._

Ah, yes. I owe you . . . how much?

_Exit all._


	13. The Sith'ari

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Leia, and the Solos, exiting the Smashball stadium._

**Jonash. **Don't tell your mother you have been gambling.

**Jacen. **Don't worry, Dad. We have got big plans for these credits. We don't want them confiscated.

_All return to the Solo tent._

_All share cups of hot chocolate._

_Jonash and Malakili argue about skifting._

_Mara passes out._

_All retire for the night._

_The pro-Caamasi can be heard celebrating._

**Jonash. **Oh, I'm glad I am not on duty. I wouldn't fancy having to go and tell the Caamasi they have got to stop celebrating.

_Luke lays down, thinking about Smashball._

**Luke. **_[aside] _Oh, I am so itching to get into my A-wing and try out the Thrawn Pincer. Somehow Tycho Celchu never managed to convey what that move was supposed to look like. I can see myself in robes of Coruscanti blue, flying onto the field, with Bog Divinian announcing, "I give you . . . Skywalker."

_Luke sleeps._

_Not too long after, all are awoken by Jonash._

**Jonash. **Get up. Come on. Get up now. This is urgent.

_Yells can be heard outside the tent._

**Jacen. **It sounds like the Caamasi have got their pride on.

**Jonash. **Stop it. It's not the Caamasi. We have got to get out of here now.

**All. **_[screams] _O! Run! It's the Sith!

_All exit the tent._

_Enter Sith, a gang of dark-siders in black robes of the Sith Empire, among them Dooku, Brakiss, Ulic Qel-Droma, and Kinman Doriana._

_The Sith levitate the Jarril clan, torturing the mundane with Sith lightning._

_Blasts of lightning from the Sith set several tents ablaze._

**Sith. **_[cackle gleefully]_

**Han. **That's sick. That's really sick.

**Jonash. **_[to Kyle, Malakili, and Threepio] _We have got to help the Republic. _[to younger Solos] _Get into the woods, and_ stick together_. Jacen, Ben. Mara is your responsibility. Go!

_Exit Jonash, Kyle, Malakili, and Threepio, chasing after the Sith, their lightsabers raised._

_Luke, Han, Leia, Mara, Jacen, and Ben duck into the woods._

_Exit Mara, Jacen, and Ben._

_Han trips, yelling with pain._

**Leia. **What happened? Han, where are you? Oh, this is stupid.

_Using the Force, Leia generates a small ball of light._

**Han. **_[angry] _I tripped over a tree root.

_Enter Galen Marek._

**Marek. **Well, with feet that size, it's hard not to.

**Han. **_E chu ta_, Marek.

**Marek. **Language, Solo. Hadn't you better be hurrying along now? _[indicates Leia] _You wouldn't want _her _spotted, would you?

**Leia. **What's that supposed to mean?

**Marek. **Organa. They're after the mundane.

**Luke. **Leia is Force-sensitive.

**Marek. **Have it your way, Skywalker. If think they cannot spot an infidel, stay where you are.

_Leia holds Han back._

**Leia. **Never mind, Han.

_A blast of Sith lightning is heard at the campsite, followed by screams._

**Marek. **Scare easily, don't they? I suppose your daddy told you all to hide? What's he up to, trying to rescue the mundane?

**Luke. **Where are _your _parents . . . out there wearing masks, are they?

**Marek. **Well, if they were, I wouldn't be likely to tell you, would I, Skywalker?

**Leia. **Oh, come on. Let us go and find the others.

_Exit Marek._

**Han. **I bet his father _is _one of those dark-siders.

**Leia. **Well, if the Force is with us, the Republic will catch him. Oh, I can't believe this. Where have the others gotten to?

_Enter Shira Brie, an auburn-haired girl with green eyes._

**Shira. **_[in Shyriwook] _Where is Mistress Mallatobuck? We lost . . .

**Han. **Er . . . what?

**Shira.** _[in Basic] _Oh, _Jeedai_.

_Exit Shira._

**Leia. **Carida.

**Luke. **Sorry?

**Leia. **They must go to Carida Academy. I read about it in _The Jedi Academy Sourcebook_.

**Luke. **Oh . . . yeah . . . right.

**Han. **Jacen and Ben can't have gone that far.

_Luke checks his pocket to discover his lightsaber's disappearance._

**Luke. **I don't believe it. I've lost my lightsaber.

**Han. **You're kidding.

_Luke, Han, and Leia look around, finding no lightsaber._

Maybe it's back in the tent.

**Leia. **Maybe it fell out of your pocket when we were running.

**Luke. **Yeah, maybe . . .

_Enter Peppi, pulling an invisible Joruus C'Baoth with her._

**Peppi. **There is bad beings about. Sentients high . . . high in the air. Peppi is getting out of the way.

_Exit Peppi and C'Baoth._

**Han. **What's up with her? Why can't she run properly?

**Luke. **I bet she didn't ask permission to hide.

**Leia. **You know, Gungans get a _very _raw deal. It's slavery. That Master C'Baoth made her go up to the top of the stadium, and she was terrified. And he's got her cursed, so she can't even run when they start trampling tents. Why doesn't anyone _do _something about it?

**Han. **Well, the Gungans are happy, aren't they? You heard old Peppi back at the match. "Gungans is not supposed to have fun." That's what she likes, being bossed around.

**Leia. **It's beings like you, Han, who prop up rotten and unjust systems, just because they're too lazy to . . .

_Enter Kyp Durron, Miko Reglia, and Ian Rim, surrounded by a gaggle of Zeltron females._

**Ian. **I pull down about a hundred sacks of dataries a year. I'm a rancor killer for the NRMOC.

**Miko. **No, you're not. I've seen you. You're a dishwasher at Chalmun's Cantina. I'm an Anzati hunter. I have killed about ninety so far.

**Kyp. **I'm about to become the youngest ever Supreme Chancellor, I am.

_Luke laughs._

**Han. **Did I tell you I have invented a starfighter that will reach Yuuzhan'tar?

_Luke and Leia pull Han back, breaking him from the Zeltrons' spell._

_Exit Kyp, Miko, and Ian._

_Luke, Han, and Leia reach the center of the forest._

**Luke. **I reckon we can just wait here, you know. We'll hear anyone's coming a klick off.

_Enter Divinian, looking pale and strained._

**Divinian. **Who's there? What are you doing in here, all alone?

**Han. **Well, there's sort of a riot going on.

**Divinian. **What?

**Han. **At the campsite, some dark-siders got their hands on a mundane family.

**Divinian. **Damn them.

_Exit Divinian._

**Leia. **Not exactly on top of things, Senator Divinian, is he?

**Han. **He was a damn good beater, though. The Infuriated Savages won the league three times in a row when he was with them.

_Han removes his Isolder figurine and watches it walk around._

**Leia. **I hope the others are okay.

**Han. **They will be fine.

**Luke. **Imagine if your father catches Count Dooku. He has always said he would like to get something on him.

**Han. **That would wipe the smirk off old Galen's face, all right.

**Leia. **Those poor mundanes, though. What if they can't get them down?

**Han. **They will. They will find a way.

**Leia. **Mad, though, to do something like that when the entire Galactic Republic is out here tonight. I mean, how do they expect to get away with it? Do you think they have been drinking, or are they just . . .

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, an insane dark-sider with long silver hair and beard, raising Luke's lightsaber._

**Luke. **Hello? Who's there?

**C'Baoth. **_Sith'ari_.

_Reaching into the dark side, C'Baoth creates an apparition: a ghostly face of a Sith Lord with red and black tattoos and feral yellow eyes._

**All. **_[screams]_

**Luke. **Who's there?

**Leia. **Luke. Come on. Move!

**Luke. **What's the matter?

**Leia. **It's the Mark of the Sith, Luke. It's his mark.

**Luke. **_Sidious's _. . .

**Leia. **Luke. Come on!

_All rise; Han pockets the Isolder figurine._

_Enter Jorus C'Baoth, Jonash Solo, Huff Darklighter, Raymus Antilles, Borsk Fey'lya, Viqi Shesh, Bardan Jusik, Gilad Pellaeon, and Siri Tachi, all with their lightsabers raised._

**All. **_Stasis_!

_The Republic strike team's Force stun misses Luke, Han, and Leia by centimeters and knocks out Joruus C'Baoth and Peppi._

**Jonash. **Stop! That's my son!

_Jonash runs forward._

Han, Luke, Leia. Are you all right?

_C'Baoth steps forward, his lightsaber still raised._

**C'Baoth. **Step aside, Jonash. Which of you conjured it?

**Luke. **We didn't do that.

**Han. **We didn't do anything. What did you attack us for?

**C'Baoth. **Do not lie. You were discovered at the scene of the crime.

**Siri. **Jorus. They're just kids. Jorus, they would never be able to . . .

**Jonash. **Where did the Mark come from, you three?

**Leia. **Over there. There was someone behind the trees. He shouted an incantation.

**C'Baoth. **Over there, eh? Said an incantation? You seem very well informed about how the Mark of the Sith is summoned, girl.

_The other Republicans point their lightsabers in Joruus's direction._

**Shesh. **We're too late. He will have Force Traveled.

**Huff. **I don't think so. Our Force stun went right over those trees. There is a good chance we have got them.

_Huff moves toward Joruus C'Baoth._

**Jusik.** Huff, be careful.

**Huff.** _[off screen] _Yes. We have got them. There is someone here, unconscious. It's . . . but . . . _fierfek_ . . .

**C'Baoth. **You've got someone? Who? Who is it?

_Huff returns with Peppi._

_Huff sets the Gungan on the ground._

It can't be. No . . .

_C'Baoth rushes over in his son's direction._

**Huff. **No point, Master C'Baoth. There's no one else there. _[to Jonash] _It's a bit embarrassing, Jorus C'Baoth's Gungan, I mean to say . . .

**Jonash. **Cut the phobium, Huff. You don't seriously think it was the Gungan? The _Sith'ari_ is a Force adept's sign. She would need a lightsaber.

**Huff. **She had one.

**Jonash. **Excuse me?

**Huff. **Here. Look. _[removes Luke's lightsaber] _She had it in her hand. So that is clause three of the Rights of Sentience broke. "No non-humanoid sentient is permitted to carry a lightsaber."

_Enter Divinian._

**Divinian. **The _Sith'ari_. Who did it? Did you get them?

_C'Baoth returns._

Jorus. What's going on? Where have you been, Jorus? Why weren't you at the match? Your Gungan was saving you seat, too. _[sees Peppi] _Sithspit! What happened to her?

**C'Baoth. **I have been busy, Bog. And my Gungan has been Force stunned.

**Divinian. **Stunned? By you lot, you mean? But why . . . ? No! Peppi? Conjure the Mark of the Sith? She wouldn't know how. She would need a lightsaber, for starters.

**Huff. **And she had one. I found her holding one, Bog. If it is all right with you, Master C'Baoth, I think we should see what she has got to say for herself.

_Reaching into Force, Huff returns Peppi to consciousness._

Gungan. Do you know who I am? I am a member of the Rights of Sentience League. As you see, Gungan, the Mark of the Sith was conjured here a short while ago. And you were discovered moments later, right beneath it. Explain yourself.

**Peppi. **Me . . . me . . . mesa no doen it, sir. Mesa no knowen how, sir.

**Huff. **You were found with a lightsaber in your hand.

**Luke. **O! That's mine.

_All look at Luke._

**Huff. **Excuse me?

**Luke. **That's my lightsaber. I dropped it.

**Huff. **You dropped it? Is this a confession? You dropped it after you conjured the _Sith'ari_?

**Jonash. **Huff. Who do you think you're talking to? Is _Luke Skywalker _likely to conjure the Mark of the Sith?

**Huff. **Er . . . of course not. Sorry. I got carried away.

**Luke. **I didn't drop it there, anyway. I missed it right after we got into the wood.

**Huff. **So. You found this 'saber, eh, Gungan? And you picked it up and thought you would have some fun with it, did you?

**Peppi. **My no using the Force, sir. My . . . my . . . my is just picking it up, sir. My is not making the _Sith'ari _with it, sir. My is not knowing how, sir.

**Leia. **It wasn't her. Peppi has got a squeaky little voice, and the voice we heard was much deeper. It didn't sound anything like Peppi, did it?

**Luke. **No. It definitely didn't sound like a Gungan.

**Han. **Yeah. It was either humanoid voice.

**Huff. **Well, we shall soon see. There is a simple way of discovering the last Force power a lightsaber used, Gungan. Did you know that?

_Huff raises his own lightsaber._

Psychometry.

_Huff reads the memories of Luke's lightsaber, projecting a holographic image of the Mark of the Sith._

_Leia gasps._

_Huff dissolves the image._

So . . .

**Peppi. **My is no doing it, sir. No! No! My is no knowing how. Mesa a bombad Gungan. Mesa no using lightsabers. Mesa no knowing how.

**Huff. **You have been caught red-handed, Gungan! You have been caught with a guilty lightsaber in your hand!

**Jonash. **Huff. Think about it. Precious few Force adepts know how to use that power. Where would she have learned it?

**C'Baoth. **_[angry] _Perhaps Huff is suggesting that I routinely teach my servants to conjure the _Sith'ari_?

**Huff. **Master C'Baoth. Not . . . not at all.

**C'Baoth. **You have come very close to accusing the two beings in this clearing _least _likely to conjure the _Sith'ari_: Luke Skywalker and myself. I suppose you are familiar with the boy's story, Huff?

**Huff. **Of course . . . everyone knows . . .

**C'Baoth. **And I trust you recall the many proofs I have given, over a long career, that I despise and detest the dark side of the Force and any who wield it?

**Huff.** Master C'Baoth. I . . . I never suggested you had anything to do with it.

**C'Baoth. **If you accuse my Gungan, you accuse me, Darklighter. Where else could she have learned to conjure it?

**Huff. **She . . . she might have picked it up anywhere . . .

**Jonash. **Precisely, Huff. She might have _picked it up anywhere_. _[to Peppi] _Peppi. Where exactly did you find Luke's lightsaber?

**Peppi. **My . . . my is finding it there, sir . . . there, in the trees . . .

**Jonash. **You see, Huff? Whoever conjured the _Sith'ari _could have Force Traveled right after they had done it, leaving Luke's lightsaber behind. A clever thing to do, not using their own lightsaber, which could have betrayed them. And Peppi here had the misfortune to come across the lightsaber moments later and pick it up.

**Huff. **But then, she would have been only a few klicks away from the real culprit. _[to Peppi] _Gungan. Did you see anyone?

**Peppi. **_[looks from Huff, to Divinian, to C'Baoth] _My is seeing no one, sir, no one.

**C'Baoth. **Huff. I am fully aware that, in the ordinary course of events, you would want to take Peppi into your ministry for questioning. I ask, however, that you allow me to deal with her. You may rest assured that she will be punished.

**Peppi. **M-Master . . . M-Master . . . p-please . . .

**C'Baoth. **Peppi has behaved tonight in a manner I would not have believed possible. I told her to remain in the tent. I told her to stay while I went to sort out the trouble. And I find that she disobeyed me. _This means clothes_.

**Peppi. **No! No, Master. No clothes, no clothes!

_Peppi sobs._

**Leia. **_[angry] _But she was frightened. Your Gungan is acrophobic, and those dark-siders were levitating beings. You can't blame her for wanting to get out of the way.

_C'Baoth shakes Peppi off, staring at her with disgust._

**C'Baoth. **I have no use for a Gungan who disobeys me. I have no use for a servant who forgets what is due her Master, and to her Master's reputation.

**Jonash. **Well, I think I will take my lot back to the tent, if you all don't mind. Huff, that lightsaber has told us all it can. If Luke could have it back, please . . .

_Huff hands Luke his lightsaber; Luke pockets it._

_Exit all but Luke, Han, Leia, and Jonash._

**Leia. **What's going to happen to Peppi?

**Jonash. **I don't know.

**Leia. **The way they were treating her! Master Darklighter, calling her "Gungan" all the time . . . and Master C'Baoth . . . He knows she didn't do it, and he's still going to discharge her. He didn't care how frightened she had been, or how upset she was. It was like she wasn't even sentient.

**Jonash. **Leia. I agree with you. But now is not the time to discuss non-human rights. I want to get back to the tent as quickly as possible. What happened to the others?

**Han. **We lost them in the dark. Dad, why was everything so uptight about that tattooed thing?

**Jonash. **I'll explain everything back at the tent.

_Enter Sei Taria, Mas Amedda, and Orn Free Taa._

**Taa. **What's going on in there?

**Amedda.** Who conjured it?

**Taria.** Jonash. It's not . . . _him_?

**Jonash.** Of course, it's not him. We don't know who it was. It looks like they have Force Traveled. Now excuse me, please. I want to go to bed.

_Luke, Han, Leia, and Jonash enter the Solo tent._

_Exit Taria, Amedda, and Taa._

_Enter Kyle, Malakili, Threepio, Jacen, Ben, and Mara._

**Malakili. **Dad. What's going on? Jacen, Ben, and Mara got back okay, but the others . . .

**Jonash. **I've got them here.

**Kyle. **Did you get him, Dad? The being who conjured the _Sith'ari_?

**Jonash. **No. We found Jorus C'Baoth's Gungan holding Luke's lightsaber, but it looks like the culprit got away.

**All. **What?

**Jacen. **Luke's lightsaber?

**Threepio. **Master C'Baoth's _Gungan_?

_Luke, Han, Leia, and Jonash explain._

Well, Master C'Baoth was quite right to discharge a Gungan like that. Running away when he had expressly told her not to, embarrassing him in front of the entire Republic. How would that have looked, if she had turned up in front of the Rights of Sentience . . .

**Leia. **She didn't do anything. She was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

**Threepio. **Leia. A being in Master C'Baoth's position cannot afford a Gungan who goes running amok with a lightsaber.

**Leia. **She didn't run amok. She just picked it off the ground.

**Han. **Look, can someone just explain what that tattooed thing was? It wasn't anyone. What's the big deal?

**Leia. **I told you, Han, it's You-Know-Who's symbol. I read about it in _Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force_.

**Jonash. **And it hasn't been seen for thirteen years. Of course, beings panicked. It was like seeing You-Know-Who again.

**Han. **I don't get it. I mean, it's only a shape in the sky.

**Jonash. **Han. You-Know-Who and his followers sent the _Sith'ari _into the air whenever they killed. The terror it inspired . . . you have no idea. You're too young. Just picture coming home and finding the _Sith'ari _over your house, and knowing what you're about to find inside. . . . Everyone's worst fear, the very worst . . .

**Kyle. **Well, he didn't help us tonight, whoever conjured it. It scared the Sith away the moment they saw it. They Force Traveled before we could get close enough to unmask any of them. We caught the Jarrils before they hit the ground, though. They're having their memories rubbed right now.

**Luke. **Sith? What are the Sith?

**Kyle. **It's what You-Know-Who's supporters called themselves? I reckon we saw what is left of them tonight, the ones who managed to keep themselves out of Kessel anyway.

**Jonash. **We can't prove that, Kyle, though it probably was.

**Han. **Yeah. I bet it was. Dad, we met Galen Marek in the woods, and he as good as told us his father was one of the dark-siders in masks. And we all know the Mareks were right in with You-Know-Who.

**Luke. **But what were Sidious's supporters up to, levitating beings? I mean, what was the point?

**Jonash. **_[laughs humorlessly] _The point? Luke, that's their idea of fun. Half the genocides done when the Sith were in power were done for fun. I suppose they had a few drinks tonight and couldn't resist reminding us that several of them are still at large, a nice little reunion for them.

**Han. **But if they _were _Sith, why did they flee when they saw the _Sith'ari_? They would have been pleased to see it, wouldn't they?

**Kyle. **Don't be a _di'kut_, Han. If they really were Sith, they worked really hard to keep out of Kessel when You-Know-Who lost power and told all sorts of lies about his forcing them to kill and torture beings. I bet they would be more frightened than the rest of us to see it. They denied they had ever been involved with him. I don't reckon he would be too pleased with them, do you?

**Leia. **So, whoever conjured the _Sith'ari_ . . . were they doing it to show support for the Sith or to frighten them off?

**Jonash. **Your guess is as good as ours, Leia. But I'll tell you this, it was only the Sith Lords who knew how to conjure it. I would be very surprised if the being who had conjured it hadn't been a Sith Lord once, even if he's not now. . . . Listen, it's very late. And if your mother hears what happened, she'll be worried sick. We'll get a few more hours' sleep, then we'll try and get an early repulsorlift out of here.

_Exit all but Luke._

**Luke. **_[aside] _Three days ago - it feels like much longer, but it was only three days - I was awoken with my scar's burning. And tonight, for the first time in thirteen years, the Sith Lord Sidious's mark appears in the sky. What does this mean? _[sighs] _Oh, Obi-Wan. Have you gotten my hololetter yet? When will you reply? I have a bad feeling about this.

_Exit Luke._


	14. The Rise of the Sith

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Leia, and the Solos, returning to the _Trader's Luck_._

_Enter Jaina Solo, with a printout of the HoloNet News._

**Jaina. **Oh, thank the stars! Jonash, I have been so worried, _so worried_.

_Jaina embraces Jonash._

You're all right. You're alive. Oh, _boys_. . . .

_Jaina embraces Jacen and Ben._

**Twins. **O! Mom, you're strangling us . . .

**Jaina. **I shouted at you before you left. It's all I have been thinking about. What if You-Know-Who had gotten you, and the last thing I ever said to you was that you didn't get enough J.I.T.s. Oh, Jacen . . . Ben . . .

**Jonash. **Come on now, Jaina. We're all perfectly okay.

_Jonash pulls Jacen and Ben away from Jaina._

_[to Kyle] _Kyle. Pick up the HoloNet. I want to see what it says.

_Leia makes Jaina a cup of tea, but Jonash pours a shot of Corellian whiskey._

_Jonash and Threepio examine the HoloNet._

I knew it. _Republic blunders _. . . _culprits not apprehended _. . . _lax security _. . . _rogue Sith running unchecked _. . . _galactic disgrace _. . . Who wrote this? Ah, of course. Hallis Saper.

**Threepio. **That woman has got it in for the Galactic Republic. Last week, she said we were wasting our time quibbling over cauldron thickness, when we ought to be stamping out Anzati. As if it was not _specifically _stated in article nineteen of the Galactic Constitution on the Rights of Sentience . . .

**Kyle. **Do us a favor, Threepio, and switch off.

**Jonash. **I'm mentioned.

**Jaina. **Where? If I had seen that, I would have known you were alive.

**Jonash. **Not by name. Listen to this: "If the terrified beings who waited breathlessly for news at the edge of the wood expected reassurance from the Galactic Republic, they were sadly disappointed. A Republic official emerged some time after the appearance of the _Sith'ari_, alleging that no one had been hurt, but refusing to give any more information. Whether this statement will be enough to quash the rumors that several bodies were removed from the woods an hour later remains to be seen." Now, really! Nobody _was _hurt. What was I supposed to say. _Rumors that several bodies were removed from the woods_? Well, there certainly will be rumors now that she has printed that. _[sighs] _Jaina, I'm going to have to go into the office. This is going to take some smoothing over.

**Threepio. **I shall come with you, Father. Master C'Baoth will need all hands on deck. And I can give him my cauldron report in person.

**Jaina. **Jonash. You're supposed to be on holiday. This hasn't got anything to do with your office. Surely they can handle this without you?

**Jonash. **I have got to go, Jaina. I've made things worse. I'll just change into my robes, and I'll be off . . .

_Exit Jonash and Threepio._

**Luke. **Mistress Solo. Artoo hasn't arrived with a hololetter for me, has he?

**Jaina. **Artoo, dear? No, no. There hasn't been any post at all.

_Han and Leia glance at Luke._

**Luke. **Is it all right if I go and dump my stuff in your room, Han?

**Han. **Yeah. I think I will too. Leia?

**Leia. **Yes.

_Exit all but Luke, Han, and Leia, who return to Han's room._

**Han. **What's up, Luke?

**Luke. **There's something I haven't told you. On Benduday morning, I woke up with my scar's hurting again.

**Han. **But he wasn't there, was he? I mean, the last time your scar kept hurting, You-Know-Who was at the Jedi Temple, wasn't he?

**Luke. **I'm sure he wasn't on Tatooine. But I was dreaming about him . . . him and Nute Gunray. I can't remember all of it now, but they were plotting to kill . . . someone.

**Han. **It was only a dream, just a nightmare.

**Luke. **Yeah, but was it, though? It's weird, isn't it? My scar hurts, and three days later the Sith on the march, and Sidious's sign is up in the sky.

**Han. **Don't say the name.

**Luke. **And remember what Master Shryne said, at the end of last year?

**Leia. **Oh, Luke, you're not going to pay attention to anything that old fraud says, are you?

**Luke. **You weren't there. You didn't hear her. This time was different. I told you, she went to a trance, a real one. And she said the Sith Lord would rise again _greater and more terrible than ever before_. And he would manage it because his servant was going to go back to him. And that night, Gunray escaped.

**Leia. **Why were you asking if Artoo had come, Luke? Are you expecting a hololetter?

**Luke. **I told Obi-Wan about my scar. I'm waiting for his answer.

**Han. **Good thinking. I bet Obi-Wan will know what to do.

**Luke. **I had hoped he would get back to me quickly.

**Leia. **But we don't know where Obi-Wan is. He could be in the Unknown Regions, for all we know. Artoo is not going to manage _that _journey in a few days.

**Luke. **Yeah. I know.

**Han. **Come and have a game of Smashball in the orchard, Luke. Come on - three on three. Kyle, Malakili, Jacen, and Ben will play. You can try out the Thrawn Pincer.

**Leia. **Han. Luke doesn't want to play Smashball right now. He's worried and tired. We all need to go to bed.

**Luke. **Yeah. I want to play Smashball. Hang on. I'll get my A-wing.

**Leia. **_Boys_.

_Exit all._


	15. Mayhem at the Republic

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Leia, Mara, Jacen, Ben, Kyle, Malakili, Threepio, and Jaina._

**Threepio. **It has been an absolute uproar. I have been putting fires out all week. Beings keep sending villips. And of course, if you don't open a villip up straight away, it explodes. Scorch marks all over my desk and my best pen reduced to cinders.

**Mara. **Why are they all sending villips?

**Threepio. **Complaining about security at the Galactic Cup. They want compensation for their ruined property. Niles Ferrier has put in a claim for a twelve-bedroomed tent with en-suite Jacuzzi. But I have got his number. I know for a fact he was sleeping under a cloak propped up on sticks.

**Jaina. **_[sighs] _Your father hasn't had to go into the office on weekends since the Clone Wars. They are working him far too hard. His dinner is going to be ruined if he doesn't come home soon.

**Threepio. **Well, Father feels he has got to make up for his mistake at the match, doesn't he? If truth be told, he was a tad unwise to make a public statement without clearing it with his Minister first . . .

**Jaina. **Don't you dare blame your father for what that wretched Saper woman wrote.

**Kyle. **If Dad hadn't said anything, old Hallis would just have said it was disgraceful that nobody from the Republic had commented. Hallis Saper never makes anyone look good. Remember, she interviewed all of Muunilinst's curse breakers once, and she called me "a long-haired _chakaar_."

**Jaina. **Well, it _is _a bit long, dear. If you would just let me . . .

**Kyle. **_No_, Mom.

_Leia reads Mander Zuma's _A Standard Book of the Force, Volume IV.

_Luke polishes his A-wing._

_Jacen and Ben sit in the corner, talking in whispers._

**Jaina. **What are you two up to?

**Jacen. **Homework.

**Jaina. **Don't be ridiculous. You're still on holiday.

**Ben. **Yeah. We have left it a bit late.

**Jaina. **You're not by any chance writing out a new _order form_, are you? You wouldn't be thinking of restarting The Solo Twins, would you?

**Jacen. **Now, Mom. If the Jedi Cruiser crashed tomorrow, and Ben and I died, how would you feel to know that the last thing we heard from you was an unfounded accusation?

_All laugh._

**Jaina. **_[glances at chronometer] _Oh, your father's coming. Coming, Jonash.

_Jaina opens the door._

_Enter Jonash._

**Jonash. **Well, we're farkled now. Hallis Saper has been ferreting around all week, looking for more Republic mess-ups to report. And now she has found out about poor old Danni's going missing, so that will be on the HoloNet tomorrow. I _told _Divinian he should have sent someone to look for her ages ago.

**Threepio. **Master C'Baoth has been saying it for weeks and weeks.

**Jonash. **C'Baoth is very lucky Hallis hasn't found out about Peppi. There would be a week's worth of headlines in his Gungan's being caught with the lightsaber that conjured the _Sith'ari_.

**Threepio. **I thought we were all agreed that that Gungan, while irresponsible, did _not _conjure the _Sith'ari_.

**Leia. **If you ask me, Master C'Baoth is lucky no one at the HoloNet knows how mean he is to his Gungans.

**Threepio. **Now look here, Leia, a high-ranking Republic member like Master C'Baoth deserves unswerving obedience from his servants . . .

**Leia. **His _slave_, you mean, because he didn't pay Peppi, did he?

**Jaina. **I think you had all better go upstairs and check that you have packed properly. Come on now, all of you.

_Exit all but Luke and Han._

_Luke and Han enter Han's room._

_Enter Whistle, twittering madly._

**Han. **Bung him an oil bath. That ought to shut him down.

_Luke sets Whistler in an oil bath._

**Luke. **It's been over a week. Han, you don't reckon Obi-Wan has been caught, do you?

**Han. **No. It would have been on the HoloNet. The Republic would want to show that they caught _someone_, wouldn't they?

**Luke. **Yeah. I suppose.

**Han. **Look, here's the stuff Mom got for you in Mos Eisley. And she has got some credits out of your vault for you. And she's washed all of your socks.

_Luke and Han pack._

What is _that _supposed to be?

_Han holds out frilly maroon dress robes._

_Enter Jaina, with freshly washed robes._

**Jaina. **Here you are. And mind you pack them properly so they don't crease.

**Han. **Mom. You have given me Mara's new dress.

**Jaina. **They're not for Mara. They're for you. Dress robes.

**Han. **For what? I'm not wearing them.

**Jaina. **Everyone wears them, Han. They're all like that. Your father has got some for smart parties. Look, Luke's got some, too.

_Luke pulls out a pair of black Jedi robes._

**Han. **Well, they're all right. No lace, no barvy little collar . . .

**Jaina. **Well, I bought yours second-hand, and there wasn't a lot of choice.

**Han. **I'm not wearing them. Never.

**Jaina. **Fine. Go naked. And, Luke, make sure you get a holograph of him. The Force knows I could do with a laugh.

_Exit Jaina._

**Han. **Why is everything I own garbage?

_Exit all._


	16. Aboard the Jedi Cruiser

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Jacen, and Ben, walking downstairs._

_Enter Jaina._

**Jaina. **Jonash. Jonash. Urgent message from the Republic.

_Enter Jonash, in front of the hyperdrive._

_Enter Huff, a holographic transmission of the stocky being's head._

**Huff. **_[over holocomm] _. . . mundane neighbors heard bangs and shouting, so they went and called those . . . what do you call them? . . . cools. Jonash, you have got to get over there straight away. It's a real stroke of luck I heard about it. I had to come into the office early to send a couple of droids, and I found the Republic Observers all setting off. If Hallis Saper gets hold of this one, Jonash . . .

**Jonash. **What does Garm say happened?

**Huff. **_[over holocomm] _He says he heard an intruder in his yard, said he was creeping toward the house, but was ambushed by his dustbins.

**Jonash. **What did the dustbins do?

**Huff. **_[over holocomm] _They made one hell of a noise and fired garbage everywhere, as far as I can tell. Apparently, one of them was still rocketing around when the cools turned up . . .

**Jonash. **And what about the intruder?

**Huff. **_[over holocomm] _Jonash. You know Garm. Someone creeping into his yard in the middle of the night? It is more likely that there is a very shell-shocked nexu wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings. But if the Observers get their hands on Garm, he has had it. Think of his record. We have got to get him off on a minor charge, something in your ministry. What are exploding dustbins worth?

**Jonash. **It might be a caution. Garm didn't use his lightsaber? He didn't actually attack anyone?

**Huff. **_[over holocomm] _I will bet he leapt out of bed and started cursing everything he could reach through the window. But they will have a job proving it. There aren't any casualties.

**Jonash. **All right. I'm off.

_Exit Jonash._

**Huff. **_[over holocomm] _Sorry about this, Jaina, bothering you so early and all. But Jonash is the only one who can get Garm off. And Garm is supposed to be starting his new job today. Why he had to choose last night . . .

**Jaina. **Never mind, Huff.

_Exit Huff._

_Enter Kyle, Malakili, Leia, and Mara._

**Kyle. **Did someone say Garm? What has he been up to now?

**Jaina. **He says someone tried to break into his house last night.

**Ben. **Garm Bel Iblis? That old codger from the Republic?

**Jaina. **Your father thinks very highly of Garm Bel Iblis.

**Jacen. **Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn't he? Nuna of a feather . . .

**Kyle. **Bel Iblis was a great being in his time.

**Malakili. **He's an old friend of Yoda's, isn't he?

**Jacen. **Yoda is not what you would call _normal_, is he? I mean, I know he is a genius and everything . . .

**Luke. **Who is Garm?

**Malakili. **He's retired, used to work for the Republic. I met him once when Dad took me to work with him. He was a stormtrooper, one of the best.

**Luke. **Stormtrooper?

**Malakili. **Dark-sider catcher. Half of the cells on Kessel are full thanks to him. Mad as a hatter, though, these days.

_All leave the _Trader's Luck_._

**Jaina. **Jonash tried to borrow some Republic speeders for us. But there weren't any to spare.

_Two airtaxis pull up._

Oh, stang. They don't look happy, do they?

_Luke, Leia, and the Solos (with Whistler and Anji) pack into the airtaxis._

_The airtaxis head for Mos Eisley Spaceport._

_Luke, Leia, and the Solos deboard the airtaxis, which pull away._

_All pass through the barrier and arrive on Docking Bay 94._

**Malakili. **I might be seeing you all sooner than you think.

**Jacen. **Why?

**Malakili. **You'll see. Just don't tell Threepio I mentioned it. It's "classified information until such time as the Republic sees fit to release it," after all.

**Kyle. **Yeah. I sort of wish I were back at the Jedi Temple this year.

**Ben. **_Why_?

**Kyle. **You're going to have an interesting year. I might even get time off to come and watch some of it.

**Han. **Some of _what_?

**Jaina. **I would invite you all for Life Day, but . . . well, I expect you'll want to stay at the Temple, what with one thing and another.

**Han. **Mom. What do you three know that we don't?

**Jaina. **You'll find out this evening, I expect. It's going to be very exciting. Mind you, I am very glad they have changed the rules.

**All. **What rules?

**Jaina. **I'm sure Master Yoda will tell you.

_Exit Jaina, Kyle, and Malakili._

_Luke, Han, Leia, Mara, Jacen, and Ben board the Jedi Cruiser, which pulls away._

_Exit Mara, Jacen, and Ben._

_Luke, Han, and Leia find a compartment._

**Han. **Divinian wanted to tell us what was happening on Tython. But my own mother won't. I wonder what . . .

**Leia. **Shh!

_Enter Galen Marek, Cornelius Evazan, and Ponda Baba, unseen in the neighboring compartment._

**Marek. **_[off stage] _Father actually considered on sending me to the Shadow Academy, rather than the Jedi Temple. He knows the headmaster, you see. Well, you know his opinion of Yoda. The being is such an infidel-lover. And the Shadow Academy doesn't accept that sort of riffraff. But Mother didn't like the ides of my going to school so far away. Father says the Shadow Academy takes a far more sensible approach than the Jedi Temple about the dark side of the Force. Dark Jedi actually _learn _them, not this defense rubbish we do. . . .

_Leia slams the door shut, cutting off Marek's voice._

_Exit Marek, Evazan, and Baba._

**Leia. **So he thinks the Shadow Academy would have suited him, does he? I wish he _had _gone. Then we wouldn't have to put up with him.

**Luke. **The Shadow Academy is another Force-based institution?

**Leia. **Yes. And it has got a horrible reputation. According to _The Dark Side Sourcebook_, it puts a lot of emphasis on the dark side.

**Han. **I think I have heard about it. Where is it? Which sector?

**Leia. **Well, nobody knows, do they?

**Luke. **Er, why not?

**Leia. **There has traditionally been a lot of rivalry between all of the Force-based institutions. The Shadow Academy and Carida like to conceal their whereabouts, so nobody can steal their secrets.

**Han. **Come off it. The Shadow Academy has got to be about the same size as the Jedi Temple. How are you going to hide a great big ziggurat?

**Leia. **But the Temple _is _hidden. Everyone knows that. Well, everyone who reads _The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force_.

**Han. **Just you, then. So, go on . . . how do you hide a place like the Jedi Temple?

**Leia. **It's cloaked. If a mundane looks on it, all they see is a moldering old ruin.

**Han. **So the Shadow Academy will look like a ruin to an outsider, too?

**Leia. **Maybe. Or they might use Force illusions, like at the Galactic Cup stadium. And to keep aliens from finding it, they will have it Force cloaked.

**Han. **Come again?

**Leia. **Force illusions implemented to shield a world from sensors or to prevent its being recorded in a navicomp. But I think the Shadow Academy must be a space station, because they have got vac-suits as part of their uniforms.

**Han. **Ah, think of the possibilities. It would have been so easy to push Marek out of an airlock and make it look like an accident. It's a shame his mother likes him.

**Vendor. **_[off stage] _Anything from the trolley? Anything from the trolley?

_Enter Vendor, pushing a food cart._

Anything from the trolley, dears?

**Han. **Packet of necrotic sugar candy and a bama bar. _[checks his pockets] _On second thought, just the sugar candy.

**Luke. **Don't worry. I'll get it.

_Luke rises to his feet, as Han pays for his necrotic sugar candy._

**Han. **Just the sugar candy.

_Enter Callista Ming._

**Callista. **Two slices of _uj'alayi_, please.

_Luke and Callista exchange looks and smile._

_Callista pays for her _uj'alayi_._

_Exit Callista._

**Vendor. **_[to Luke] _Anything sweet for you, dear?

**Luke. **No, thank you. I'm not hungry.

_Exit Vendor._

**Vendor. **_[off stage] _Anything from the trolley?

_Luke sits back down._

_Enter Wedge Antilles, Lando Calrissian, and Nien Nunb._

_Leia reads, as the males discuss Smashball._

**Wedge. **Gran didn't want to go. She wouldn't buy tickets. It sounded amazing, though.

**Han. **It was. Look at this, Wedge.

_Han removes his Isolder figurine._

**Wedge. **Wow!

**Han. **We saw him right up close, as well. We were in the Top Box.

_Enter Marek, Evazan, and Baba._

**Marek. **For the first and last time in your life, Solo.

_Exit Wedge, Lando, and Nien._

**Luke. **I don't remember asking you to join us, Marek.

**Marek. **_[sees Han's dress robes] _Solo. What is _that_?

_Marek takes the dress robes off of Whistler's cage._

Look at this. Solo, you weren't thinking of wearing these, were you? I mean, they were very fashionable in about 1,890 BBY . . .

**Han. **Eat dung, Marek.

_Evazan and Baba laugh._

**Marek. **So . . . you going to enter, Solo? Going to try and bring a bit of glory to your family name? There are credits involved as well, you know. You would be able to afford some decent robes if you won.

**Han. **What are you talking about?

**Marek. **Are you going to enter? I suppose _you _will enter, Skywalker. You never miss a chance to show off, do you?

**Leia. **Either explain what you are on about, Marek, or go away.

**Marek. **Don't tell me you don't _know_. You have got a father and a brother in the Republic and you don't even_ know_. By the Force, my father told me _ages _ago, heard it from Finis Valorum. But then, Father has always been associated with the top beings at the Republic. Maybe your father is too junior to know about it, Solo. Yes, they probably don't talk about important stuff in front of him.

_Exit Marek, Evazan, and Baba._

_Han slams the door, shattering the transparisteel._

**Leia. **Han!

_Using the Force, Leia mends the transparisteel door._

**Han. **Well . . . making it sound like he knows everything and we don't . . . _Father has always been associated with the top beings at the Republic_. Dad could have gotten a promotion at any time. He just likes it where he is.

**Leia. **Of course, he does. Don't let Marek get to you, Han . . .

**Han. **_Him_? Get to _me_? As if.

_Exit all._


	17. The Sorting

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Leia, and Wedge, on the voxyn-pulled carriages._

**Han. **_[about the rain] _Stang. If this keeps up, the ocean is going to overflow.

_Enter PROXY, who tosses a water bomb at Han._

Aaaarrrgghh!

_PROXY throws another bomb that nearly hits Leia._

_Enter Mon Mothma._

**Mothma. **PROXY! PROXY, come down here at _once_. PROXY, come down here now.

**PROXY. **_[tosses bomb] _I'm not doing nothing. Already wet, aren't they? Little squirts. Wheeee!

_PROXY tosses another bomb at Liam and Salla Zend._

**Mothma. **I shall call the Master. PROXY, I'm warning you.

_Exit PROXY._

Well, move along, then. Into the Great Hall. Come on.

_All enter the Great Hall._

_Luke, Han, and Leia sit at the Revan table._

_Enter Canderous Ordo._

**Canderous. **Good evening.

**Luke. **Says who? I hope they hurry up with the sorting. I'm starving.

_Enter Dak Ralter._

**Dak. **Hiya, Luke.

**Luke. **Hey, Dak.

**Dak. **Luke, guess what? Guess what, Luke? My brother is starting, my brother Cole.

**Luke. **Er, good.

**Dak. **He's really excited. I just hope he's in Revan. Keep your fingers crossed, eh, Luke?

**Luke. **Er, yeah. All right.

_Exit Dak._

_[to Han, Leia, and Canderous] _Siblings usually go into the same Houses, don't they?

**Leia. **Oh, no, not necessarily. Winter Retrac's twin is in Shan, and they're identical. You'd think they would be together, wouldn't you? _[glances up at the staff table] _Where's the new Defense Against the Dark Side instructor? Could they not get anyone?

**Han. **Oh, hurry up. I could eat a varactyl.

_Mothma enters the Great Hall with the first years._

_Enter Revan's Mask._

**Mask.** _[singing] _A thousand years or more ago, when I was newly sewn, there lived four beings of renown, whose names are still well known: bold Revan from the Outer Rim, fair Shan from the Core, sweet Surik from the Dantooine, shrewd Kun from Yavin. They shared a wish, a hope, a dream. They hatched a daring plan to educate young Force adepts. Thus the Jedi Temple began. Now each of these four founders formed their each house, for each did value different virtues in the ones they had to teach. By Revan, the bravest were prized above the rest. For Shan, the cleverest would always be the best. For Surik, hard workers were more worthy of admission. And power-hungry Exar Kun loved those of great ambition. While still alive they did divide their favorites from the throngs, yet how to pick the worthy ones when they were dead and gone? It was Revan who found the way. He whipped me off his head. The founders put some brains in me, so I could choose instead. Now slip me snug about your ears. I have never yet been wrong. I'll have a look inside your mind and tell where you belong.

**Mothma. **Cracken, Pash.

_Enter Pash Cracken, a green-eyed boy with flaming red hair._

**Mask. **Shan.

_Exit Pash._

**Mothma. **Jace, Bror.

_Enter Bror Jace, a confident boy with blond hair and blue eyes._

**Mask. **Kun.

_Exit Jace._

_Jacen and Ben hiss at Jace._

**Mothma. **Forge, Lujayne.

_Enter Lujayne Forge, a brown-haired girl._

**Mask. **Surik.

_Exit Lujayne._

**Mothma. **Donos, Myn.

_Enter Myn Donos, a dark-haired boy in orange robes._

**Mask. **Surik.

_Exit Donos._

**Mothma. **Ralter, Cole.

_Enter Cole (Fardreamer) Ralter, a Tatooinian boy._

**Mask. **Revan.

_Cole joins Dak at the Revan table._

**Cole. **Dak. I fell in. It was wizard. And something in the water grabbed me and pushed me back in.

**Dak. **Astral! It was probably the colo claw fish, Cole.

**Cole. **Galactic!

**Dak. **Cole! Cole! See that boy down there? The one with the wide-eyed farmboy face? See him? Do you know who he is, Cole?

**Han. **Oh, hurry up.

**Canderous. **Now, Han, the sorting is much more important than food.

**Han. **Of course it is, if you're dead.

**Canderous. **I do hope this year's batch of Revans are up to scratch. We don't want to break our winning streak, do we?

**Mothma. **Capstan, Anni.

_Enter Anni Capstan._

**Mask. **Revan.

_Exit Anni._

**Mothma. **Afit, Zeen.

_Enter Zeen Afit, a craggy-faced boy._

**Mask. **Kun.

_Exit Zeen._

**Mothma. **Tarkona, Oola.

_Enter Oola Tarkona, a green-skinned girl with two flexible head-tails._

**Mask. **Shan.

_Exit Oola._

**Mothma. **Atitu, Dorsk.

_Enter Dorsk 82, a stoic boy with purple skin and yellow eyes._

**Mask. **Surik.

_Exit Dorsk 82._

_Exit all._


	18. The Galactic Games

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter all Jedi Masters and students._

_Yoda stands._

**Yoda. **I only have three words to say to you. _Fill yer boots_.

_Yoda sits._

_All eat._

**Canderous. **You're lucky there is a feast at all, you know. There was trouble in the kitchens earlier.

**Luke. **Why? What happened?

**Canderous. **PROXY, of course. The usual argument, you know. He wanted to attend the feast . . . well, it's quite out of the question. You know what he's like, utterly uncivilized. He can't see a plate of food without throwing it. We held a ghost's council. Mission Vao was all for giving him the chance. But most wisely, in my opinion, Jace Malcom put his foot down.

**Han. **Yeah. We thought PROXY seemed snarked about something. So what did he do in the kitchens?

**Canderous. **Oh, the usual. He wrecked havoc and mayhem . . . pots and pans everywhere, place swimming with soup. He terrified the Gungans out of their wits . . .

**Leia. **There are Gungans _here_. Here in the _Jedi Temple_?

**Canderous. **Certainly. The largest number on any planet in the Core, I believe. A hundred, I think.

**Leia. **I've never seen one.

**Canderous. **Well, they hardly ever leave the kitchen by day, do they? They come out at night to do a bit of cleaning, see to the fires and so on. I mean, you're not supposed to see them, are you? That's the mark of a good Gungan, isn't it, that you don't know it's there.

**Leia. **But they get _paid_? They get _holidays_, don't they? And sick leave and pensions and everything?

**Canderous. **_[laughs] _Sick leave and pensions? Gungans don't want sick leave and pensions.

_Leia stops eating._

**Han. **Oh, come on, Leia. You won't get them sick leave by starving yourself.

**Leia. **Slave labor. That's what made this dinner. _Slave labor_.

_Yoda stands._

**Yoda. **Hmm. Now that we are all fed and watered, I must once more ask for your attention, while I give out a few notices. Master Jurokk, the caretaker, has asked me to tell you that the list of objects forbidden inside the Temple has this year been extended to include tizowyrms, amphistaffs, and Fire Breathers. The full list comprises some four hundred thirty-seven items, I believe, and can be viewed in Master Jurokk's quarters, if anybody would like to check it. _[smiles] _As ever, I would like to remind you all that the forest moon of Endor is out-of-bounds to students, as is the village of CoCo Town to all below third year. It is also my painful duty to inform you that the Inter-House Smashball Cup will not take place this year.

**Luke. **What?

_Jacen and Ben mouth wordlessly, too stunned to speak._

**Yoda. **This is due to an event that will be starting in October, and continuing throughout the year, taking up much of the Masters' time and energy. But I am sure you all will enjoy it immensely. I have great pleasure in announcing that this year at the Jedi Temple . . .

_Lightning flashes inside the Great Hall, interrupting Yoda's speech._

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Garm Bel Iblis, an older mustached man with long gray hair and brown eyes._

_C'Baoth raises his lightsaber and uses the Force to repel the lightning, holding back the storm._

_C'Baoth approaches Yoda, who shakes his hand._

My dear old friend. Thanks for coming.

**Bel Iblis. **_[drinks from flask] _Stupid ceiling.

**Yoda. **Thank you. _[to all] _May I introduce our new Defense Against the Dark Side instructor, General Bel Iblis.

**Luke. **Bel Iblis? _Garm _Bel Iblis? The one your father went to help this morning?

**Han. **Must be.

**Leia. **What happened to him? What happened to his _face_?

**Han. **I don't know.

_C'Baoth sits and takes another drink from his flask._

**Nien. **What's he's drinking, do you suppose?

**Luke. **I don't know. But I don't think it's juri juice.

**Yoda. **As I was saying, the Jedi Temple has been chosen to host a legendary event: the Galactic Games.

**Jacen. **You're joking!

_All laugh._

**Yoda. **I am _not _joking, Master Solo. Though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a Gammorrean, a Clawdite, and a Squib who all go into a cantina . . .

_Mothma clears her throat._

But perhaps now is not the best time to tell it. Where was I? Ah, yes. The Galactic Games. Now for those of you who do not know, the Galactic Games bring together three schools for a series of Force-based contests. From each school, a single contestant is selected to compete. Now let me be clear, if chosen, you stand alone. And trust me when I say these contests are not for the faint of heart. The Galactic Games were first established some seven hundred years ago as a friendly competition between the three largest Force-based institutions: the Jedi Temple, Carida Academy, and the Shadow Academy. Each school took turns to host the Games every seven years, and it was generally agreed to be the most excellent way of establishing ties between young Force adepts of different sectors, until, that is, the death toll mounted so high that the Games were discontinued.

**Leia. **Death toll?

**Yoda. **There have been several attempts over the centuries to reinstate the Games, none of which have been successful. However, our own InterGalactic Communications Center and Galactic Games Council have decided the time is ripe for another attempt. We have worked hard over the summer to ensure that this time no champion will find himself or herself in danger. The heads of Carida and the Shadow Academy will be arrive with their short-listed contenders in October, and the selection of the three champions will happen on Halloween. An impartial judge will decide which students are most worthy to compete for the Galactic Cup, the glory of their school, and a thousand dataries personal prize credits.

**Jacen. **I'm going for it.

**Yoda. **Eager though I know all of you will be to bring the Galactic Cup to Tython, the heads of the participating schools, along with the Galactic Republic, have agreed to impose an age restriction on contenders this year. No student under the age of seventeen will be allowed to put forth their name for the Galactic Games.

**All. **That's rubbish! You don't know what you're doing!

**Yoda. **_[raises voice] _This is a measure we feel is necessary, given the tasks will be difficult and dangerous whatever precautions we take and it is highly unlikely that students below sixth and seventh year will be able to cope with them. I will personally be ensuring that no underage student hoodwinks our impartial judge into making them the Jedi champion. Therefore, I beg you not to waste your time submitting yourself if you are under seventeen. The delegations from Carida and the Shadow Academy will be arriving in October and remaining with us for the greater part of this year. I know that you will all extend every courtesy to our alien guests while they are with us, and will give your whole-hearted support to the Jedi champion, whoever he or she may be. And now, it is late. And I know how important it is to you all to be alert and rested as you enter your lessons tomorrow morning. Bedtime! Chop chop!

_Yoda turns to speak with Joruus C'Baoth._

_Exit all but Luke, Han, Leia, Jacen, and Ben._

**Ben. **They can't do that. We're seventeen in April. Why can't we have a shot?

**Jacen. **They're not stopping me from entering. The champions will get to do all sorts of stuff you would never be allowed to do normally. And a thousand-datary prize award.

**Han. **Yeah . . . Yeah . . . a thousand dataries . . .

**Luke. **Who is this impartial judge who is going to decide who the champions are?

**Jacen. **I don't know. But it's them we'll have to fool. I reckon a couple drops of growth acceleration might do it, Ben.

**Han. **Yoda knows you're not of age, though.

**Jacen. **Yeah. But he's not the one who decides who the champion is, is he? It sounds to me like once this judge knows who wants to enter, he'll choose the best from each school and never mind how old they are. Yoda is trying to stop our giving our names."

**Leia. **Beings have died, though.

**Jacen. **Yeah. But that was years ago, wasn't it? Anyway, where's the fun without a bit of risk? Hey, Han, what if we find out how to get around Yoda? Fancy entering?

**Han. **_[to Luke] _What do you reckon? It would be cool to enter, wouldn't it? But I suppose they might want someone older. I don't know if we have learned enough.

_Enter Wedge._

**Wedge. **I definitely haven't. I expect my gran would want me to try, though. She's always going on about how I should be upholding the family honor. I'll just have

to . . . O!

_Wedge gets stuck in the trick step on the staircase._

_Luke and Han help Wedge out of the trap._

_A couple of automatons laugh._

**Han. **Oh, switch off.

_Enter Kara._

**Kara. **Password?

**Ben. **Bumblefluff. A prefect downstairs told me.

_All enter Revan Tower._

**Leia. **_Slave labor_.

_Exit all but Luke, Han, and Wedge, who enter their dormitory._

_Enter Lando and Nien._

**Han. **I might go for it, you know, if Jacen and Ben figure out how to . . . the Games . . . You never know, do you?

**Luke. **I suppose not.

_Exit all._


	19. Bo'tous Spores

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, in the Great Hall._

**Han. **Today is not bad, outside all morning. Living Force with the Suriks and Animal Friendship . . . damn it. We're still with the Kuns.

**Luke. **Double Divination this afternoon.

**Leia. **You should have given it up like me, shouldn't you? Then you would be doing something sensible like Precognition.

**Han. **You're eating again, I noticed.

**Leia. **I have decided there are better ways of making a stand about Gungan rights.

**Han. **Yeah. And you were hungry.

_Luke, Han, and Leia join the Revans and the Suriks in the greenhouses._

_Enter Yaddle._

**Yaddle. **Bo'tous. They need squeezing. You will collect the spores . . .

**Nien. **The _what_?

**Yaddle. **Spores, Nunb, spores. And they are extremely valuable, so don't waste them. You will collect the spores, I say, in these bottles. Wear your rancor-hide gloves. They can do funny things to the skin, when undiluted, bo'tous spores.

_All spend the class collecting bo'tous spores._

Master Che will be pleased. An excellent remedy for the more stubborn forms of acne, bo'tous spores. Should stop students from resorting to more drastic measures to rid themselves of pimples.

**Iella. **Like poor Inyri Forge. She tried to curse hers off.

**Yaddle. **Silly girl. But Master Che fixed her nose back on in the end.

_Exit all._


	20. Zillo Beasts

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Leia, Wedge, Lando, Nien, Winter, and Bria Tharen, near Chewbacca's wroshyr treehouse._

_Enter Chewbacca._

**Chewbacca. **Morning. We had better wait for the Kuns. They won't want to miss this: Zillo Beasts.

**Han. **Come again?

_Enter Zillo Beasts, a infant reptiles with three arms, spiked tail, impenetrable hide, and forked tongue._

**Bria. **Eurgh!

**Chewbacca. **They only just hatched, so you will be able to raise them yourselves. I thought we would make a bit of a project out of it.

_Enter Marek, Evazan, Baba, Asajj Ventress, Gethzerion, Cay Qel-Droma, Juno Eclipse, and Nikkos Tyris._

**Marek. **And why would we _want _to raise them? I mean, what do they _do_? What is the _point _of them?

**Chewbacca. **That's next lesson, Marek. You're just feeding them today. Now, you will want to try them on a few different things. I have never had them before. I'm not sure what they will go for. I have tried ysalamir eggs, thranta livers, and a bit of coral snake. Just try them out with a bit of each.

**Nien. **First spores and now this.

_Luke, Han, and Leia feed Zillo Beasts thranta livers._

_All feed Zillo Beasts a mix of thranta livers, ysalamir eggs, and bits of coral snakes._

_A Zillo Beast explodes._

**Lando. **O! It got me. Its end exploded.

**Chewbacca. **Ah, that can happen when they blast off.

**Bria. **Eurgh. Chewbacca, what is that pointy thing on it?

**Chewbacca. **Ah, some of them have got stings. I reckon they're the males. They females have got sort of sucker things on their bellies. I think they might be to suck blood.

**Marek. **Well, I can certainly see why we're trying to keep them alive. Who wouldn't want pets that can bite, burn, and sting all at once?

**Leia. **Just because they're not pretty, it doesn't mean they are not useful. Acklay blood is amazingly beneficial, but you wouldn't want an acklay for a pet, would you?

_Luke and Han grin._

_Exit all but Luke, Han, and Leia._

**Han. **Well, at least the Zillos are small.

**Leia. **They are now. But once Chewie has found out what they eat, I imagine they will be ninety-seven meters long.

**Han. **Well, that won't matter if they turn out to cure hyper-rapture or something, will it?

**Leia. **You know perfectly well I only said that to shut Marek up. As a matter of fact, I think he's right. The best thing to do would be to stamp on the lot of them before they start attacking us all.

_All enter the Great Hall._

_Leia eats quickly._

**Han. **Er . . . is this the new stand on Gungan rights? You're going to make yourself puke?

**Leia. **No. I just want to get to the Archives.

**Han. **_What_? Leia, it's the first day back. We haven't even got homework yet.

**Leia. **See you.

_Exit all._


	21. Garm Bel Iblis

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, Wedge, Lando, Nien, Winter, and Bria Tharen, in the Spire of Tranquility._

_Enter Roan Shryne._

**Shryne. **Good day. _[to Luke] _You are preoccupied, my dear. The Force sees past your brave face to the troubled soul beneath. And I regret to say that your worries are not baseless. I see difficult times ahead of you, alas. Most difficult. I fear the thing you dread will indeed come to pass . . . and perhaps sooner than you think. _[to all] _My dears, it is time for us to consider the stars. The movements of the planets and the mysterious portents they reveal only to those who understand the steps of the celestial dance_._ Sentient destiny may be deciphered by the planetary rays, which intermingle.

**Luke. **_[aside, dozing off] _"I fear the thing you dread will indeed come to pass . . ." I doubt it. I'm not dreading anything at the moment at all. Well, unless you count my fears for Obi-Wan. But what do you know? I have long since come to the conclusion that your brand of farseeing was really no more than lucky guesswork and a spooky manner . . . except, of course, for that time at the end of last term, when you predicted Sidious's rising again. And Yoda himself said he thought that trance had been genuine. . . .

**Han. **Luke.

**Luke. **_[to Han] _What?

**Shryne. **I was saying, my dear, that you were clearly born under the baleful influence of Yavin.

**Luke. **Born under . . . what, sorry?

**Shryne. **Yavin, dear, the planet Yavin. I was saying that Yavin was surely in a position of power in the heavens at the moment of your birth. Your sandy hair, your mean stature, tragic losses so young in life . . . I think I am right in saying, my dear, that you were born in midwinter?

**Luke. **No. I was born in July.

_Han laughs._

_All examine star-charts._

I have got two Kaminos here. That can't be right, can it?

**Han. **_[imitates Shryne] _O! When two Kaminos appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a wide-eyed farmboy has been born, Luke.

_Lando and Nien laugh._

**Bria. **O! Master, look! I think I have got an unexpected planet. O! Which one is that, Master?

**Shryne. **It is Yuuzhan'tar, my dear.

**Han. **Can I have a look at Yuuzhan'tar, too, Bria?

_All laugh._

**Shryne. **_[angry] _A detailed analysis of the way the planetary movements in the coming month will affect you, with reference to your personal chart. I want it ready to hand in next Primeday, and no excuses.

_Exit all but Luke and Han, who enter the Great Hall._

**Han. **Miserable old coot. That will take all weekend, that will.

_Enter Leia._

**Leia. **Lots of homework? Master Sifo-Dyas didn't give us any.

**Han. **Well, bully for Master Sifo-Dyas.

_Enter Marek, Evazan, and Baba._

**Marek. **Solo. Hey, Solo.

**Han. **What?

**Marek. **Your father is on the HoloNet, Solo. Listen to this.

_Enter Hallis Saper, a holographic recording of the brown-haired holodocumentarian with braided hair._

**Hallis. **It seems as though the Galactic Republic's troubles are not yet at an end. Recently under fire for its poor crowd control at the Smashball Galactic Cup, and still unable to account for the disappearance of one of its workers, the Republic was plunged into fresh embarrassment yesterday by the antics of Jagged Solo of the Misuse of Mundane Artifacts Office.

**Marek. **Imagine their not even getting his name right, Solo. It's almost as if he is a complete nonentity, isn't it?

**Hallis. **Jagged Solo, who was charged with possession of an enchanted Corellian freighter two years ago, was yesterday involved in a tussle with several mundane law-keepers ("police officers") over a number of highly aggressive dustbins. Master Solo appears to have rushed to the aid of Garm Bel Iblis, the aged ex-stormtrooper who retired from the Republic when no longer able to tell the difference between a handshake and attempted murder. Unsurprisingly, Master Solo, upon arrive at General Bel Iblis's heavily guarded house, that General Bel Iblis had once again raised a false alarm. Master Solo was forced to rub several memories before he could escape from the cools, but refused to answer HoloNet questions about why he had involved the Republic in such an undignified and potentially embarrassing scene.

_Exit Hallis._

**Marek. **And there's a holograph, Solo, a holograph of your parents outside their house . . . if you can call that a house. Your mother could do with losing a bit of weight, couldn't she?

**Luke. **Scratch gravel, Marek. Come on, Han.

**Marek. **Oh, yeah. You were staying with them this summer, weren't you, Skywalker? So tell me, is his mother really that porky, or is it just the holograph?

**Luke. **You know _your _mother, Marek, that expression she's got like she has got dung under her nose? Has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?

**Marek. **Don't you dare insult my mother, Skywalker.

**Luke. **Keep your fat mouth shut, then.

_Luke turns away._

_Marek raises his lightsaber._

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Garm Bel Iblis, his lightsaber raised._

**Bel Iblis. **Oh, no you don't, laddie!

_Using Jedi sorcery, C'Baoth transforms Marek into an amphibious gorg._

_[levitates Marek] _I'll teach you to curse someone when their back is turned. Stinking, cowardly, scummy . . .

_Enter Mon Mothma._

**Mothma. **General Bel Iblis. What are you doing?

**Bel Iblis. **Teaching.

**Mothma. **Is that . . . is that a student?

**Bel Iblis. **Technically, it's a gorg.

_Mothma transforms Marek back into a human._

**Marek. **My father will hear about this?

_Marek, Evazan, and Baba turn away._

**Bel Iblis. **Is that a threat? I could tell you stories about your father that would curl even your greasy hair, boy. It doesn't end here.

**Mothma. **Garm. We never use Jedi sorcery as a punishment. Surely Master Yoda told you this?

**Bel Iblis. **He might have mentioned it.

**Mothma. **Then you would do well to remember it. Garm, we give detentions or speak to the offender's House.

**Bel Iblis. **I'll do that, then. _[to Marek] _Your Head of House will be Vader, will it?

**Marek. **Yes.

**Bel Iblis. **Another old friend. I have been looking forward to having a chat with old Vader. Come on, you.

_Exit C'Baoth, taking Marek, Evazan, and Baba with him._

_Exit Mothma._

_Leia turns away from the Great Hall._

**Luke. **Don't tell me you're going back to the Archives this evening?

**Leia. **I have to. Loads to do.

**Luke. **But you said Master Sifo-Dyas didn't . . .

**Leia. **Oh, it's not schoolwork.

_Exit Leia._

_Enter Jacen, Ben, and Wes Janson._

**Jacen. **Bel Iblis. How cool is he?

**Ben. **Beyond cool.

**Janson. **Supercool. _[to Luke and Han] _We had him this afternoon.

**Luke. **What's he like?

**Jacen. **I've never had a lesson like it.

**Janson. **He _knows_, man.

**Han. **Knows what?

**Ben. **Knows what it's like to be out there _doing_ it.

**Luke. **Doing what?

**Jacen. **Fighting the dark side.

**Ben. **He's seen it all.

**Janson. **Amazing.

_Exit Jacen, Ben, and Janson._

**Han. **We haven't got him until Zhellday.

_Exit all._


	22. The Forbidden Powers of the Bogan

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, in Garm Bel Iblis's classroom, among the other fourth years._

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Garm Bel Iblis._

**Bel Iblis. **You can put those away, those books. You won't need them.

_All put away books._

Right then, I have had a hololetter from Master Jinn about this class. It seems you have had a pretty thorough ground in tackling dark side creatures. You have covered Gurlanins, Chazrachs, ysalamiri, dinkos, monkey-lizards, and Shistavanens, is that right?

**All. **Yeah.

**Bel Iblis. **But you're behind, very behind, on dealing with curses. So I am here to bring you up to scratch on what Force users can do to each other. I am here because Yoda asked me. End of story. Good-bye. The end. Any questions? _[laughs harshly] _So . . . straight into it. Curses. They come in many strengths and forms. Now the Republic says you're too young to know what these curses do. I say different. You need to know what you're up against. You need to be prepared. You need to find another place to stick your chewing gum besides the underside of your desk, Master Nunb.

**Nien. **Oh, no way. The old codger can see out of the back of his head.

**Bel Iblis. **And hear across classrooms. So, can anyone tell me how many how many forbidden powers of the Bogan there are?

**Leia. **Three, sir.

**Bel Iblis. **And they are so named?

**Leia. **Because they are forbidden. The use of any one of them will . . .

**Bel Iblis. **Will earn you a one-way ticket to Kessel. Correct. So, which curse shall we do first? Solo.

**Han. **Well, my father did tell me about one: Affect Mind.

**Bel Iblis.** Ah, yes. Your father _would _know all about that. It gave the Republic quite a bit of grief a few years ago. Perhaps this will show you why.

_C'Baoth takes out an arachne._

_Han shudders._

_[removes his lightsaber] Qâzoi Kyantuska_.

_C'Baoth forces the arachne to twitch and move around acrobatically._

Don't worry. Completely harmless. But if she bites she's lethal.

_All but C'Baoth laugh._

What are you laughing at? _[removes his control on the arachne's mind] _Talented, isn't she? What shall I have her do next? Jump out of the window? Drown herself?

_All stop laughing._

Scores of former Sith acolytes claimed they only did You-Know-Who's bidding, while under the influence of Affect Mind. But here's the rub: how do we sort out the liars? Affect Mind can be fought, and I will be showing you how. But it takes real strength of character, and not everyone has got it. Better avoid getting hit with it, if you can. Constant vigilance!

_Several students jump up, startled._

Another, another. Come on, come on.

_Wedge raises his hand._

Antilles, is it? Up.

_Wedge stands._

Master Yaddle tells me you have an aptitude for the Living Force.

**Wedge. **There's . . . er . . . Sith lightning.

**Bel Iblis. **Correct, correct. Come, come.

_C'Baoth beckons Wedge forward, as he removes a second arachne._

Particularly nasty. The power of torture. It needs to be a bit bigger for you to get the idea.

_Using the Force, C'Baoth increases the arachne's mass._

_Kinetite_.

_Blue-white bolts of electricity fly from C'Baoth's fingers, torturing the arachne._

_Wedge twitches uncomfortably._

_C'Baoth takes sadistic pleasure in his torturing of the arachne._

**Leia. **Stop it! Can't you see it's bothering him? Stop it!

_C'Baoth removes the curse from his victim._

_Wedge sits._

**Bel Iblis. **Perhaps you could give us the last forbidden use of the Bogan, Miss Organa?

**Leia. **Force Kill.

_Reaching into the dark side, C'Baoth stops the heart of the last arachne, telekinetically killing it instantly._

**Bel Iblis. **Force Kill. Only one being is known to have survived it . . . and he's sitting in this room.

_C'Baoth looks right at Luke._

**Luke. **_[aside] _So that is how my parents died, exactly like that arachne. Had they been unblemished and unmarked, too? Had they simply seen a flash of green light and heard the rush of speeding death, before life was wiped from their bodies? I have been picturing my parents' deaths over and over again for three years now, ever since I found out what happened that night: Gunray betrayed my parents' whereabouts to Sidious, who came to find us at our cottage. Father tried to hold him off, while he shouted at his wife to take me and run. Sidious advanced on Mother, told her to move aside so that he could kill me. She begged him to kill her instead, refused to stop shielding me. And so Sidious murdered her, too, before turning his lightsaber on me. . . .

**Bel Iblis. **Force Kill is a power that needs a powerful bit of the Force behind it. You could all get your lightsabers out now, point them at me, and say those words, and I doubt I would get as much as a nosebleed. But that doesn't matter. I'm not here to teach you how to do it. Now, if there is no blocking it, why am I showing you? _Because you have got to know_. You have got to appreciate what the worst is. You don't want to find yourself in a situation where you're facing it. Constant vigilance! Get out your pens. Copy this down.

_All take notes on the forbidden powers of the Bogan._

_Exit all Luke, Han, and Leia, who leave Bel Iblis's classroom._

**Han. **Brilliant, isn't he? Completely demented, of course. Terrifying to be in the same room with. But he has really been there, you know?

**Leia. **There is a reason those powers are forbidden, and to perform them in a classroom . . . I mean, did you see Wedge's face?

_Enter Wedge._

Wedge.

**Wedge. **Oh, hello. Interesting lesson, wasn't it? I wonder what's for dinner. I'm . . . I'm starving, aren't you?

**Leia. **Wedge. Are you all right?

**Wedge. **Oh, yes. I'm fine. Very interesting dinner . . . I mean, lesson. What's for eating?

**Han. **Wedge, what . . . ?

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth._

**Bel Iblis. **Son. Are you all right? Come on. We will have a cup of tea in my quarters. I want to show you something. _[to Luke] _You all right, are you, Skywalker?

**Luke. **Yes.

**Bel Iblis. **You have got to know. It seems harsh, maybe. But _you have got to know_. No point pretending. Well, come on, Antilles, I have got some books that might interest you.

_Exit all._


	23. The Alliance of Free Planets

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke and Han, working on Master Shryne's predictions._

**Luke. **Wouldn't Bel Iblis and Yoda be in trouble with the Republic, if they knew we had seen those curses?

**Han. **Yeah. Probably. But Yoda has always done things his way, hasn't he? And Bel Iblis has been getting in trouble for years, I reckon. He attacks first and asks questions later.

_Enter Wedge._

**Luke. **You all right, Wedge?

**Wedge. **Oh, yes. I'm fine, thanks. I'm just reading this book General Bel Iblis lent me. _The Wildlife of Mon Calamari_.

_Exit Wedge._

**Luke. **_[examines star-chart] _I haven't got a clue what this lot is supposed to mean.

**Han. **You know, I think it's back to the old Divination standby.

**Luke. **What, make it up?

**Han. **Yeah. _[starts writing] _Next Primeday, I am likely to develop a cough, owing to the unlucky conjunction of Yun-Yammka and Mortis. You know her. Just put in loads of misery. She'll lap it up.

**Luke. **Right. Okay . . . on Primeday, _I _will be in danger of . . . er . . . burns.

**Han. **Yeah. You will be. We're seeing the Zillo Beasts again on Primeday. Okay, Centaxday, _I'll _. . . erm . . .

**Luke.** Lose a treasured possession.

**Han.** Good one. Because of . . . erm . . . Yun-Harla. Why don't you get stabbed in the back by someone you thought was a friend?

**Luke. **Yeah, cool. Because . . . Yun-Txiin is in the twelfth house.

**Han. **And on Taungsday, I think I will come off worst in a fight.

**Luke. **I was going to have a fight. I'll lose a bet instead.

**Han. **Yeah. You were betting I would win my fight.

_Enter Anji, watching Luke and Han work with disapproval._

_Enter Jacen and Ben, working quietly._

**Ben. **_[to Jacen] _No. That sounds like we're accusing him. We have got to be careful.

_Exit Jacen and Ben._

_Enter Leia, with a box._

**Leia. **Hello. I have just finished.

**Han. **So have I.

**Leia. **_[examines their star-charts] _Not going to have a very good week, are you?

**Han. **Well, at least I am forewarned.

**Leia. **You seem to be drowning twice.

**Han. **Oh, am I? I had better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging varactyl.

**Leia. **Don't you think it's a bit obvious you have made this up?

**Han. **How dare you! We have been working like Gungans here. _[at Leia's expression] _It's just an expression.

**Luke. **What's in the box?

**Leia. **Funny you should ask.

_Leia removes several badges, all bearing the letters "AFP."_

**Luke. **Afp? What's this about?

**Leia. **Not _afp_. It's A.F.P. It stands for the Alliance of Free Planets.

**Han. **I've never heard of it.

**Leia.** Well, of course you haven't. I've only just started it.

**Han. **Yeah? How many members have you got?

**Leia. **Well, if you two join, three.

**Han. **And do you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying _afp_, do you?

**Leia. **A.F.P. I was going to put "Stop the Policy of Blatant Racism and Genocide Against the Nonhuman Peoples." But it wouldn't fit. So that's the heading of our manifesto. I have been researching it thoroughly in the Archives. Gungan enslavement goes back centuries. I can't believe no one has done anything before now.

**Han. **Leia. Open your ears. They . . . like . . . it. They _like _being enslaved.

**Leia. **Our short-term aims are to secure Gungans fair wages and working conditions. Our long-term aims include changing the law about non-lightsaber use, and trying to get a Gungan in the Rights of Sentience League, because they're shockingly underrepresented.

**Luke. **And how do we do all of this?

**Leia. **We start by recruiting members. I thought two ingots to join. That buys a badge. And the proceeds can fund our leaflet campaign. You're treasurer, Han. I've got you a collecting tin upstairs. And Luke, you're secretary, so you might want to write down everything I am saying now, as a record of our first meeting.

_Luke and Han exchange exasperated looks._

_Enter R2-D2, with a message from Obi-Wan Kenobi._

**Luke. **Artoo. About time.

**Han. **He's got an answer.

_Enter Obi-Wan Kenobi, a holographic image of the bearded man with graying auburn hair._

**Obi-Wan. **Luke. I'm flying Coreward immediately. This news about your scar is the latest in a series of strange rumors that have reached me here. If it hurts again, go straight to Yoda. They're saying he has got Garm out of retirement, which means he is reading the signs, even if nobody else is. I'll be in touch soon. My best to Han and Leia. Keep your eyes open, Luke. Kenobi out.

_Exit Obi-Wan._

**Leia. **He's flying Coreward. He's coming _back_?

**Han. **Yoda is reading what signs? Luke, what's up?

**Luke. **I shouldn't have told him.

**Han. **What's your beef?

**Luke. **He's made him think he had got to come back. He's coming back because he thinks I'm in trouble. And there's nothing wrong with me. _[to Artoo] _And I haven't got anything for you. You will have to go up to the Communications Center, if you want fuel.

_Exit R2-D2, offended._

**Leia. **Luke.

**Luke. **I'm going to bed. See you in the morning.

_Exit all._


	24. Affect Mind

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, in the Jedi Temple Communications Center._

_Enter R2-D2._

**Luke. **_[recording message] _Obi-Wan. I reckon I just imagined my scar's hurting. I was half asleep when I wrote to you last time. There's no point coming back. Everything is fine here. Don't worry about me. My head feels completely normal. Skywalker out. _[to Artoo] _Just find him, okay?

_Exit Artoo._

_Luke enters the Great Hall._

_Enter Han and Leia._

**Leia. **That was a _lie_, Luke. You _didn't_ imagine your scar's hurting, and you know it.

**Luke. **So what? He's not going to Kessel because of me.

**Han. **_[to Leia] _Drop it.

_Luke, Han, and Leia enter Garm Bel Iblis's classroom, among the other fourth years._

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Bel Iblis._

**Bel Iblis. **Today, I will be placing each and every one of you under the influence of Affect Mind, to demonstrate its power and to see which of you can resist its effects.

**Leia. **But . . . but you said it's illegal, General. You said to use it against another sentient was . . .

**Bel Iblis. **Yoda wants you taught what it feels like. If you would rather learn the hard way, when someone is putting it on you, so they can control you completely, fine by me. You're excused. Off you go.

**Leia. **_[mutters] _I didn't mean I wanted to leave.

_Reaching into the dark side, C'Baoth places each and every one of them under his control._

_Lando hops around thrice, singing the Republic anthem._

_Bria imitates a scurrier._

_Wedge performs an extraordinary amount of gymnastics._

**Bel Iblis. **Skywalker. You next. _Qâzoi Kyantuska_. Jump onto the desk. Jump onto the desk.

_Luke prepares to spring._

Jump onto the desk.

**Luke. **_[aside] _Why, though? Stupid thing to do, really.

**Bel Iblis. **Jump onto the desk.

**Luke. **_[aside] _No. I don't think I will, thanks. No. I don't really want to.

**Bel Iblis. **Jump! _Now_!

_Luke both jumps and tries to stop himself from jumping, resulting in his crashing into the desk and fracturing both his kneecaps._

_C'Baoth removes Luke from his spell._

Now, _that's _more like it. Look at that, you lot. Skywalker fought. He fought it, and he damn near beat it. We'll try that again, Skywalker. And the rest of you, pay attention. Watch his eyes. That's where you see it. Very good, Skywalker. Very good indeed. They will have trouble controlling _you_.

_Exit all._


	25. The Notice

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, among the other fourth years in Mon Mothma's classroom._

_Enter Mon Mothma._

**Mothma. **You are now entering a most important phase in your Jedi education. Your Jedi Initiate Trials are growing ever closer . . .

**Lando. **We don't take J.I.T.s until fifth year.

**Mothma. **Maybe not, Calrissian. But believe me, you need all the preparation you can get. Miss Organa remains the only being in this class who has managed to turn a gnathgrg into a satisfactory pincushion. I might remind you that _your _pincushion, Calrissian, still curls up in fright if anyone approaches it with a pin.

_Exit Mothma and Leia._

_All enter Roan Shryne's classroom._

_Enter Shryne._

**Shryne. **Congratulations, boys, on your unflinching acceptance of the horrors in store for you. This is the kind of work I will be expecting for next week.

_Exit Shryne._

_All arrive at Chewbacca's wroshyr treehouse._

_Enter Chewbacca, Leia, and the Kuns._

**Chewbacca. **As a little project, I would like you all to come down here on alternate evenings to observe the Zillo Beasts and make notes on any extraordinary behavior.

**Marek. **I will not. I see enough of these foul things during lessons, thanks.

**Chewbacca. **You will do what you are told, or I will be taking a leaf out of General Bel Iblis's book. I hear you made a good gorg, Marek.

_All but the Kuns laugh._

_Exit all but Luke, Han, and Leia._

**Luke. **_[aside]_ Mothma, Shryne, and Chewie are not the ones overworking us. Master Baas has us writing weekly essays on the Muun Separatist Movement of the Stark Hyperspace War. Lord Vader forces us to research antidotes. This we take seriously, as he hinted he might poison one of us before Life Day to see if they work. And Governor Bibble asks us to read three extra books in preparation for our lesson on telekinesis.

_Luke, Han, and Leia enter the Main Entrance, where they find a notice._

**Han. **_[reading] _Galactic Games: The delegations from Carida and the Shadow Academy will be arriving at eighteen hundred hours on Benduday the thirtieth of October. Lessons will end half an hour early.

**Luke. **Brilliant! It's Potions last thing on Benduday. Vader won't have time to poison us.

**Han. **_[reading] _Students will return their bags and books to their dormitories and assemble in front of the Temple to greet our guests before the Festival of Glad Arrival.

_Enter Corran Horn._

**Corran. **Only a week away. I wonder if Biggs knows. I think I will go and tell him.

_Exit Corran._

**Han. **Biggs?

**Luke. **Darklighter. He must be entering the Games.

**Han. **That idiot, Jedi champion?

**Leia. **He's not an idiot. You just don't like him because he beat Revan at Smashball. I've heard he's a really good student. _And _he's a prefect.

**Han. **You only like him because he's _handsome_.

**Leia. **Excuse me. I don't like beings just because they're handsome.

**Han. **_[coughing] _Farfalla.

_Exit all._


	26. Carida and the Shadow Academy

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, among the other fourth years in Mon Mothma's classroom._

_Enter Mon Mothma._

**Mothma. **Antilles. Kindly do _not _reveal that you cannot perform a simple Alter Environment to anyone from the Shadow Academy.

_All enter the Great Hall, among every Jedi Master and student in the Temple._

_Banners hang around the Great Hall, representing Darth Revan, Bastila Shan, Meetra Surik, and Exar Kun, as well as fifth banner featuring the Jedi crest: a lightsaber with wings growing out of the hilt._

_Enter Jacen and Ben._

**Ben. **_[to Jacen] _It's a bummer, all right. But if he won't talk to us in person, we'll have to send him the hololetter, after all. Or we'll stuff it into his hand. He can't avoid us forever.

**Han. **Who's avoiding you?

**Jacen. **I wish you would.

**Han. **What's a bummer?

**Ben. **Having a nosy _di'kut _like you for a brother.

**Luke. **Do you two have any idea about the Galactic Games yet? Have you thought any more about trying to enter?

**Ben. **I asked Mothma how the champions are chosen, but she wasn't telling. She just told to shut up and get on with transforming my katarn.

**Han. **I wonder what the tasks are going to be. You know, I bet we could do them, Luke. We've done dangerous stuff before.

**Jacen. **Not in front of a panel of judges, you haven't. Mothma says the champions get awarded points according to how well they have done the tasks.

**Luke. **Who are the judges?

**Leia. **Well, the masters of the participating schools are always on the panel, because all three of them were injured during the Games of 1,792 BBY, when a tuk'ata the champions were supposed to be catching went on a rampage. It's all in _The Jedi Path: A Manual for Students of the Force_. Of course, that book is not _entirely _reliable. _The Jedi Path: A Dogmatic Narrow View of the Force._

**Han. **What's your beef?

**Leia. **_Gungans_! Not once in with eight different authors does _The Jedi Path _that we are colluding in the oppression of one hundred slaves.

**Ben. **Listen, have you ever been down in the kitchens, Leia?

**Leia. **No, of course not. I hardly think students are allowed . . .

**Ben. **Well, we have, loads of times to nick food. And we've met them, and they're _happy_. They think they have got the best job in the galaxy.

**Leia. **That's because they're uneducated and brainwashed.

_Enter R2-D2, with a message from Obi-Wan Kenobi._

_Enter Obi-Wan, a holographic image of the former Jedi._

**Obi-Wan. **Nice try, Luke. I'm back in the Core, and well hidden. I want you to keep me posted on everything that's happening on Tython. Don't use Artoo. Ever since the Galactic Cup, the Republic has been intercepting more and more droids, and he's too easily spotted. Don't worry about me. Just watch out for yourself. Don't forget what I said about your scar. Kenobi out.

_Exit Obi-Wan._

**Luke. **Thanks, Artoo.

_Exit Artoo._

_All head out of the Temple, the students led by their Heads of House._

**Mothma. **Solo, straighten your hat. Miss Retrac, take that ridiculous thing out of your hair.

_Winter scowls and removes a pin from her hair._

Follow me, please. First years in the front. No pushing.

**Han. **Nearly eighteen hundred. How do you reckon they're coming, the ship?

**Leia. **I doubt it.

**Luke. **How then, starfighters?

**Han. **A repulsorlift? Or they could Force Travel? Maybe you're allowed to do it under seventeen where they come from?

_Enter Yoda._

**Yoda. **O! Unless I am very much mistaken, the delegation from Carida approaches.

**All. **Where?

**Geith. **_There_!

**Oola. **It's a dragon.

**Cole. **Don't be stupid. It's a flying house.

_Enter Caridan carriage, pulled by several Kaminoan aiwhas, flying cetaceans with wing-fins._

_The aiwhas land._

_Enter Furgan, a stoic boy with white hair, who opens the door of the carriage._

_Enter Mallatobuck, a female Wookiee with brown fur._

**Nien. **Blaster Bolts! That's one big woman.

_Mallatobuck approaches Yoda._

**Yoda. **My dear Mistress Mallatobuck. Welcome to Tython.

**Mallatobuck.** _[accented Basic] _Yoda. I hope I find you well?

**Yoda. **In excellent form, I thank you.

**Mallatobuck. **My pupils.

_Enter all Caridans._

Has Brakiss arrived yet?

**Yoda. **He should be here any moment. Would you like to wait here and greet him or would you prefer to step inside a warm up a trifle?

**Mallatobuck. **Warm up, I think. But the aiwhas . . .

**Yoda. **Our Master of Animal Friendship will be delighted to take care of them.

**Mallatobuck. **My steeds provide, er, forceful handling. They are very strong. . . .

**Yoda. **I assure you that Chewbacca will be well up to the job.

**Mallatobuck. **Very well. Will you please inform Master Chewbacca that my aiwhas drink only Corellian whiskey.

**Yoda. **It will be attended to.

**Mallatobuck. **_[to the Caridans] _Come.

_Exit the Caridans, in the Jedi Temple._

**Han. **Can you hear something?

**Janson. **The ocean! Look at the ocean.

_Enter the Shadow Academy, a cloaked space station which rises from the depths of Mon Calamari._

**Luke. **It's a space station.

_Enter Brakiss, a red-robed Dark Jedi with blond hair and blue eyes, leading his Dark Jedi pupils, among them Isolder Chume'da._

_Brakiss approaches Yoda._

**Brakiss. **Yoda.

**Yoda. **Brakiss.

_Yoda and Brakiss embrace._

**Brakiss. **Dear old Tython. How good it is to be here, how good. _[to Isolder] _Isolder, come along into the warmth. You don't mind, Yoda? Isolder has a slight head cold.

_Brakiss and Isolder head for the Jedi Temple._

**Han. **Luke. It's _Isolder_.

_Exit all._


	27. The Caridans and the Dark Jedi

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter all Jedi, Caridans, and Dark Jedi, in the Great Hall._

**Han. **I don't believe it. Isolder, Luke. _Isolder Chume'da_!

**Leia. **For Edge's sake, Han, he's only a Smashball player.

**Han.** _Only a Smashball player_? Leia, he's one of the best seekers in the galaxy. I had no idea he was still at school.

_Janson jumps up and down to get a better look at Isolder._

_Enter Tyria Sarkin and Jesmin Ackbar._

**Jesmin. **Oh, I don't believe it. I haven't got a single pen on me.

**Tyria. **Do you think he would sign my hat in lipstick?

_Exit Jesmin and Tyria._

**Leia. **_Really_.

**Han. **I'm getting his autograph if I can. You haven't got a pen, have you, Luke?

**Luke. **No. They're upstairs in my bag.

_The Caridans sit with the Shans._

_The Caridans look around, shivering._

**Leia. **It's not _that _cold. Why didn't they bring cloaks?

_The Dark Jedi sit with the Kuns._

_Marek turns to speak with Isolder._

**Han. **Yeah, that's right. Kiss up to him, Marek. I bet Isolder can see right through him, though. I bet he gets beings fawning over him all the time. . . . Where do you reckon they're going to sleep? We could offer him a space in our dormitory, Luke. I wouldn't mind giving him my bed. I could kip on a camp bed.

_Leia snorts._

**Luke. **They look a lot happier than the Caridans.

_The Dark Jedi remove their vac-suits, revealing black robes, looking impressed._

_Jurokk adds four chairs to the staff table._

But there are only two extra beings. Why is Jurokk putting out four chairs? Who else is coming?

_All Masters, including Mallatobuck and Brakiss, sit._

**Yoda. **Jedi. Let us prepare to receive our visitors in the best way we can. All stand.

**Jedi. **_[singing] _Temple, Temple. Jedi, Jedi, Temple. Teach us something, please. Whether we be old and bald or young with scabby knees, our heads could do with filling with some interesting stuff, for now they're bare and full of air, dead flies, and bits of fluff. So teach us things worth knowing. Bring back what we forgot. You do your best. We'll do the rest, and learn before our brains all rot.

_The Jedi sit._

**Yoda. **Good evening, ladies and gentlebeings, ghosts and, most particularly, guests. I have great pleasure in welcoming you all to Tython. I hope and trust that your stay here will be both comfortable and enjoyable.

_Enter Jan Ors, a brown-haired girl with Zeltron blood._

**Jan. **_[laughs derisively]_

**Leia. **Well, no one is making you stay.

**Yoda. **The Games will be officially opened at the end of the feast. I now invite you all to eat, drink, and make yourselves at home.

_Yoda and Brakiss engage in a quiet conversation._

_Food, from all across the galaxy, appears on the table._

**Han. **_[indicates Gungan bouillabaisse] _What is that?

**Leia. **Bouillabaisse.

**Han. **Bless you.

**Leia. **It's _Gunganese_. I had it on holiday summer before last. It's very nice.

**Han. **I'll take your word for it.

_Enter Chewbacca, his hand bandaged._

Zillos doing all right?

**Chewbacca. **Thriving.

_Chewbacca sits at the staff table._

**Han. **Yeah. I'll bet they are. It looks like they have finally found a food they like, doesn't it? Chewie's fingers.

_Enter Jan Ors._

**Jan. **_[accented Basic] _Excuse me. Are you wanting the Gungan bouillabaisse?

_Han stares at Jan, speechless._

**Luke. **Yeah. Have it.

**Jan. **You have finished with it?

**Han. **Yeah. It was excellent.

_Exit Jan, with the Gungan bouillabaisse._

She's a _Zeltron_.

**Leia. **Of course she isn't. I don't see anyone else's gaping at her like an idiot.

_Many Jedi males turn, gaping at Jan._

**Han. **I'm telling you, that's not a normal girl. They don't make them like that at the Jedi Temple.

**Luke. **_[looking at Callista] _They make them okay at the Temple.

**Leia. **When you have both put your eyes back in, you'll be able to see who has just arrived.

_Enter Bog Divinian, who sits next to Brakiss, and Jorus C'Baoth, who sits near Mallatobuck._

**Luke. **What are _they _doing here?

**Leia. **They organized the Galactic Games, didn't they? I suppose they wanted to be here to see it start.

_Yoda stands._

**Yoda. **The moment has come. The Galactic Games are about to start. I would like to say a few words of explanation before we bring in the casket, just to clarify the procedure that we will be following this year. But first, let me introduce, for those who do not know them, Master Jorus C'Baoth, head of the InterGalactic Communications Center, and Senator Bog Divinian, head of the Galactic Games Council.

_Divinian smiles and waves; C'Baoth does not move._

Senator Divinian and Master C'Baoth have worked tirelessly over the last few months on the arrangements for the Galactic Games, and they will be joining myself, Master Brakiss, and Mistress Mallatobuck on the panel that will judge the champions' efforts. The casket, then, if you please, Master Jurokk.

_Jurokk brings in a casket, setting it on a podium._

The instructions for the tasks the champions will face this year have already been examined by Master C'Baoth and Senator Divinian, and they have made the necessary arrangements for each challenge. There will be three tasks, spaced throughout the school year, and they will test the champions in many different ways: their magical prowess, their daring, their powers of deduction, and, of course, their ability to cope with danger. As you know, three champions compete in the Games, one from each of the participating schools. They will be marked on how well they perform each of the tasks, and the champion with the highest total after task three will win the Galactic Cup. The champions will be chosen by an impartial selector: the Goblet of Fire.

_Yoda reveals a goblet, filled with blue-white flames._

Anybody wishing to submit themselves as champion must write their name and school clearly upon a slip of durasheet and drop it into the goblet. Aspiring champions have twenty-three hours in which to put their names forward. Tomorrow night, Halloween, the goblet will return the names of the three it has judged most worthy to represent their schools. The goblet will be placed in the Main Entrance tonight, where it will be freely accessible to all those wishing to compete. To ensure that no underage student yields to temptation, I will be drawing a protection bubble around the Goblet of Fire once it has been placed in the Man Entrance. Nobody under the age of seventeen will be able to cross this line. Finally, I wish to impress upon any of you wishing to compete that these Games are not to be entered into lightly. Once a champion has been selected by the Goblet of Fire, he or she is obliged to see the Games through to the end. The placing of your name in the goblet constitutes a binding, lawful contract. There can be no change of heart once you have become a champion. Please be very sure, therefore, that you are wholeheartedly prepared to play before you drop your name into the goblet. Now, I think it is time for bed. Good night to you all.

_Exit all but Luke, Han, Leia, Jacen, and Ben._

**Jacen. **A protection bubble? Well, that should be fooled by growth acceleration, shouldn't I? And once your name is in that goblet, you're laughing. It can't tell whether you're seventeen or not.

**Leia. **But I don't think anyone under seventeen would stand a chance. We just haven't learned enough . . .

**Ben. **Speak for yourself. You'll try and get in, won't you, Luke?

**Han. **Where is he? Yoda didn't say where the Dark Jedi are sleeping, did he?

_Enter Brakiss with his Dark Jedi._

**Brakiss. **Back to the station, then. Isolder, how are you feeling? Did you eat enough? Should I send for some gold wine from the kitchens?

_Enter Sirak, a horned Dark Jedi with yellow skin and orange eyes._

**Sirak. **Master. I would like some wine.

**Brakiss. **I wasn't offering it to _you_, Sirak. I notice you have dribbled food all down the front of your robes again, disgusting boy.

_As the Dark Jedi approach them, Luke steps aside and allows Brakiss to pass._

Thank you.

_Brakiss sees Luke and freezes._

_The Dark Jedi stare curiously at Luke._

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Garm Bel Iblis._

**Bel Iblis. **Yeah. That's Luke Skywalker.

_Brakiss turns to face C'Baoth and pales._

**Brakiss. **You!

**Bel Iblis. **Me. And unless you have anything to say to Skywalker, Brakiss, you might want to move. You're blocking the doorway.

_Exit all._


	28. The Goblet of Fire

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, among other Jedi, Caridans, and Dark Jedi in the Great Hall._

_Enter Octa Ramis, a dark-haired girl in Jedi robes._

**Han. **_[to Octa] _Anyone put their name in yet?

**Octa. **All of the Dark Jedi. But I haven't seen any Jedi yet.

**Luke. **I bet some of them put it in last night after we had all gone to bed. I would have if it had been me, wouldn't have wanted everyone's watching. What if the goblet just gobbed you right back out again?

_Enter Jacen, Ben, and Janson, a few months older._

**Jacen. **Well, lads, we've done it. Cooked it up this morning.

**Han. **What?

**Jacen. **The growth acceleration, _di'kut_.

**Ben. **One drop each. We only need to be a few months older.

**Janson. **We're going to split the thousand dataries between the three of us if one of us wins.

**Leia. **It's not going to work.

**Jacen. **Oh, yeah? And why is that, Organa?

**Leia. **I doubt a genius like Yoda would be fooled by something as pathetically dim-witted as growth acceleration.

**Ben. **But that's why it's so brilliant.

**Jacen. **Because it's so pathetically dim-witted.

**Janson. **Ready, Jacen? Ready, Ben?

**All. **Bottoms up.

_Janson and the twins drink the growth acceleration._

**Jacen. **I'll go first.

_Jacen takes out a piece of durasheet and writes "Jacen Solo, Jedi."_

_Jacen leaps across the protection bubble and enters his name; Ben follows him._

_The protection bubble shoots Jacen and Ben backward, each of them sporting silver beards._

_All laugh._

_Jacen and Ben wrestle._

**Ben. **You said . . .

**Jacen. **You said . . .

**Ben. **Oh, right. Do you want a piece of me?

**Jacen. **I'll tear your ears off.

**Ben. **Now you're making me laugh.

**Jacen. **Take this. Come on!

**All. **Fight! Fight! Fight!

_Jacen and Ben stop fighting._

_Enter Yoda._

**Yoda. **I did warn you. I suggest you both go up to Master Che. She is already tending to Cray Mingla of Shan and Nichos Marr of Surik, both of who decided to age themselves up a little, too. Though I must say, neither of their beards is anything like as fine as yours.

_Exit Jacen, Ben, and Janson, all laughing._

_Exit Yoda._

_Enter Lando and Nien._

**Lando. **There's a rumor that Bruck Chun got up early and put his name in.

**Luke. **_[shakes his head] _We can't have a Kun champion.

**Nien. **And all of the Suriks are talking about Darklighter. But I wouldn't have thought he would want to risk his good looks.

_Enter Tenel Ka Djo._

**Tenel Ka. **Well, I've done it. I've just put my name in.

**Han. **You're kidding.

**Luke. **Are you seventeen, then?

**Han. **Of course, she is. Can't see a beard, can you?

**Tenel Ka. **Fact. I had my naming day last week.

**Leia. **Well, I'm glad someone from Revan is entering. I really hope you get it, Tenel Ka.

**Tenel Ka. **Thanks, Leia.

**Nien. **Yeah. Better you than pretty boy Darklighter.

_Enter Corran, Iella, and Mirax Terrik, who all scowl at Nien._

**Han. **_[to Luke and Leia] _What are we going to do today, then?

**Luke. **We haven't been down to visit Chewie yet.

**Han. **Okay, just as long as he doesn't ask us to donate a few fingers to the Zillo Beasts.

**Leia. **I've just realized, I haven't asked Chewie to join A.F.P. yet.

_Exit Leia._

**Han. **What is it with her?

_Enter Mallatobuck with her Caridan students, among them Jan Ors._

**Luke. **Hey, Han. It's your friend.

_The Caridans each place their names in the Goblet of Fire._

**Han. **What do you reckon will happen to the ones who aren't chosen? Reckon they will return to Carida, or hang around to watch the Games?

**Luke. **I don't know. Hang around, I suppose. Mallatobuck is staying to judge, isn't she?

_Exit Mallatobuck and the Caridans._

**Han. **Where are _they _sleeping, then?

_Enter Leia, with her Alliance badges._

Oh, good. Hurry up.

_Luke, Han, and Leia approach Chewbacca's wroshyr treehouse._

_Enter Chewbacca, in a hairy brown suit._

**Chewbacca. **About time. I had thought you had forgotten where I live.

**Leia. **We've been really busy, Chew . . . _[sees suit] _Erm . . . where are the Zillos?

**Chewbacca. **Out by the pumpkin patch. They're getting massive. They must be nearly fifty feet long now. The only trouble is that they have started killing each other.

**Leia. **Oh, no. Really?

**Chewbacca. **Yeah. It's okay, though. I've got them in separate boxes now. We've still got about twenty.

**Han. **_[sarcastic] _Well, that's lucky.

**Chewbacca. **_[grins] _You wait. You just wait. You are going to see some stuff you've never seen before. First task . . . ah, but I'm not supposed to say.

**All. **Go on, Chewie.

**Chewbacca. **I don't want to spoil it for you. But it's going to be spectacular; I'll tell you that. The champions are going to have their work cut out for them. I never thought I'd live to see the Galactic Games played again.

_Leia shows Chewbacca her Alliance of Free Planets badges._

I would be doing them an unkindness, Leia. It's in their nature to look after other sentients. That's what they like, see. You would be making them unhappy to take them away from their work and insulting them if you tried to pay them.

**Leia. **But Luke set Jar Jar free, and he was over the moon about it. _And _we've heard he's asking for wages now.

**Chewbacca. **Yeah, well, you get weirdoes in every breed. I'm saying there's not the odd Gungan who will take freedom who would take freedom. But you'll never persuade most of them to do it. No. Nothing doing, Leia.

_The chronometer reads eighteen hundred hours._

I'll come with you.

_Chewbacca applies cologne. _

**Han. **_[coughing] _Chewie. What is that?

**Chewbacca. **Eh? Don't you like it?

**Leia. **Is that aftershave?

**Chewbacca. **Hapan cologne. Maybe it's a bit too much. I'll take it off. Hang on . . .

_Chewbacca splashes water in his face._

**Leia. **Hapan cologne? Chewie?

**Luke. **And what's with the coat and the suit?

**Han. **Look.

_Enter Mallatobuck and the Caridans._

_Chewbacca approaches Mallatobuck, and begins speaking romantically to her._

_The two Wookiees and the Caridans walk towards the Temple._

**Leia. **He's going up to the Temple with her? I thought he was waiting for us.

**Han. **He fancies her. Well, if they end up having children, they will set a galactic record. I bet any baby of theirs would weigh about a ton.

_Luke, Han, and Leia exit the treehouse._

_Enter Brakiss with his Dark Jedi, headed for the Temple._

**Leia. **It's them. Look.

_All enter the Great Hall._

_Enter Jacen and Ben, beardless._

**Jacen. **I hope it's Tenel Ka.

**Leia. **So do I. But we'll know soon enough.

_All eat._

_Enter Yoda, Mallatobuck, Brakiss, Bog Divinian, and Jorus C'Baoth._

**Yoda. **Now the moment you have all been waiting for: the champion selection. I estimate that the Goblet of Fire requires one more minute. Now, when the champions' are called, I would ask them please to come up to the top of the Hall, walk along the staff table, and go through into the next chamber, where they will be receiving their first instructions.

_Enter Janson._

**Janson. **Any second.

_The blue-white flames turn bright red and eject a piece of durasheet._

**Yoda. **_[reading] _The champion for the Shadow Academy will be Isolder Chume'da.

_All applaud, as Isolder stands._

**Han. **No surprises there.

**Brakiss. **Bravo, Isolder. I knew you had it in you.

_Exit Isolder._

_The blue-white flames turn bright red and eject a piece of durasheet._

**Yoda. **_[reading] _The champion for Carida will be Jan Ors.

_All applaud, as Jan rises._

**Luke. **It's her, Han.

_Many Caridans dissolve into tears._

**Leia.** Oh, look. They're disappointed.

_Exit Jan._

_The blue-white flames turn bright red and eject a piece of durasheet._

**Yoda. **_[reading] _The Jedi champion is Biggs Darklighter.

_All applaud, as Biggs stands._

**Han. **No!

_Exit Biggs._

**Yoda. **Excellent! We now have our three champions. But in the end, only one will go down in history. Only one will host this chalice of champions, this vessel of victory . . . the Galactic Cup.

_Yoda presents a glittering trophy._

_Enter Darth Vader, whose expression grows alert._

_Vader signals Yoda._

_The blue-white flames turn bright red and eject a fourth durasheet._

_[reading] _Luke Skywalker.

_Exit all._


	29. The Four Champions

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Han, and Leia, among other Jedi, Caridans, and Dark Jedi in the Great Hall._

_Many stand to look at Luke._

_Enter Mon Mothma, who turns to whisper urgently to Yoda._

**Luke. **_[to Han and Leia] _I didn't put my name in. You know I didn't.

**Yoda. **Luke Skywalker. Luke. Up here, if you please.

**Leia. **Go on.

_Luke rises, approaching the staff table._

**First Student. **He's a cheat.

**Second Student. **He's not even seventeen yet.

_Luke approaches Yoda._

**Yoda. **Well, through the front door, Luke.

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Garm Bel Iblis._

**Bel Iblis. **_[aside] _It is done, my Master. Luke Skywalker will be in your hands.

_Exit all but Luke._

_Enter Isolder, Jan, and Biggs._

**Jan. **What is it? Do they want us back in the Hall?

_Enter Bog Divinian._

**Divinian. **Extraordinary! Absolutely extraordinary! Gentlebeings, lady. May I introduce, incredible though it may seem, the _fourth _Galactic champion.

_Isolder straightens, observing Luke._

_Biggs looks from Luke to Divinian, looking bewildered._

**Jan. **_[smiles] _Oh, very funny joke, Senator Divinian.

**Divinian. **Joke? No, no, not at all. Luke's name just came out of the Goblet of Fire.

_Isolder's eyebrows constrict slightly._

_Biggs looks bewildered._

**Jan. **_[frowns] _There must be some mistake. He cannot compete. He is too young.

**Divinian. **Well, it is amazing. But as you know, the age restriction was only imposed this year as an extra safety measure. And as his name has come out of the Goblet . . . I mean, I don't think there can be any ducking out at this stage. It's down in the rules. You're obliged. Luke will just have to do the best he . . .

_Enter Yoda, Mallatobuck, Brakiss, Jorus C'Baoth, Darth Vader, and Mon Mothma._

**Mallatobuck. **It's wrong I tell you.

**Brakiss. **You Caridan tart.

**Mallatobuck. **Everything is a conspiracy theory to you.

**Yoda. **Quiet. I can't think.

**Mallatobuck. **I protest. I protest.

_Jan approaches Mallatobuck._

**Jan. **Mistress Mallatobuck. They are saying that this little boy is to compete, also.

**Mallatobuck. **_[to Yoda] _What is the meaning of this, Yoda?

**Brakiss. **I'd rather like to know myself, Yoda. _Two _Jedi champions? I don't remember anyone's telling me the host school is allowed two champions, or have I not read the rules carefully enough?

**Mallatobuck. **_[in Shyriwook] _It is impossible. _[in Basic] _The Jedi cannot have two champions. It is most injust.

**Brakiss. **We were under the impression that your protection bubble would keep out younger contestants, Yoda. Otherwise, we would, of course, have brought along a wider selection of candidates from our own schools.

**Vader. **It's no one's fault but Skywalker's, Brakiss. Don't go blaming Yoda for Skywalker's determination to break rules. He has been crossing lines ever since he arrived here . . .

**Yoda. **Thank you, Darth. _[to Luke] _Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire, Luke?

**Luke. **No.

**Yoda. **Did you ask an older student to do it for you?

**Luke. **No.

**Mallatobuck. **Ah, but of course he is lying.

**Mothma. **The hell he is. He could not have crossed the protection bubble. I think we are all agreed on that . . .

**Mallatobuck. **Yoda must have made a mistake with the bubble.

**Yoda. **It is possible, of course.

**Mothma. **Yoda. You know perfectly well you did not make a mistake. Really, what nonsense! Luke could not have crossed the line himself, and as Master Yoda believes he did not persuade an older student to do it for him, I'm sure that should be good enough for everybody else.

_Mothma glares at Vader._

**Brakiss. **Master C'Baoth, Senator Divinian. You are our . . . er . . . objective judges. Surely you will agree that this is most irregular?

**C'Baoth. **The rules are absolute. The Goblet of Fire constitutes a binding, Forceful contract. Master Skywalker has no choice. He is, as of tonight, a Galactic champion.

**Divinian. **Well, Jorus knows the rule book back to front.

**Brakiss.** _[cold] _I insist upon resubmitting the names of the rest of my champions. You will set up the Goblet of Fire once more, and we will continue adding names until each school has two champions. It is only fair, Yoda.

**Divinian. **But Brakiss, it doesn't work like that. The Goblet of Fire has just gone out. It won't reignite until the start of the next Games . . .

**Brakiss. **. . . in which the Shadow Academy will most certainly not be competing. After all our meetings and negotiations and compromises, I little expected something of this nature to occur. I have half a mind to leave now.

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, disguised as Garm Bel Iblis._

**Bel Iblis. **Empty threat, Brakiss. You can't leave your champion now. He's got to compete. They have all got to compete. Binding lawful contract, like Yoda said. Convenient, eh?

**Brakiss. **Convenient? I'm afraid I don't understand you, Bel Iblis.

**Bel Iblis. **Don't you? It's very simple, Brakiss. Someone put Skywalker's name in that goblet, knowing he would have to compete if it came out.

**Mallatobuck. **Evidently, someone who wanted to give the Jedi two bites of the shuura.

**Brakiss. **I quite agree, Mallatobuck. I shall be lodging complaints with the Galactic Republic _and _the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances.

**Bel Iblis. **If anyone has got reason to complain, it's Skywalker. But funny thing . . . I don't hear _his _uttering a word.

**Jan. **Why should he complain? He has the chance to compete, hasn't he? We have all been hoping to be chosen for weeks and weeks, the honor of our schools. A thousand dataries in prize credits . . . this a chance many would die for.

**Bel Iblis. **Maybe someone is hoping Skywalker _is _going to die for it.

**Divinian. **Bel Iblis, old man. What a thing to say!

**Brakiss. **We all know General Bel Iblis considers the morning wasted if he hasn't discovered six plots of murder before lunchtime. Apparently, he is now teaching his students to fear assassination, too. An odd quality in a Defense Against the Dark Side instructor, Yoda, but no doubt you had your reasons.

**Bel Iblis. **Imagining things, am I? Seeing things, eh? It was a skilled Force user who put that boy's name in the Goblet.

**Mallatobuck. **What evidence is there of that?

**Bel Iblis. **The Goblet of Fire is an exceptionally powerful Force-sensitive artifact. Only exceptionally powerful Force Confusion could have hoodwinked it, a Force power way beyond the talents of a fourth year.

**Brakiss. **You seem to have given this a fair bit of thought, Bel Iblis.

**Bel Iblis. **There are those who will turn innocent occasions to their advantage. It was once my job to think like dark-siders do, Brakiss. Perhaps you remember. . . .

**Yoda. **That doesn't help, Garm. How this situation arose we do not know. It seems to me, however, that we have no choice but to accept it. Both Biggs and Luke have been chosen to compete in the Games. This, therefore, they will do.

**Mallatobuck. **But Yoda . . .

**Yoda. **My dear Mallatobuck. If you have an alternative, I will be delighted to hear it.

**Divinian. **Well, shall we crack on, then? Got to give our champions their instructions, haven't we? Jorus, I'll leave this to you.

**C'Baoth. **Yes. Instructions. Yes . . . the first task . . . The first task is designed to test your daring, so we are not going to be telling you what it is. Courage in the face of the unknown is an important quality in a Force user. Very important. The first task will take place on the twenty-fourth of November, in front of the other students and the panel of judges. The judges are not permitted to ask for or accept help of any kind from their Masters to complete the tasks of the Games. The champions will face the first task armed only with their lightsabers. They will receive information about the second task, when the first is over. Owing to the demanding and time-consuming nature of the Games, the champions are exempted from end-of-year tests. _[to Yoda] _I think that's all, is it, Yoda?

**Yoda. **I think so. Are you sure you don't want to stay on Tython, Jorus?

**C'Baoth. **No, Yoda. I must get back to the Republic. It is a very busy, very difficult time at the moment. I've left young Sulon in charge. Very enthusiastic . . . a little overenthusiastic, if truth be told . . .

**Yoda. **You'll come and have a drink before you go, at least?

**Divinian. **Come on, Jorus. I'm staying. It's all happening on Tython now, you know, much more exciting here than on Coruscant.

**C'Baoth. **I think not, Bog.

_Exit Mallatobuck and Jan, speaking animatedly in Shyriwook._

_Exit Brakiss and Isolder, in silence._

**Yoda. **Luke, Biggs. I suggest you go up to bed. I am sure Revan and Surik are waiting to celebrate with you, and it would be a shame to deprive them of this excellent excuse to make a great deal of mess and noise.

_Exit all but Luke and Biggs._

**Biggs. **So. We're playing against each other again.

**Luke. **I suppose.

**Biggs. **So, tell me . . . How _did _you get your name in?

**Luke. **I didn't. I didn't put it in. I was telling the truth.

**Biggs. **Ah, okay. Well, see you, then.

_Exit all._


	30. Mon Mothma's Concerns

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Yoda in his quarters, examining a basin of flow-walking._

_Enter Mon Mothma, Darth Vader, and Joruus C'Baoth._

**Mothma. **This can't go on, Yoda. First the _Sith'ari_, now this?

**Yoda. **What do you suggest, Mon?

**Mothma. **Put an end to it. Don't let Skywalker compete.

**Yoda. **You heard Jorus. The rules are clear.

**Mothma. **Well, the Sith with Jorus and his rules. And since when did you accommodate the Republic?

**Vader. **Master. I, too, find it difficult to believe this mere coincidence. However, if we are to truly discover the meaning of these events, perhaps we should, for the time being, let them unfold.

**Mothma. **What? Do nothing? Offer him up as bait? Skywalker is a boy, not a piece of meat.

**Yoda. **I agree with Darth. _[to C'Baoth] _Garm, keep an eye on Luke, will you?

**Bel Iblis. **I can do that.

**Yoda. **Don't let him know, though. He must be anxious enough as it is, knowing what lies ahead. Then again, we all are.

_Exit all._


	31. Han's Jealousy

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, approaching Revan Tower._

_Enter Kara and Darra Thel-Tanis, portraits of an obese woman and a ginger-haired girl respectively._

**Kara. **Well, well, well. Darra has just told me everything. Who has just been chosen as Jedi champion, then?

**Luke. **Bumblefluff.

**Darra. **_[indignant] _It most certainly isn't.

**Kara. **No, no, Darra. It's the password.

_Exit Kara and Darra._

_Luke enters Revan Tower._

_Enter Revans, celebrating._

**Jacen. **You should have told us you had entered.

**Ben. **How did you do it without getting a beard? Brilliant!

**Luke. **I didn't. I don't know how . . .

**Tenel Ka. **Well, if couldn't be me, at least it's a Revan . . .

**Lowbacca. **You'll be able to pay Darklighter back for that last Smashball match, Luke.

**Janson. **We've got food, Luke. Come and have some.

**Luke. **I'm not hungry. I've had enough at the feast. _[aside] _But nobody wants to hear that I'm not hungry; nobody wants to hear that I didn't put my name in the Goblet; not one single person seems notice that I'm not at all in the mood to celebrate. . . .

_Janson drapes Luke in a Revan banner._

**Janson. **How did you get across the protection bubble, Luke?

**Luke. **I didn't. I don't know how it happened. I'm tired. I want to go to bed.

_Exit all but Luke, who returns to his dormitory._

_Enter Han._

Where have you been?

**Han.** _[with a strained grin] _Oh, hello.

_Luke removes Janson's banner._

How did you do it? What did you use, the cloaking device?

**Luke. **The cloaking device wouldn't have gotten me across the bubble.

**Han. **Oh, right. Never mind. It doesn't matter. I just thought you might have let your best friend know, though.

**Luke. **Let you know what?

**Han. **You know vaping well what.

**Luke. **I didn't ask for this to happen, Han. Okay? You're being stupid.

**Han. **Yeah. That's me. Han Solo, Luke Skywalker's stupid friend.

**Luke. **I didn't put my name in that cup. I don't want eternal glory. I just want to be . . . Look. I don't know what happened tonight. And I don't know why. It just did. Okay?

**Han. **_[skeptical] _Okay. Only you said this morning, you would have done it last night, and no one would have seen you. I'm not stupid, you know.

**Luke. **_[angry] _You're doing a really good impression of it.

**Han. **_[fed up] _Yeah? You want to get to bed, Luke. I expect you will need to be up early tomorrow for an interview or something.

_Luke and Han storm off, to their respective beds._

Slimesucker.

_Exit all._


	32. Leia's Solution

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke and Leia, outside, feeding the colo claw fish._

**Leia. **Well, of course I knew you hadn't entered yourself. The look on your face when Yoda said your name! But the question is, who _did _put it in? Because Bel Iblis is right, Luke. I don't think any student could have done it. They would never be able to fool the Goblet, or get over Yoda's . . .

**Luke. **Have you seen Han?

**Leia. **Erm . . . yes . . . he was at breakfast.

**Luke. **Does he still think I entered myself?

**Leia. **Well . . . no, I don't think so . . . not really.

**Luke. **What's that supposed to mean, "not really?"

**Leia. **Oh, Luke. Isn't it obvious? He's jealous.

**Luke. **_Jealous_? Jealous of what? He wants to make a barve of himself in front of the entire Temple?

**Leia. **Look. It's always you who gets all of the attention. You know it is. I know it's not your fault. I know you don't ask for it. But, well, you know, Han has got all of those brothers to compete with at home, and you're his best friend, and you're really famous. He's always shunted to one side whenever beings see you, and he puts up with it, and he never mentions it, but I suppose this is just one time too many.

**Luke. **Great. Kriffing great. Tell him from me I'll swap anytime he wants. Tell him from me he's welcome to it, beings' gawping at my forehead everywhere I go. . . .

**Leia. **I'm not telling him anything. Tell him yourself. It's the only way you'll sort this out.

**Luke. **I'm not running around after him, trying to make him grow up. Maybe he'll believe I'm not enjoying myself, when I have had my neck broken or . . .

**Leia. **That's not funny. That's not funny at all. Luke, I've been thinking . . . you know what we've got to do, don't you? Straight away, the moment we get to the Temple?

**Luke. **Yeah. Give Han a nice boot up his . . .

**Leia. **_Write to Obi-Wan_. You have got to tell him what's happened. He asked you to keep him posted on everything that is happening on Tython. It's almost like he expected something like this to happen. I brought some durasheet and a pen out with me.

**Luke. **You're thermal. He returned to the Core just because my scar twinged. He'll probably come bursting right into the Temple, if I tell him someone has entered me in the Galactic Games.

**Leia. **He would want you to tell him. He's going to find out, anyway.

**Luke. **How?

**Leia. **Luke. This isn't going to be kept quiet. The Games are famous; you're famous. I'll be really surprised if there isn't anything on the HoloNet about your competing. You're already in half the books about You-Know-Who, you know. And Obi-Wan would rather hear it from you. I know he would.

**Luke. **Okay, okay. I'll write to him.

_Luke and Leia return to the Jedi Temple._

Whose droid am I going to use? He told me not to use Artoo again.

**Leia. **Ask Han if you can borrow . . .

**Luke. **I'm not asking Han for anything.

**Leia. **Well, borrow one of the Temple droids, then. Anyone can use them.

_Luke and Leia enter the Jedi Temple Communications Center._

**Luke. **_[writing] _Obi-Wan. You told me to keep you posted on what's happening on Tython, so here goes: I don't know if you have heard, but the Galactic Games are happening this year, and on Benduday night, I got picked as a fourth champion. I don't know who put my name in the Goblet of Fire, because I didn't. The other Jedi champion is Biggs Darklighter from Surik. I hope you're okay, and Boga. Skywalker out. _[to Leia] _Finished.

_Enter R2-D2 and R4-P17._

_[to Artoo] _I can't use you. I've got to use one of these. . . .

_Offended, Artoo zooms away._

_Luke sends his hololetter with Arfour._

_Luke strokes Artoo, who shocks him._

First Han, then you. _This isn't my fault_.

_Exit all._


	33. Chewbacca's Faith

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke._

**Luke. **_[aside] _If I thought that matters would improve once everyone got used to the idea of my being champion, I have now seen how mistaken he was. I can no longer avoid the rest of the school now that I'm back at lessons, and it is clear that the rest of the Temple, just like the Revans, think I entered myself for the Games. Unlike the Revans, however, they don't seem impressed.

_Enter Corran Horn and Ooryl Qrygg, in the greenhouses._

The Suriks, who are usually on excellent terms with us, have turned remarkably cold toward all of us. It is plain that the Suriks feel that I've stolen their s glory; a feeling exacerbated, perhaps, by the fact that Surik House very rarely gets any glory, and that Biggs is one of the few who ever gives them any, having beaten Revan once at Smashball. Corran and Ooryl, with whom I normally get on very well, ignore us, even though we're repotting lambent crystals at the same tray.

_Luke's lambent wriggles free and smacks Luke in the face._

_Corran and Ooryl laughs._

_Enter Yaddle._

I think even Master Yaddle seems distant with me. But then, she's Head of Surik House. _[sighs] _And don't even get me started on Marek's reaction. . . .

_Exit Corran, Ooryl, and Yaddle._

_Luke arrives near Chewbacca's wroshyr treehouse._

_Enter Revan and Kun fourth years._

**Marek. **Why so tense, Skywalker? My father and I have a bet, you see. I reckon you won't last ten minutes in these Games. He disagrees. He says you won't last five.

**Luke. **I don't give a damn what your father thinks, Marek. He's vile and cruel. And you're just pathetic.

_Enter Chewbacca._

**Chewbacca. **I thought for today's lesson we would take the Zillo Beasts for a walk.

**Marek. **Take this thing for a walk? And where exactly are we supposed to fix the leash? Around the sting, the blasting end, or the sucker?

**Chewbacca. **Around the middle. Er . . . you might want to put on your rancor-hide gloves, just as an extra precaution. Luke. Come and help me with this big one.

_Exit all but Luke and Chewbacca._

So, you're competing, Luke, in the Games. Jedi champion.

**Luke. **One of the Jedi champions.

**Chewbacca. **No idea who put you in for it, Luke?

**Luke. **You believe I didn't do it, then?

**Chewbacca. **Of course I do. You say it wasn't you, and I believe you. And Yoda believes you and all.

**Luke. **I wish I knew who _did _do it.

**Chewbacca. **Ah, I don't know, Luke. Jedi champion . . . everything seems to happen to you, doesn't it?

**Luke. **_[aside]_ Yes. Everything _does _happen to me. That's more or less what Leia was trying to tell me. And that's the reason, according to her, why Han is no longer talking to me.

_Exit all._


	34. Hallis Saper

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter all Revan and Kun fourth years._

_Each Kun wears a badge, which reads: "Support Biggs Darklighter: The Real Jedi Champion."_

**Marek. **Like the badges, Skywalker? And this isn't all they do. Look.

_The badges change to read: "Skywalker Sucks Void."_

_All Kuns, especially Asajj Ventress, laugh._

**Leia. **Oh, very funny. Really witty.

_Han stands by Lando and Nien, neither laughing nor coming to Luke's defense._

**Marek. **Want one, Organa? I've got loads. But don't touch my hand now. I've just washed it, you see. I don't want an infidel's sliming it up.

_Luke removes his lightsaber._

**Leia. **Luke.

**Marek. **_[draws his lightsaber] _Go on, then, Skywalker. Bel Iblis isn't here to look after you now. Do it, if you've got the guts.

_Reaching into the Force, Luke and Marek strike at each other simultaneously._

_The blasts from the Force ricochet, hitting both Ponda Baba and Leia Organa._

**Han. **Leia.

_Han runs forward._

_As Luke's power mutilates Baba's face, Leia's teeth grow at an alarming rate._

_Enter Darth Vader._

**Vader. **And what is all of this noise about?

_Vader points a gloved finger at Marek._

Explain.

**Marek. **Skywalker attacked me, sir.

**Luke. **We attacked each other at the same time.

**Marek. **And he hit Baba. Look.

**Vader. **_[examines Baba] _Medcenter, Baba.

_Exit Baba._

**Han. **Marek got Leia. Look!

**Vader. **_[examines Leia] _I see no difference.

_Exit Leia, in tears._

_Luke and Han shout at Vader._

Let's see. Fifty points from Revan and a detention each for Skywalker and Solo. Now get inside, or it will be a week's worth of detentions.

_Han sits by Lando and Nien, leaving Luke alone._

**Luke. **_[aside, looking at Vader] _If only I could conjure Sith lightning . . .

**Vader. **Antidotes! You should all have prepared your recipes by now. I want you to brew them carefully and then we will be selecting someone on whom to test one of them.

_Enter Dak Ralter._

Yes?

**Dak. **Please, sir. I'm supposed to take Luke Skywalker upstairs.

**Vader. **Skywalker has another hour of Potions to complete. He will come upstairs when this class is finished.

**Dak. **Sir. Senator Divinian wants him. All of the champions have got to go. I think they want to take holographs.

**Vader. **Very well, very well. Skywalker, leave your things here. I want you back down here later to test your antidote.

**Dak. **Please, sir. He has got to take his things with him. All of the champions . . .

**Vader. **Very _well_. Skywalker, take your bag and get out of my sight.

_Exit all but Luke and Dak._

**Dak. **It's amazing, isn't it, Luke? Your being champion?

**Luke. **Yeah. Really amazing. What are the holos for, Dak?

**Dak. **The HoloNet, I think.

**Luke. **Great. Exactly what I need. More publicity.

_Luke and Dak reach the correct room._

**Dak. **Good luck.

_Exit Dak._

_Enter Bog Divinian, Hallis Saper, Isolder, Biggs Darklighter, Jan Ors, and Keets Freely, a gaunt man in brown robes._

**Divinian. **Ah, here he is. Champion number four. In you come, Luke, in you come. Nothing to worry about. It's just the lightsaber weighing ceremony. The rest of the judges will be here in a moment.

**Luke. **Lightsaber weighing?

**Divinian. **We have to check that your lightsabers are fully functional. No problems, you know, as they're your most important tools in the tasks to come. The expert is upstairs with Yoda.

_Hallis steps forward._

**Hallis. **What a charismatic quartet. Hello. I am Hallis Saper. I write for the HoloNet. But of course you know that, don't you? It's _you _we don't know. _[to Jan] _What quirks lurk beneath those rosy cheeks? _[to Isolder] _What mysteries do the muscles mask? _[to Biggs] _Does courage lie beneath those curls? _[to all] _In short, what makes a champion tick? Me, myself, and I want to know, not to mention my rabid readers. So who's feeling up to sharing? _[to Luke] _We'll start with the youngest first?

**Divinian. **Certainly. That is if look has no objection?

**Luke. **Er . . .

**Hallis. **Lovely.

_Exit all but Luke and Hallis, who enter a ship hangar._

This is cozy.

**Luke. **It's a ship hangar.

**Hallis. **You should feel right at home, then.

_Luke and Hallis sit._

Don't mind if I use a data crystal, do you, Luke?

**Luke. **No.

_Hallis removes a data crystal._

**Hallis. **Testing . . . my name is Hallis Saper, HoloNet reporter.

**Data Crystal. **Attractive human Hallis Saper, forty-three, whose savage crystal has punctured many inflated reputations . . .

**Hallis. **Lovely. So, Luke, what made you decide to enter the Games?

**Luke. **Er . . .

**Data Crystal. **An ugly scar, souvenir of a tragic past, disfigures the otherwise charming face of Luke Skywalker, whose eyes . . .

**Hallis. **Ignore the crystal, Luke. Now, why did you decide to enter the Games, Luke?

**Luke. **I didn't. I don't know how my name got into the Goblet of Fire. I didn't put it in there.

**Hallis. **Everybody loves a rebel, Luke.

**Luke. **But I didn't enter. I don't know who . . .

**Hallis. **How do you feel about the tasks ahead? Excited? Nervous?

**Luke. **I haven't really thought about it. Yeah, nervous, I suppose.

**Hallis. **Champions have died in the past, haven't they? Have you thought about that at all?

**Luke. **Well, they say it's going to be a lot safer this season.

**Hallis. **Of course, you've looked death in the face before, haven't you? How would you say that has affected you?

**Luke. **Er . . .

**Hallis. **Do you think it was the trauma of your past that made you so keen to enter such a dangerous tournament?

**Luke. **_I didn't enter_.

**Hallis. **Do you remember your parents at all?

**Luke. **No.

**Hallis. **Speaking of your parents, were they alive, how do you think they would feel? Proud? Or concerned that your attitude shows, at best, a pathological need for attention . . . at worse, a psychotic death wish?

**Data Crystal. **Tears fill those startling blue eyes, glistening with the ghosts of his past.

**Luke. **Hey, my eyes aren't "glistening with the ghosts of my past."

_Enter Yoda._

**Hallis. **Yoda! How are you? I hope you saw my piece over the summer about the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances' session of Congress.

**Yoda. **Enchantingly nasty. I particularly enjoyed your description of me as an obsolete dwarfnut.

**Hallis. **I was just making the point that some of your ideas are a little old-fashioned, Yoda, and that many beings in the hyperlanes . . .

**Yoda. **I will be delighted to hear the reasoning behind your rudeness, Hallis, but I am afraid we will have to discuss this matter later. The Weighing of the Lightsabers is about to start, and it cannot take place if one of our champions is hidden in a ship hangar.

_Exit all._


	35. The Weighing of the Lightsabers

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, Biggs, Jan, Isolder, Yoda, Mallatobuck, Brakiss, Bog Divinian, Jorus C'Baoth, Hallis Saper, and Keets Freely._

**Yoda. **May I introduce Ko Sai? She will be checking your lightsabers to ensure that they are in good condition before the Games.

_Enter Ko Sai._

**Ko Sai. **Mistress Ors. Could we have you first?

_Jan approaches Ko Sai._

_Ko Sai takes Jan's lightsaber._

Hmm. Nine and a half inches. Inflexible. Green and containing . . . my stars . . .

**Jan. **A crystal from the rivers of Zeltros, the homeworld of my grandmother.

**Luke. **_[aside] _So Jan _is _part Zeltron. I should tell Han. Oh, wait . . . I'm no longer speaking to him.

**Ko Sai. **Yes, yes. I've never used Zeltron crystals myself, of course. I find it makes for rather temperamental lightsabers. However, to each his own, and if this suits you . . .

_Reaching into the Force, Ko Sai conjures several flowers, using Jan's lightsaber._

Very well, very well. It's in fine working order.

_Jan returns to the crowd._

Master Darklighter. You next.

_Biggs steps forward._

_Ko Sai takes Biggs's lightsaber._

Ah, now, this is one of mine, isn't it? Yes. I remember it well. Containing a single crystal from a particularly fine lambent plant. Twelve and a quarter inches. Green. Pleasantly springy. It's in fine condition. You treat it regularly?

**Biggs. **Polished it last night.

_Luke tries to polish his lightsaber._

_Sparks fly from Luke's lightsaber._

_Jan stares at Luke patronizingly._

_Using the Force, Ko Sai generates silver smoke rings, using Biggs's lightsaber._

**Ko Sai. **It is satisfactory.

_Biggs returns to his area._

Prince Isolder, if you please.

_Isolder steps over to Ko Sai._

_Ko Sai takes Isolder's lightsaber._

Hmm. This is a Kas'im creation, unless I'm much mistaken? A fine wandmaker, though the styling is never quite what I . . . however . . . Yes. Green and Adegan crystal. Rather thicker than one normally sees. Quite rigid. Ten and a quarter inches.

_Using the Animal Friendship, Ko Sai summons a flock of avians, using Isolder's lightsaber._

Good.

_Isolder returns to the crowd._

Which leaves . . . Master Skywalker.

_Luke steps forward._

_Ko Sai takes Luke's lightsaber._

Ah, yes. How well I remember.

_Using Luke's lightsaber, Ko Sai creates a fountain of pallie wine with the Force._

**Yoda. **Thank you all. You may go back to your lessons now, or perhaps it would be quicker to just go down to dinner, as they are about to end . . .

_Keets steps forward and clears his throat._

**Divinian. **Holos, Yoda, holos. All of the judges and champions. What do you think, Hallis?

**Hallis. **Yes. Let us do those first. And then perhaps some individual shots.

_Mallatobuck sits, as everyone else stands around her._

_Keets snaps shots._

_Luke and Isolder try to stay in the background._

_Keets focuses on Jan, but Hallis pulls Luke to prominence._

_Exit all but Luke._

_Luke returns to Revan Tower._

_Enter Han._

**Han. **You've had a droid.

**Luke. **Oh, right.

**Han. **And we have got to do our detentions tomorrow night, Vader's dungeon.

_Exit Han._

_Luke opens Obi-Wan's hololetter._

_Enter Obi-Wan, a holographic image of the former Jedi._

**Obi-Wan. **Luke. I can't say everything I would like to in a hololetter. It's too risky, in case this droid is intercepted. We need to talk face-to-face. Can you ensure that you are alone by the Hypercom in Revan Tower at 0100 hours on the twenty-second of November? I know better than anyone you can look after yourself. And while you're around Yoda and Bel Iblis, I don't think anyone will be able to hurt you. However, someone appears to be having a good try. Entering you in those Games would have been very risky, especially right under Yoda's nose. Be on the watch, Luke. I still want to hear about anything unusual. Let me know about the twenty-second of November as quickly as you can. Kenobi out.

_Exit Obi-Wan._

_Exit Luke._


	36. Hallis's Article

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke, walking through the Jedi halls, with beings' shouting sneers after him._

**Hallis. **_[off stage] _"I suppose I get my strength from my parents. I know they'd be very proud of me if they could see me now. . . . Yes, sometimes at night I still cry

about them, I'm not ashamed to admit it. . . . I know nothing will hurt me during the Games, because they're watching over me. . . .

**Luke. **_[aside] _Snogwash. I have no recollection of having said any such thing in my life, let alone in that ship hangar. And if this isn't bad enough, she had to go and interview _other beings _about me. Honestly, the nerve of this woman. . . .

**Hallis. **_[off stage] _Luke has at last found love at the Jedi Temple. His close friend Dak Ralter says that Luke is rarely seen out of the company of one Leia Organa, a stunningly pretty mundane-born girl who, like Luke, is one of the top students in the Temple.

**Tyris. **Want a hanky, Skywalker, in case you start crying in Jedi Sorcery?

**Gethzerion. **Since when have you been one of the top students in the Temple, Skywalker? Or is this a school you and Antilles have set up together?

**Callista. **Hey, Luke.

**Luke. **_[fed up] _Yeah. That's right. I've just been crying my eyes out over my dead mother, and I'm just off to do a bit more. . . .

**Callista. **No. It was just . . . you dropped your stylus.

**Luke. **_[blushing] _Oh, right. Sorry.

**Callista. **Er . . . may the Force be with you on Centaxday. I really hope you do well.

_Exit Callista._

_Enter Leia._

**Ventress. **_Stunningly pretty_? _Her_? What was she judging against, a whuffa worm?

**Leia. **_[to Luke] _Ignore it. Just ignore it, Luke.

_Exit all but Luke and Leia, who enter the Jedi Archives._

_Leia tries to get Luke to talk to Han._

**Luke. **I will talk to Han when he admits I didn't put my name in the Goblet of Fire and apologizes for calling me a liar. I didn't start this. It's his problem.

**Leia. **You miss him. And I _know _he misses you, too.

**Luke. **_Miss him_? I don't _miss him_.

_Enter Isolder, who is followed by Jesmin Ackbar, Tyria Sarkin, and several other female Jedi._

**Leia. **He's not even good-looking. They only like him because he's famous. They wouldn't look twice at him if he hadn't done that Thrown Pouncer thing . . .

**Luke. **_[annoyed] _Thrawn Pincer.

_Exit all._


	37. C'Baoth's Deception

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling or George Lucas.**

_Enter Luke and Leia._

**Leia. **Why don't you and I head for CoCo Town? You could use a break from the Temple.

**Luke. **What about Han? Don't you want to go with him?

**Leia. **Oh, well, I thought we might meet up with him in Dex's Diner . . .

**Luke.** No.

**Leia. **Oh, Luke. This is so stupid.

**Luke. **I'll come. But I'm not meeting Han. I'm wearing the cloaking device.

**Leia. **Oh, all right, then. But I hate talking to you in that cloak. I never know if I'm looking at you or not.

_Exit Luke and Leia._

_Enter Joruus C'Baoth, having overheard their conversation._

_Enter Chewbacca._

**Bel Iblis. **Chewbacca, lad.

**Chewbacca. **General Bel Iblis, sir.

**Bel Iblis. **I thought I'd go down to Dex's Diner. Just to spend some time away from the Temple. Care to join?

**Chewbacca. **All right, then.

_C'Baoth and Chewbacca enter Dex's Diner, passing a departing Hallis Saper along the way._

**Bel Iblis.** You know, Chewbacca, it does seem like young Skywalker was just thrown into this whole thing. It wouldn't be entirely wrong to give him a bit of a helping hand, just to make things even. . . .

**Chewbacca. **I suppose you might be right.

_Enter Leia and an invisible Luke, sitting at a table._

_Enter Ackmena, looking offended by C'Baoth's drinking from Bel Iblis's flask._

**Bel Iblis. **Speak of the Sith. Skywalker's there, sitting with Miss Organa.

_C'Baoth and Chewbacca approach Luke and Leia._

**Chewbacca. **All right, Leia?

**Leia. **Hello.

_C'Baoth zeroes in on Luke._

**Bel Iblis. **Nice cloak, Skywalker.

_Luke looks up in astonishment._

_C'Baoth grins._

**Luke. **Can your prosthetic eye . . . ? I mean, can you . . .?

**Bel Iblis. **Yeah. It can see through cloaking devices. And it has come in useful at times, I can tell you.

_Chewbacca zeroes in on Luke._

**Chewbacca. **Luke. Meet me tonight at midnight at my cabin. Wear the cloak. _[to Leia] _Nice to see you, Leia.

_Exit C'Baoth and Chewbacca._

**Luke. **Why does Chewie want me to meet me at midnight?

**Leia. **Does he? I wonder what he's up to? I don't know whether you should go, Luke. It might you late for Obi-Wan.

_Exit all._


	38. The Dathomiri Rancor

**Disclaimer: I am not George Lucas or J.K. Rowling.**

_Enter Luke, under the cloaking device._

_Enter Chewbacca._

**Chewbacca. **You there, Luke?

**Luke. **Yeah. What's up?

**Chewbacca. **You'll see soon enough.

**Luke.** _[stares at Chewbacca] _What's with the flower? Chewie, have you combed your fur?

**Chewbacca. **As a matter of fact, I have. You might want to try the same thing now and again. Come with me. Keep quiet. Keep yourself covered under that cloak. We won't take Drang. He won't like it.

_Chewbacca approaches the Caridan carriage._

_Enter Mallatobuck._

**Mallatobuck. **Oh, Chewbacca. I thought perhaps you weren't coming. I thought you had forgotten me.

**Chewbacca. **I couldn't forget you, Malla.

**Mallatobuck. **What is it you wanted to show me? When we spoke earlier, you sounded so exhilarated.

**Chewbacca. **You'll be glad you came. Trust me.

_Chewbacca takes Mallatobuck's hand, helping her down the steps._

_Luke, Chewbacca, and Mallatobuck enter the forest moon of Endor._

_Enter Malakili; Mammon Hoole, a gray-skinned sentientologist with dark eyes; Obo Rin, a sentientologist; Ditwar Logas, a sentientologist; Tem Eliss, a bald multi-eyed sentientologist; Zak Arranda, a dark-haired sentientologist in white robes; Tash Arranda, a blond-haired sentientologist with blue eyes and braided hair; Arner Figgis, a noseless sentientologist with leathery skin; Karke, a sentientologist; Chlar Kotchmin, a sentientologist; Ann Margaret Lewis, a sentientologist; Elth Nardah, a silver-haired sentientologist with a wizened face; Randamar Perl, a sentientologist; Karvinna Raen, a short-haired sentientologist with dark eyes; Vandolae, a skinshifting sentientologist; Osuno Whett, a gangly sentientologist; Ebenn Q3 Baobab, a bearded man with graying hair and red robes; Bant'ena Fhernan, a woman with light brown hair; Plett, a green-skinned man with white hair; Taun We, a long-necked woman with expressionless eyes; Lema Xandret, a blond-haired woman; Graf Zapalo, a dark-haired man in red robes; Dassid Cree'Ar, a blue-skinned man with one eye; Evir Derricote, an obese man with dark hair; Momaw Nadon, hammerheaded man with brown eyes; Ovolot Qail Uthan, a wild-haired woman with blue and black hair with red stripes; Jenna Zan Arbor, a blond-haired woman with gray eyes; Orun Wa, a long-necked man with expressionless eyes and a crest; Mezhan Kwaad, a scarred woman with green eyes; Nen Yim, a scarred woman with dark hair and green eyes; Elliam Baniora, a scientist; Pato Ado, a hammerheaded man in brown robes; Soron Hegerty, a scientist with graying hair; Dusque Mistflier, a brown-haired woman with gray eyes; Tendau Nandon, a hammerheaded man with brown eyes and gold skin; Mal Ree Ohr, a xenobiologist; Rachott, a short porcine man with white hair; Pippa Rosheed, a woman with long hair; A. Rahring, an orange-skinned man with a respirator; Xemlorn, a xenobiologist; and Teneniel Djo, an athletic woman with red-gold hair, green eyes, and rancor hide._

_Enter the Coruscanti Cthon, a humanoid carnivore with pale skin; the Vanqorian Gundark, a red-skinned monster with four arms, black hair, and fangs; the Tatooinian Krayt, a carnivorous lizard with green-yellow scales, spikes, and sharp teeth; and the Dathomiri Rancor, elephantine beast with long arms, claws, and sharp teeth - all being controlled by the scientists._

_Flames fly from the four monsters._

**Malakili. **Keep back there, Chewie. They can fire at a range of twenty feet, you know. I've seen this rancor do forty.

**Chewbacca. **Isn't it beautiful?

**Teneniel. **It's no good. Force Stun, on the count of three.

_Reaching into the Force, all forty-one beast handlers stun the monsters, using their Jedi powers._

**Chewbacca. **_[to Mallatobuck] _Do you want a closer look?

_The two Wookiees step forward._

_Malakili turns around._

**Malakili. **All right, Chewie? They should be okay now. We thought it might be better for them to wake up in the dark and the quiet. But as you see, they weren't happy.

**Chewbacca. **What breeds have you got there, Malakili?

**Malakili. **This is a Dathomiri Rancor. There's a Coruscanti Cthon over there, the humanoid. A Tatooinian Krayt, that yellow-green. The Vanqorian Gundark, that's the red. _[notices Mallatobuck] _I didn't know you were bringing her, Chewie. The champions aren't supposed to know what's coming. She's bound to tell her student, isn't she?

**Chewbacca. **I just thought she would like to see them.

**Malakili.** _[shakes his head] _Really romantic date, Chewie.

**Chewbacca. **Four . . . so it's one for each of the champions, is it? What have they got to do, fight them?

**Malakili. **Just get past them, I think. We'll be on hand if it gets nasty, lightsabers at the ready. The wanted nesting mothers; I don't know why. But I tell you this, I don't envy the one who gets the rancor. Its end is as dangerous as its front. Look.

_Chewbacca looks longingly at the rancor's eggs._

I've got them counted, Chewie. How's Luke?

**Chewbacca. **_[distracted] _Fine.

**Malakili. **I just hope he's still fine after he's faced this lot. I didn't dare tell Mom what he has to do for the first task. She's already chewing the luna-weed about him. . . . _[imitates Jaina] _"How could they let him enter the Games. He's much too young. I thought they were all safe. I thought there was going to be an age limit." _[regular voice] _She was in flood about that HoloNet article about him. _[imitates Jaina] _"He still cries about his parents. Oh, bless him. I never knew."

_Luke leaves Endor._

_Exit all but Luke._

_Enter Brakiss, running right into Luke._

**Brakiss. **O! Who's there? Who's there?

_Brakiss shrugs and turns away, headed for the forest moon of Endor._

_Exit Brakiss._

_Exit Luke._


End file.
